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Mhlengi (Zack) my stepson


Merry Xmas 2019

Electronically and chemically hacking the human mind

A South African has an assegai in their right hand and a bible in their left hand, when the battle is over they start to rebuild

Crimes against humanity.


This short (second part on request) book with pictures, fuck it lets offend everybody, is occasionally cooked in a cauldron. Each part will have additional paragraphs in rolling released versions. A donation of any amount would be great if you enjoy the progress of my draft copy of my autobiography or would like to purchase a Linux operating system on DVD.


Quick jump to: Part 18, Crimes against humanity in South African Psychiatric Hospitals

Crimes against humanity, as defined by the Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court Explanatory Memorandum, "are particularly odious offences in that they constitute a serious attack on human dignity or grave humiliation or a degradation of human beings.

Quick jump to: Part 19, G.J. Crookes Hospital

Quick jump to: Part 20, THMC

About the author: Marek Pawinski (bipolar) born in Warsaw, Poland and immigrated to South Africa in 1968, started to operate computers in 1990, (remember Leisure Suite Larry) i started off my vocation in the electrical field and during that time became more interested in computers when i learned how to use CAD. I changed my vocation to the information technology field and studied for my MCSE (Microsoft Certified Sysytems Engineer), i gave my final exams a miss (wrote and passed only the four cores) when i discovered the Linux operating system and Red Hat 6.1 was my first boxed set. So in those days i obtained my MCP (Microsoft Certified Professional), NT 4 but continued to self study fifteen Microsoft Windows NT/2000 related books in all and thirteen CISSP related books till present. The good about books i purchased is that there are a lot of practical examples to play around with on my LAN.

I then opened another business (other than my electrical business) promoting and selling open source Linux operating systems. I became quite interested in the Information Technology Security field and being quite a book worm in those days i read and used examples of the Information Technology Security books. To this day i still read Information Technology Security books even though most of the information can be found browsing the internet. Unfortunately in this day and age i have to deploy an active protection system to prevent line-of-sight and broad spectrum frequencies from acquiring and/or destroying my mum, Jabu and i.

I am blessed with bipolar disorder via electronic pulse frequencies
and as Steve Fry (from the (BBC), whom also suffers from bipolar disorder, i am in a stable condition, presently (It fluctuates). Yet when i get treated like shit i type like shit.


Part eighteen

Lets have a look at medical and pharmaceutical torture. I wonder if the pharmaceutical companies employing the pharmacist's who design the prescription drugs actually try out the prescription drugs out on themselves first other than trying the prescription drugs in test??? cases with 1000 or more (for example) human beings being the guinea pigs to obtain a baseline. Like BP medication which can and does cause ED in some cases.....


Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital - Crimes against humanity

The beginning of November 2014 i suffered a nervous breakdown and was admitted to the G.J. Crookes Hospital in Scottburgh, Kwa Zulu Natal, South Africa, after less than two weeks a girl general practitioner, Dr Ndlovo decided to transfer me to the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital nestled in the foothills of the Underberg still in Kwa Zulu Natal but in the middle of nowhere. Most of the patients there where admitted for drug induced paranoia or criminal acts.
For example it took my wife, Jabu and i to return home on the 14/01/2015 seven hours by four taxis and we missed the last taxi as it was late and we had to walk for one and one half hour up a hill to get home, we arrived after sunset. The non scenic route takes one and one half hours by a low level flying sixteen seater Quantum ambulance transporter.

These are factual events as of 13th January 2015 which occured at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital and G.J. Crookes Hospital, three months prior to the 13th January 2015. I am working on the typos and grammatical errors.


To top it all i have to go back to the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital for more evaluation by a general practitioner as there currently is no psychiatrist at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital and ones fate is decided by a general practionioner. Did you see the movie Rwanda, well what is to follow is very similar. I was the only Caucasian patient in the two wings of the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital amongst forty five Africans. What a nightmare, i was assaulted by an psychotic patient who tried to steal my breakfast, six slices of bread with a bit of butter and tea. i limped for two weeks after this incident with terrible pain in my left buttock. Patients who assault other patients are hit with batons by the security guards and then given Clopixol Acuphase injections to knock them for a few days. The patients fight and hit each other for tobacco especially when the tobbacco runs out and i m the only one who has tobacco. It is impossible to enjoy a hand rolled cigarette by oneself as i was surrounded by twenty psychotic or semi psychotic patients each and every time demanding two pulls of my fag and the patients act as if its there right to my tobacco. Never mind food or gifts received from visitors, one has to eat what one receives at the nursing sisters station or all the food will be taken over by the patients.
What a relief to find out that prison is worse than the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital from two of the patients who actually where in prison, i am being a bit salcastic in this sentence.

On one occasion a patient was bugging me with questions and i told him to speak to the nurse. The nurse told me to "fuck off" and when i went to the sister in charge to report this the security guard followed me and tried to prevent me from speaking to the sister in charge, the security guard from LK Solutions Security then said to me that i am "rubbish" and he will call the other security guards to beat me with battons.

Flooded bathroom floors

Bathing time is African style like the majority of Africans in South Africa bath in a large plastic dish with about ten litres of water or less. I was quite used to this as this is how i bathed at my wives, Jabu house. Above is a pic of how the basins looked like.

I feel sorry for the patients as most of them receive no visitors and i have never heard of or seen before this episode that nurses walk around with polycop plumbing pipe about four hundred milimeters long and fifteen milimeters thick and assualt the patients. Is this Psychiatry?

On the other hand the sisters in charge and some staff sisters where quite good to me and where very helpfull, but they have to follow the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital rules.

Medication is handed out at 09:30 after breakfast and the patients share the same water cups to down the medication, thank God I do not have turberculousis or some other horrible disease from sharing cups with 45 patients.


The patients spend the whole day in a closed courtyard, fifteen by twenty meters and urinate in one corner of the courtyard as the patients are not allowed to go inside the wards to urinate during the day. The stench of urine is unbearable in that corner of the courtyard unless it rains and the urine washes away into the drain. On one night the urinal was blocked inside the ward and the urinal overflowed with urine for three days. More stench and those patients without shoes walked in the urine. The toilets do not work and faeces build up till someone flushes the toilet with a bucket, most nauseating.

Water is sometimes not available during the night when the water bucket and one cup is not left on the other side of the locked grill gate, never mind the fire hazard. If there was a fire there is no chance in hell that all five wards could be open to let out the patients. The wards, ten patients per ward are locked at night as some windows where broken with axxess to the courtyard from the passage.

At this stage I think I would be ashamed if I was any part of the medical profession, especially the Doctors whom are aware of all this and general practitioners who treat psych patients as there is currently no psychiatrist in the Hospital.

I have sixteen years experience as an electrician in the construction field and seventeen years experience in Information Technology mainly using the Linux operating system as well as Microsoft Windows, yet at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital i must take orders from cleaners and nurses under twenty five years of age, one of the duties of the nurses is to write reports about the patients. If the nurses don't like a patient they write negative reports about a patient. I found that most of the male staff nurses had more of a heart than the females, some female nurses and sisters are real bitches. On my last day when as i typed before attacked and surrounded by thirty or so patients for a fag, the one male staff nurse looked on in despair but he could do nothing. I was so happy and excited to go home on LOA (leave of absence) so one of the nurses asked me if i was having a relapse (from my excitement) can you believe it. The nurses play little mind games and notarize everything a patient does in the courtyard during the day which is mostly sleep. Like i typed before 45 or so nut cases and four sexy nurses just does not go, the males all want the attention of the nurses. Some of the nurses are very very shaftable but i think most of them are into bondage. We where all to go for a haircut and at first i refused. I did not want a kaal kop (no hair African style), so i eventually said i would like my beard trimmed but the nursing sister said i could not go anymore. She had the hots for me but was playing hard to get. One has to have a beard as there are no razors available and the patients my slit each others throats with the razors.


I was unable to pay my bills as i was in the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital and G.J. Crookes Hospital, joy to the world, i now have "hundreds" of debt collector companies after me and my credit rating has dropped to zero. Of course no shrink, G.P., sister, nurse nor social worker will help me out with my debt but someone was very eagar to put me away to Umzimkulu psych hospital because of their grave faux pas. The social worker at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital has ninety patients in the queue and i was lucky to see the general practionioner on the 13/01/2015 as he was still busy attending to patients from November 2014. This frightens me as i may wait for weeks to see the general practionioner on my return.

Stephen Fry (a BBC presenter) based in London AFAIK has experienced mental health problems for much of his life. I am sure he did not receive the treatment i received in Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital, not for the life of my can i still phathom that Psychiatric patients are treated with assualt and abuse as part of there treatment to become well again even thought most of the patients are in the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital are there for drug induced psychosis where they stabbed or assualted someone.

The Zulu language is spoken most of the time and i don't have a clue what is going on especially at the twice daily forced prayer sessions but i have to join in anyway. Jabu my wife is a Zulu girl yet i only understand a bit of Zulu, like "faga lo makulu mthondo kona la ingquza". Jabu is quite religious so i don't have anything against religion if i at least i could understand the singing and chanting.

I think it's disgusting that South Africa receives billions of ZAR in medical grants from overseas for this kind of treatment and never mind the theft. I had a terrible summer flu for two weeks and only realized later that the roll on deodrant shared by forty five patients was for woman. The roll on ordered for the patients at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital is stolen by someone working in the Hospital for there own use and most of the nursing staff are woman, can't figure out the theft bit as the nursing staff have three to eight thousand ZAR smart phones and drive new 150 000 ZAR plus motor vechicles.

I was treated slightly better than the rest of the patients because i am Caucasian, and like i typed before the only Caucasian within miles of the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital. I hope someone takes notice of this part of my book so my African friends (patients) can receive better treatment instead of being assaulted with battons, high heels and plumbing pipe.


I don't know anymore what is the official language of South Africa but the medication i took home on my leave of absence, the instructions where in Zulu.

I actually fear for my life at Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital, the ward where i am now is called Male Block Two. And one of the patients in this ward is some kind of martial arts expert. On my arrival he had to show off his moves whist we where waiting to be counted. (Counting of patients involves the patients sitting for one hour doing nothing waiting the shift to change and then be counted.) From time to time this "martial arts patient" goes a bit nuts especially on the tobacco subject like most other patients, 70% of the patients. Pure joy knowing i can be assaulted or worse anytime for a small amount of tobacco or food.

Hyena attack

Above is a pic of an example of the small pieces of tobacco some patients would gather for hours to roll one fag using a newspaper as rolling paper

Patients are admitted to Male Block One where 80% of the patients are psychotic, 40% from actually been mentally ill and the rest mostly drug induced pyschosis or being sent to Umzimkulu for some criminal act. Smoking of tobacco is allowed in the ward. Sorry to burst your bubble, i was never once tested positive for mary jane nor coke nor any other magic mushroom. Then the transition to Male Block Two where smoking tobacco is also allowed. Male Block Three, i dread to go there, there is absolutly no smoking allowed and i have been smoking tobacco for thirty five years. I had a small nervous breakdown on admittance to Male Block One and then to Male Block Two. Each transition is like some kind of initiation ceremony where the patients test to see if they can obtain tobacco and food out of me. One patient actually sits on my bed up to and hour waiting for me to light up as he figures what's mine is his. Not all the patients are like this thank God and i recon i have made a few friends.

Wolf attack

The tobacco saga occurs with all new patients and their tobacco or food is quickly consumed in a few hours. Watching lions, hyenas or vultures on TV or in real life on a kill can give a good picture of the food and tobacco episodes, meaning the food and tobacco brought by visitors to the patients.

Hand rolled fag

Tobacco smoke contains many harmful chemicals such as carbon monoxide, cyanide, nicotine and tar, which cause disease and death. Non-smokers and ex-smokers on average, live longer and are healthier than smokers. For more information call +27117203145

Above is a pic of a hand rolled fag the patients used to roll when i had rizla rolling paper in stock, newspaper was normally used, bit harsh when one has a cold or flu, the newspaper that is.

Boredom is a real killer and lucky enough my sister bought me a few magazines (to the disapproval of some staff nurses as there where semi naked girls in the magazines, wow can you handle that, maybe the staff where afraid that the patients would start shafting each other, too many happy clappies rule this world on a Sabbath day) and a novel with large font as my multi focals where stolen at G.J. Crookes Hospital, Scottburgh, this was Xmas of 2014 on the 22nd of December 2014. My previous business, AMPPOL IT Linux CD's & DVD's keep me busy for sixteen hours a day so you can imagine doing sweet fuck all most of the day from sunrise till 21:00. Some of the patients whom have been at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital for months, up to nine months or more love it there, free food, free accomandation and free medication, at the taxpayers expense, joy to the world. Lets face it most South Africans have one meal per day if that and at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital:


BBQ at Jabu's mum's place

I rather enjoy this in the pic above than the menu below

  • 09:30 Breakfast: Six slices of bread with margarine on three of the slices and tea with milk and sugar, sometimes no milk
  • 13:00 Lunch: Rice or phutu pap or saltless samp and 25 gramms of meat unless there is mince meat then 50 gramms, drumstick of chicken sometimes on Sundays
  • 16:30 Supper: Rice and beans or pap and pilchards
  • 20:00: Black over sweetened tea (laced with stay soft) and four slices of bread, two of them with margarine
No need to complain, wow at G.J. Crookes Hospital, the food was better, at least different kinds of porridge for breakfast and an egg and a variety of meat and veggies for lunch. Don't understand why all the Government food dished out is not standard

South Africa is one of the few countries in the world where one can receive treatment for under $3 but this kind of treatment i don't ne ed and i am not the only patient who complains about abuse and assault. Most of the African patients and there families live in the sticks cks so to whom will they report all this to. I love South Africa and South Africans but this is really the pits.

I noticed many of the patients at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital take a drug called Risperidone, a horrible piece of work where sixty sixty percentage of males suffer from erectile dysfunction when taking Risperidone, i wonder if the "mental patients" (that's what they are referred to as by the staff) actually have a choice whether to have erectile dysfunction or not, i bet my bottom dollar and it's a fact that no patient is informed of the side effects of the medication they are taking, why should us "mental patients" be informed or have the right to know of side effects, we are the scum of the earth, maybe Government Psychiatry gets it's "info manual" from the holocast. I once researched Risperidone for days on the internet in 2012 and wow what negative reviews. Some of the patients are so spaced out on prescription drugs they sleep most of the day to keep them calm.


During my stay at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital, i observed the finer art of theft, assualt by LK Security Solutions on patients, i pity the guy (patient) whom escaped from the ajoining ward, his screams could be heard miles away whilst the patient was beat with batons. No respect for patients, i once informed one of the staff members that the burglar bars put up on one window had jaggered steel edges and could hurt someone so the staff member said "let them". There is no outbound communication to the outside world for most of the African patients, if one asks a nurse to send an sms the answer is "battery flat" or "no airtime, mean while the nurses sit using WhatsApp the whole day. Ok it would be a bit heavy if 45 patients used the nurses phone, even though i offered to pay, the nurses could at least answer truthfully and inform the patients that cell phone calls are allowed. The nurses are a bunch of liars and have the cheek to pray twice a day with the patients. If a patient ask a nurse for something the answer is more likely to be "kusasa" (tomorrow). I can understand spending twelve hours a day for five days shift with psychotic patients is a bit taxing but the staff nurses opted for this job and i think that the patients at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital could be treated with dignity and more humanly.

I learned a whole lot of new Zulu words at Umzimkulu psych hospital like, ingquza, masende and bhebha to the disapproval of Jabu.


Some of the African patients where so desperate for tobacco they would collect the tiny pieces of loose tobacco from the floor and when there was enough tobacco they would roll a "joint" in a manner of speaking.

Don't try this at home or anywhere else and i do not condone this but it seems that according to Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital, violence is cool and condoned. As long as you sort out your frustrations with batons, polycop plumbers pipe, high heels, a strawberry jam sandwich and mind bending, muscle spasm causing injections.

I am upset now very upset. How on earth could Dr Ndlovo from G.J. Crookes transfer me from a cage full of pigeons to a cage full of vipers and ruin me financially. If i had been discharged from G.J. Crookes i would have been able to make up my payments. Surely if a patient is so psychotic they would be transferred on day one or two. Yet according to my mother: a security guard impersonating a principal psychiatrist, informed my mother that "they need the beds" which is also not true as there where two empty beds in the ward and G2 is also used for psych patients.

I must have been in a very bad state of mind as one night sister took my blood pressure nightly and allowed me to take her blood pressure on numerous occasions. Imagine that some cleaners and staff nurses allowed me to choose and play songs on there smart phones. Ok i hope this paragraph does not get anyone into trouble but i watched the most fantastic game of soccer with the night staff and security guards one Wednesday night. I stand corrected i was at G.J. Crookes longer than 72 hours as i now remember there was no soccer game the next Wednesday for some or other reason whilst i was at G.J. Crookes Hospital.


Doc e, arranged that i do not have to go back to the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital, thank you very much for that.


I prefer and so do all of us, a restroom like in the pic above and not a restroom overflowing with shit and piss

I acquired two "bodyguards" in Male block one after my tobacco was stolen off my person whilst i was lying down in the morning sunshine on the tiled section of the courtyard floor. My one bodyguard and friend (John was his name) even himself mentioned that it was stressful holding onto my tobacco and rolling "joints" for me. The other bodyguard had been in the ward for many months and the other African patients where a bit wary of him. He would make sure that the other African patients stayed away whilst the tobacco was rolled mostly using my own purchased paper or if that ran out then newspaper. Best to choose the meanest mother fuckers as your friends in a place like this, which works on occassions.

Talking about "joints", marijuana is freely available at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital. I found this out when a patient asked me for a light and my bodyguard and best African friend John, told me not to smoke from that "joint" as it contains marijuana. Mary jane is supposed to induce paranoia in mentally ill patients so WTF.

Quite educating this business. I found out that one can crush and smoke pain killers as another room mate who slept opposite me did. Maybe that's why some nurses refused to hand out pain killers without a Doctor's script. So if you have a splitting headache in the afternoon one might obtain some pain killers the next day if lucky. I stay away from pain killers if possible but with my buttock injury from being assaulted and my two week summer cold i was popping pain killer's like crazy. Not thanks to the female Doctor whom i requested pain killers at the nurses station and she did not write them up the first time.

Come to think of it my best African friend went on his knees to talk to this female Doctor at the nurses station. Not that they where married but i was under the impression that Zulu girls serve food on their knees to their husbands. And he was nowhere near psychotic.

To get back to the drugs story, on one occasion i received a phone call in the injection room and there was this newly admitted coloured chap trying to open the medicine trolly. (He also received the customery tobacco treatment on arrival.) A few days later he and the guy who smoked the pain killers managed to steal some drugs from the medicine trolly. They received the baton treatment for their troubles. The assaulting of patients continues to baffle me as i was under the impression that violence in psychiatry was meant to be discouraged (never mind frowned upon) and guys that where in private and most state hospitals, that i have communicated with where never assaulted. Thank God i never witnessed any assault the first time i was admitted at G.J. Crookes Hospital unlike Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital.


On my move from one section to the next at Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital i lost my mountain view bed but was soon invited to another ward closer to the windows by two patients, the alterior motives you guess it, tobacco. The first ward or section i was in (gets a bit confusing this ward business) but anyhow i had a lovely view of the foothills of the Underberg mountains but knew this stunning view of the mountains and a village which was part of Umzimkulu village would not last and soon became quite mudane. Being an outdoor lover i never dreamt magestic mountains could become so boring.

So much agro and fustration as the patients where not allowed out the wards for walks. In any of the three wards bar one occasion. Maybe the patients would try to escape, wow why on earth would anyone want to escape. The one occasion sixteen patients where allowed to go for a walk outside was for a haircut. I remember that day very well. I was sitting in the courtyard and a female nurse starting picking out patients for a haircut. She called me out and i said no thanks. I did not want my hair to be cut bald as some Africans cut their hair. My blood really boiled and when the sixteen patients where about to get on the way for hair cuts i wanted to go with to have my beard trimmed off. The female nurse then changed her mind and said that i could not go at all. Talk about being petty.

I might be making a big issue of the tobacco story but that was the only occupational therapy there was at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital and when the patients received their monthly disability grant or visitors brought tobacco the patients who smoked, smoked non stop almost till all their tobacco was finished in two or three days. Might as well make a "meal" of it when you have it. I was rather more cautious and tried to ration my tobacco till Jabu came to visit me. For every one hundred grams of tobacco i received, i recon i smoked fifty grams and the other fifty grams was for "bodyguard" and sharing of tobacco fees.

Ninety five percent of the patients smoked and a large percentage never smoked before but only smoked at the Umzimkulu to pass the time and have something to occupy themselves with, the youngsters under 28 years of age or so would hide there smoking habits from their mothers or family when they came to visit them.

The patients make their own beds in the morning's. The nurses then come along and make the beds again. I found out only one blanket per patient is permitted during the summer months. Allegedly June and July the coldest months, really cold in the Underberg as I found out first hand on some of our vacations in the Drakensberg, two blankets are allowed. One or two degrees celsius (34 F) outside in winter at late night and early morning it gets really cold without a heater in the bedroom wherever you might be in a hotel or the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital. The patients ward windows are not triple glazed but thinking back the glass is 15mm thick so that must help with the cold a wee bit.


How dare the Sisters, nurses (male and female) and security guards force the patients to pray and dance around in a circle singing Zulu religious songs after the way some of them treat the patients, two faced religious attitudes, i am sure it is written somewhere: abuse, assault, degrade ones dignity, humiliate and tomorrow you will be forgiven. I took no part in these prayer "meeting's" other than i was forced to stand. And my last morning at Umzimkulu Psych Hospital i did go around in circles chanting something at the insistence of one of the nurses just to please her and not have hassles on my last day.

Not everyone who says to me, Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name? And then will I declare to them, I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness. Matthew 7:21-23

I used to be quite a self religious person but i have lost my respect for God due to this hospital stay and psychological after effects, really too much is too much.

I think Stephen Fry is correct with his viewpoint on God. ''The quicker you forget about Him, your life will change for the better"

This is the final nail in the coffin between God and i and it really hurts me to loose faith after so many years, but this is really it, i have had enough. What i have gone through in my life is a fraction of some of the pain and suffering others go or have gone through but i have had enough of this blatant two faced religious attitudes.

And it gets even better, on the 18th Febuary 2015, another anniversary, my birthday, my

The reason i was sent from G.J. Crookes Hospital in Scottburgh, South Africa to the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital was that Doctor Ndlovo filled up a bath and gave me a teaspoon, cup and bucket and asked me to empty the bath, i choose the bucket, she asked me whether i would like a bed by the window in the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital as normal people would pull the bath plug. Just thought i would ad a bit of humour, this did not actually happen but one never knows, many things said in jest could be true.

Crimes against humanity, as defined by the Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court Explanatory Memorandum, "are particularly odious offences in that they constitute a serious attack on human dignity or grave humiliation or a degradation of human beings.



Crimes against humanity, as defined by the Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court Explanatory Memorandum, "are particularly odious offences in that they constitute a serious attack on human dignity or grave humiliation or a degradation of human beings.



Part nineteen

November 2015 i relapsed and landed up in the Ethembeni Ward at G.J Crooks Hospital on the 5th of December 2015. This is a government Hospital on the South Coast of South Africa where 95% of the patients are African.

The food at Ethembeni ward is good, mielie meal porridge or jungle oats, egg, bread and tea for breakfast. For lunch a hot meal is served with two veggies and meat as well as phutu or rice. Supper another hot meal with a little less on the plate.

But smoking privlages are few and far between in the psych ward. Five fags a day is all one is allowed, if one has them. So if one is used to smoking thirty fags a day one has suddenly cut down to five which was very good for my stress levels. The security guards reguarly steal the patients smokes and shared my smokes with other patients. The security guards (there is ways one on duty) find this ward most boring and cannot understand the illness of the patients.

On arrival at the Ethembeni ward i was beaten up by male staff nurses, hit with solid punches to my back for no apparent reason. Must be another lesson they will never forget. I was not that psychotic to imagine that.

Bath time is at around six thirty am and only six thirty am. I was beaten up by two of the biggest security guards for having a bath in the afternoons due to the heat, whilst still in the tub i was pounded with fists to my face. Doctor M ignored my complaint.

There are ten beds in the Ethembeni ward, two seclusion room beds. In the five room ward there is a television. The only entertainment is to check out the young nurses butts if they are on duty that day and the cleaner was a real dog. Like i said the hospital has an OT section but there is no OT.

Thank God i was transferred to an infectious ward for a few weeks where i had more freedom. I could smoke when i wanted to and spent the days recovering at a normal pace, there was no beef as to when one could take a shower, not like the Ethembeni ward "prison" where i "misplaced" my wedding band and my multi focals where stolen on another visit.

Yet the powers that be decided to transfer me back to Ethembeni ward as i was smoking too much, like there is so much to do with no OT (occupational therapy) at all, even though the hospital does have an OT section.

The infectious ward has thirty six beds, eight of the beds are taken up by non psychotic psych patients. Can't be that of a infectious ward as only 70% of the nurses wear masks and not all the doctors wear masks. Strange the reason i was sent to Umzimkulu psych hospital, according to the CEO (Chief Security Guard) was that the beds at Ethembeni where full, i never knew the doctors transferred patients from Ethembeni to G2, must be another lesson they will never forget that they gave me.

As usual the security guards are in charge of the ward(s), to be a security guard at a government hospital the security guard has to first go to university for three years at least, in any faculty, the security guards also have to be au faut with beating up one patient, eight against one. Which i witnessed with my own eyes at G2 and at Umzimkulu.

Strange that there are three other security guards, who are in charge, Indian chaps whom use brain power to negotiate with a troublesome patient but they are not around much.

Talent abounds at G.J. Crookes Hospital, there are tons of lovely nurses and sisters. The white nurses uniforms are quite see through at times and nothing beats a nice tight behind. The cleaners are not too bad either and some are quite friendly. On the subject of talent, i would not mind shagging my out patient GP. she is quite cute and also an African. I have been with Jabu for six years now so African "girls" really turn me on.

In the apartheid days i would have been killed for going out with an African girl or marrying one. By the Africans and not the apartheid security police, according to one of the staff nurses at Umzimkulu Psych Hospital.

Nothing wrong at looking as long as one does not touch. Being away from Jabu my wife for such a long time really makes one "jags" (randy). Oh well as long as there where tons of nurses to look at. ED (erectile dysfunction) is a real pain and the doctors don't give a fuck, never mind the herbs cost an arm and a leg a shot (pun intended) but there is no spontaneous love making. The herbs or Cialis have to be taken and then the long wait till the mood changes and we are ready for love making. The joy of living in South africa where the "girls" out number the men fifteen million to one. And yes money talks, African girls like "mulungu" with big bucks, so i will have have no luck in that department. Not that WIC "girls" don't like march, (money) either.


On a brighter side, Xmas day we spent at the beach and had supper at the mall thanks to my sister whom arranged a pass out. It was nice to eat out with my family and especially my wife at one of the restaurants. My sister and i also spent a day at the beach amongst the throng of holiday makers on a previous occasion.

An African lady was locked up in the seclusion room for a few days and all she did was scream at the top of her voice, non stop. She was there for at least one week, strange that she was not transferred to Umzimkhulu.

I think I rather be in a psych ward at G.J. Crookes Hospital (but not Umzimkhulu) than at the oncology ward if i had to choose illnesses. I am so blessed, touch wood not to have any physical illness other than erectile dysfunction which is a cause of the meds i swallow religiously. No joy to those guys whom suffer from blood pressure hassles as well, ED is also part of their game. Two doctors suggested i take Cialis, fuck that i need a boner on demand not having to wait one hour before i can get hard on and stress does not help either, i can take 2000 mg Cialis and will not get it up if i am stressed out.

Just like in Ward one at Umzimkulu Psych Hospital the patients bath in a basin to make them feel really at home. 70% of South Africans bath in a basin at night or during the day with a kettle of hot water or boiled water on a fire. In the country where i come from, after WWII and still into the fifties, ditto for some.

G2 ward at G.J. Crookes had five showers and as i mentioned previously Ethembeni ward had one scalding hot water supply from the bath. A thermostat costs around 250 ZAR, (12 USD). The thermostat was either set on boiling point so 10 patients could have hot water or some dick head needed to replace the thermostat, but who the fuck am i to talk being a former electrician of sixteen years. Maintenance could at least install another water heater back to back at ethembeni after spending millions of ZAR revamping G.J. Crookes Hospital where the reception area is tops and so is the pharmacy.


To top it all on my last out patient visit to G.J. Crookes in May 2016 there was no psychiatrist working in the Hospital and i was seen to by a GP. Hopefully this has changed by now, psychiatrists might as well not study for a few years longer if a GP can do the shrinks job which they cannot.

I obtain a rash from the meds i take but was refused by the GP in May 2016 for a script for Persivate ointment, she informed me "i must go upstairs" and wait another three hours in the queue to see another doctor. Seriously if herbal meds where strong enough for my condition i would be taking them and not these shit meds that give me erectile dysfunction and Cialis costs an arm and a leg which i cannot afford even though there are herbal alternatives at one third of the price which work just as well.

It was rather cold on a motorcycle in May 2016 and i arrived at G.J. Crooks at round 8:00 by the time i obtained my file it was 09:00, i waited till 12:00 to see the GP at the psych clinic. The total cost for the consultation and meds supply for six months is one and one half USD (twenty ZAR) so can't complain there.

It's the assault, violence and theft that really bugs me and this is commited by the security guards even though some nursing sisters and nurses steal the patients food, to take in a lunch box home with them, as well as milk and fresh juice. Odd that someone with a 6000 ZAR smart phone needs to steal. I was once shaking and almost had a nervous breakdown when in front of thirty six patients at G2 an African chap was assaulted and held down by eight security guards, he just cried out "mfowethu mfowethu" (spelling) which means brother in the Zulu language. One needs six months to recuperate after being a patient in a government hospital. Not all Africans are like this, most go to church on a Saturday or Sunday or maybe it's the bible that's the problem.

When one is psychotic one does not know what the fuck is going on so the doctor's and sisters try there best in a fassion with meds that are of dubious nature. Each shrink likes there own meds. Strangely in a private hospital a psych patient recovers on average in ten days but the government hospitals have some philosophy that a psych patient needs to stay from one to three months if not longer. However if a psych patient is too spaced out for care in a private hospital and the twenty four hour "knock out injection" which puts one to sleep, does not work then he or she is sent to a government hospital if the patient is non compliant of all things. So those whom have medical aid really score.

We have discovered from reading this book that violence is acceptable by staff members, theft is A ok in psych wards and hospitals of all places, by the staff. I would not treat my dogs the way i was treated and my African friends where treated in the psych hospitals.
Spot of bad luck in the South Coast for me with my manic episodes spiking due to what i thought was the change in altitude but i will never know as there is only a twenty minute if that consultation with a GP or shrink per out patient session at the G.J Crookes Hospital.


Part twenty

On a very brighter note i was once admitted to THMC, what a holiday camp it was in those days. This was a semi private/government psych Hospital. I believe the historic place has been closed down now due to the high cost of rates and taxes in Sandton, Gauteng, South Africa. A real shame as most of the buildings were from the early 60's. The procedure is one starts of at a private hospital, then demoted to a government hospital then sent of to THMC for a holiday. At one stage in our lives we will suffer from one illness or other so having bipolar disorder is just one of those things or is it brain radiation from electronic sources.

There where two swimming pools at THMC, some med students don't even know the place. One for the patients and one for the staff nurses who lived in the single quarters. There where also two full size snooker tables in the games room. A cafe for the patients and staff as well. There was a historic chapel and some of the buildings where quite historic which means nothing in South Africa, try knock down a historic building in Europe for instance and see what occurs, just come with bulldozer and put up modern skyscrapers. Come to think of it i got into big shit one night as i was chatting up an African sister, the next day she was put on day shift. What mentality, black is beautiful.

There where six meals served a day, breakfast, tea, lunch, tea, supper and then tea again, tea as in tea or coffee with biscuits not tea tea. The food was quite good and one could put on weight. THMC was nowhere near similar to Barbara Streisand's movie "Nuts". More nut case staff members at Umzimkulu psychc hospital than anywhere else. They really taught me a lesson they will never forget. Sometimes its spelt Umzimkhulu. Which in Zulu means "place of the fucked up mountain", not really but close.

Draft copy

Part fifty four


Sunrise 09/11/2017

Brothers will turn against their own brothers and hand them over to be killed. Fathers will hand over their own children to be killed. Children will fight against their own parents and will have them killed. Everyone will hate you because you follow me. But the one who remains faithful to the end will be saved. When you are treated badly in one city, go to another city. I promise you that you will not finish going to all the cities of Israel before the Son of Man comes again. Matthew 10:21-23

After the excitement and stress of the move in March 2012 being a former Electrician i did not pick up a whole lot of points which Kwela Electrical of Pennington let slide. I did pick up one socket outlet which had the incorrect polarity and when i placed another socket outlet under load the copper cable blew. So one of the Kwela Electrical electricians broke open a connection box in the ceiling void and joined the cable. One of the socket outlets had the knock out missing and i latter found another socket outlet the same. The electrician (from Durban) that came to do the COC at end August 2017 found twenty six points of non compliance. One of the village people said it's not Kwela Electrical's fault but "the clowns that work for him". The electrical installation reminded me of the historic town of Pilgrims Rest near the Kruger National Park.

Oven isolator February 2012

Any SANS electricians or electrical engineers in the house? is the pic above and below above legal in KZN? Kwela Electrical did not come out to do the COC when requested end August 2017. Which wireman is correct?

Bathroom luminaire February 2012

Bathroom luminaire, COC February 2012.

Lucky we have a "valid" SANS 10142-1 COC from Kwela Electrical, dated February 2012.

Cake 17022019

My birthday cake this year February 2019 written in isiZulu, i spent my birthday celebration with Mama and Zack my stepson whom i have known since 24th April 2012 on the 17th February 2019. All the eighteens my birthday on the 18th February, Jabu's birthday on the 18th March, Zack's birthday on the 18th April and Jabu and i got married on the 18th of May 2013.


This is fun and expensive, since the 19/02/2019 i have been on a 45 Mbps connection as my 4 Mbps ADSL is dead, back up 02/03/2019 will test for a few days, line still not syncing well, has cost me 320 ZAR in 4G data using a WiFi hotspot. 10/03/2019, Well done Telkom, i have a credit for the downtime of my line. Apparently the water guys cut the Telkom cables like they cut our electricity cable a few years back on the pavement.

25/02/2019 Happy 26th birthday dear Kasia my daughter whom i have not seen in twenty one years, Kasia uses Dorota's Maskowicz maiden name, my former wife, Kasia and i chatted bit on Facebook and then it stopped like two years ago, we are too distant to ever become farther and daughter again

05/03/2019 07:15 CAT I leave home for the Pennington clinic. First time in years after waiting for five hours i have a bad experience at the Pennington clinic. On Friday the 01/03/2019 when i went to fetch my meds the pink card which was with the meds and a sticker attached to the meds said i should get a new script at the clinic. Being almost last in the que i consulted with the fifty three year old Muslim doctor. He said he could not renew my script as the meds where a bit too toxic and heavy for him to do so. Meanwhile six months ago a twenty six year old GP had renewed my script at G.J. Crookes. I explained to him that my TSR had trouble getting into 2nd gear and a shuttle to G.J. Crookes costs 140 ZAR. The African taxi's between Umzinto and Pennington are few and far between. Seeing as i was there anyway i ask the Muslim doctor about my rash on the ear and neck, he was not very intrested and said i should keep it wet with aqueous cream whilst other doctors had given me cortison and dynaspoor topical. I asked Mr fifty three year old Muslim doctor about my boils. He said i should shave my pubic regions and armpits except for my beard. Sister P is my witness. And said i should no take antibiotics for boils. At least i had some nice vetkoek and coke for breakfast whilst waiting and checked out the talent whilst i was there for five fucking hours. I did not really mind wasting my time at the Pennington clinic as i had got out and about a bit. I did not get the name of the fifty three year old fussy Muslim doctor but i defiantly don't want to see him again. That's why i refer to him as the Muslim doctor as i don't know his name. He took down my name, phone number and said he would see what he could do with my script. And i was really tired as i was up from 02:10. 16/03/2019 I also mentioned to him my one ear is blocked. Now i find out on Doc Google that stress can cause ears to be blocked which both my ears are now. The Doc said to Sister P to give me some drops. The Muslim doctor never got back to me.

09/03/2019 05:25 CAT Well folks it looks like it's every two months i can cum. Last time was 01/01/2019. I fell asleep on the couch and woke with a bit of a "piss hoering", cock stand so i bhepa............

11/03/2019 16:38 CAT I am so depressed my Panasonic Dect phone has packed up after thirteen years. It had a good life and i ran my AMPPOL IT business with it for many years but yo and behold i bought some new batteries for it and they seem to be charging even though the redial button does not graft.

17/03/2019 03:22 CAT Woke up late this morning. Had a good sleep. Actually am sleeping too much during the day these days. Tenant did not come home last night, wonder where he is. Tomorrow is Jabu's birthday, she has unblocked me from Whatsapp again by my SMS request. She does not want to come for roast chicken to my place today, she says she is going to church ha. The way she behaves one would think she goes to satan church, keeps on blocking me because i don't give her money for data. Oh well i have got over her and we are sort of friends. 04:01 the power goes off. Just after i have made my self a cup off coffee. It's amazing how the ANC, the government has managed to fuck up the country since 1994. Load shedding and power cuts three times a day. I am getting a bit sick of this country except for it's wonderful climate and almost free ED causing meds. I am sitting and typing here with the light from the screen. Kasia is not chatting with me since i asked her what car she drives and if it's a ferrari can she buy me a mini, so she said i am only chatting with her because i want a car, no sense of humour. Will not miss her much, she is rude. Sunrise and my laptop battery is at 50%, can see better now. Being using gas to make tea and coffee. If this is load shedding then the electricity should come on in fifteen minutes to forty five. I miss my you tube playing in the background. I wonder why Eskom does not give a refund on downtime from load shedding like Telkom does. Strange how it turned out this year that my birthday was on a Monday and Jabu's as well. Battery sitting on 40% now. Mama awake and ready to get dressed for church. Lucky i got a power bank for Xmas. 06:09 electricity back on. The load shedding schedule is completly out, electricity off at 12:00 again. Jabu said she will let me know if she is coming tomorrow for birthday breakfast. The tenant is such a racist, he talks about blue eyes and blond hair i cannot listen to his shit he is talking with Mama. He says the blacks are a plaque and the worst thing in the world. I am typing this as he is talking with Mama. Jesus fucking Christ these tenants. The tenant is pissed again as he is always on weekends, he says the black people are born with evil, as long as he can stay away from black people he is happy. "I don't want to be close to black people." When he is sober he is different but i really don't need this shit in my life. I was really angry when i typed this. To top it all he rolls mary jane in the family room and uses my rizla and mix but when i ask him to buy me a coke he says a packet of rizla only coast six bucks. He arrived here only with his clothes, no pots and pans nor knives or forks, i am checking him out when it comes to payday he will most probably duck as he has friends in Pennington where he can sleep over. At least he does not cook so that saves a bit and has very little laundry but he is tight as a virgins arse he refuses to buy toilet paper and laundry soap. The only good tenants where David and Thuli. At least Mr L is only here for two months. 19:10 i retire to bed. And true as fuck i bhepa and manage to cum. Now i don't know what is going on. Must be coming from the Lord above. I am totally shocked that with my ED i managed to cum three times so far this year. And the last time was on the 09/03/2019 so close together. Jabu did not get back to me whether she is coming tomorrow for birthday breakfast. It's 03:03 now, i have one hour till maybe the power goes off.

18/03/2019 03:18 CAT Jabu just informed me she is coming for birthday breakfast. I am going to upload this after the birthday breakfast and see how it goes. 04:03 and the electricity is still on. 06:30 exactly Jabu arrives at my house for her birthday breakfast. She is in a good mood. We start to chat and she wants me to turn on the TV. Usual stuff about load shedding on the news. I grill the boerewors and Jabu fries the eggs and tomatoe, Mama baked a savory cake. I make advances towards Jabu but only get a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She just wants to be friends. We don't have much time together and this time she leaves for work without us fighting and her in a good mood.

17/03/2019 03:41 CAT I jump between Windows 10, Mageia 7 Beta 2, Ubuntu 18.04 and of course my number one distro today Debian Stretch, 9.8. Strange can't get Skype to work for Mama on Windows 10. Mageai Beta 2 is coming along nicely and the cauldron is cooking. We are on kernel 5 now but still a while to go before Mageia 7 is completly stable. The thing that pisses me off about Ubuntu is there is no delay like in Mageia before the OS starts checking for updates, i am sure it can be set somewhere but i don't have time for that. My days of searching for hours on google are over, if something does not work i trash it.

19/03/2019 01:10 CAT Will they cut the electricity at 04:00 today or not. Really disturbs my working time. Apparently this time the excuse is the cyclone in Mocambique.

21/03/2019 06:54 CAT Sometimes the electricity is cut at 02:00 and sometimes at 04:00 for two hours but always at 12:00, lucky for my gas bottle. Jabu unexpectedly Whatsapp me at 12:25 that she is finished work early and she wants to collect her present. I was having a power nap and missed her first message. I woke up as she messaged me the second time and she came for tea and lunch. We had pleasant visit i thought but she said sort of. She could not wear the top Mama had bought her as she needs to wear long arm sleeves due to spots on her arms so Mama said she will keep it and get her something else. The two and one half hours passed quickly before she had to catch her taxi home. We chatted about normal shit and as she was leaving she asked me for fourteen rand for taxi money. So i said one kiss and one hug and she agreed. I need a woman's touch now and again. It's been 17th December 2017 since we separated. Mama of course got in the way. She still likes me but something is holding her back.

26/03/2019 05:50 CAT I bhepa again and cum. WTF. Four times now this year.

27/03/2019 01:32 CAT After two anxious weeks thinking about my visit to G.J. Crookes, i am ready at 06:00, dressed for my lift. We arrive at G.J. Crookes Hospital at 07:22. There is a long que for the files but i have an appointment and get my file and pay in under three minutes. I go down to the psychc clinic and wait my turn. Eric, the male nurse in charge is not so friendly today and pushes another patient in front of me to see the Doctor. I sit chatting on Whatsapp to pass the time and have a few smokes. I am a bit fustrated and angry as i have to spend another five hours the same month waiting for my script. I am now second in line to see my Doctor and i chat with a caucasian girl sitting next to me, my mood changes a bit. It's now my turn to consult with the best Doctor i know of in Scottburgh. unfortunately she cannot give me a script for a penile injection for ED but gives me a script for my rash and boils unlike the Muslim doctor at Pennington clinic and Doctor M. She recons i am stable on the meds i am taking so she only changes my blood pressure pills. I wish all Doctors where like her. I have my bloods taken and the pharmacy is quick quick this time. I am out of there by 12:15. Mama, Mrs M, Miss M and myself pop over to Checkers to do some shopping. Miss M is a weird kettle of fish, she smokes in the car and really gives me the urge to smoke as well. The first time i ask her for a light she gives me a light but the second time she is busy on Whatsapp and will not give me one. So Mrs M lights me up with the car fag lighter. The day ends of very well with Mr L the tenant paying me my rent for the room, the rent goes into a pool between Mama and myself. Even with a tenant it's difficult working out the budget.

28/03/2019 03:34 CAT I sleep late this morning. Zack is coming to visit just before the school holidays end on the 2nd of April, so it will be a short stay as he has to prepare for school. I still have to repair that pull switch in Mama's bedroom, when did i replace it? On Tuesday and it worked fine till one of the wires jumped out, i am loosing my touch. No it turns out to be a faulty switch. Jabu arrives with Zack unexpectantly at 07:20. Jabu has a quick cup of tea and and helps me to hang the washing. She asks me for thirty bucks for data. Zack and i have scrambled eggs with fried polony for breakfast. Zack helps me fit the spare pull switch. After lunch we watch Netflix.

29/03/2019 03:28 CAT Zack is sleeping on the spare mattress. Fast asleep. I wonder what time he watched TV till. I ask Jabu if Zack can stay till Sunday, she says yes then changes her mind and to top it all she says he must return early Saturday morning to pay her funeral service. What a fuck up, Zack was originally supposed to visit till Saturday 15:00. On Friday Zack and i walked to the beach and had some coffee and cold drink. His favourite is Fanta grape. We did some shopping as well. The short weekend turned out well but i was really pissed off that he had to go home early.

Jabu birthday 2019


01/04/2019 04:28 CAT I wake up late and i am off the the dental Clinic at G.J. Crookes at 07:00. Mrs M kindly takes me. I wait for my file and now it's the dreaded dentist. Unlike six months ago the injection for the extraction does not hurt at all. My teeth are cleaned as well. The dentist battled a bit to get my rotten wisdom tooth out. At least he knew what he was doing and i was very happy with him. Even though i was shaking a bit when i got out the dentist's chair.

02/04/2019 07:45 CAT Jabu comes to visit for breakfast. This is the second blouse Mama bought her for her birthday that did not fit. She did not even want to try it on she said it's too big. Oh well maybe next year. We had the usual fried eggs and tomatoe for breakfast. She also brought a blouse she bought from the Hospice which does not fit her and said maybe Mama will want it for forty bucks. Otherwise it was a cold autumns day. Always nice to have visitors especially when they don't ask you for bucks.

03/04/2019 14:00 CAT An unexpectant visit from Jabu, she stays for lunch but is out of here by 15:00 to catch a taxi. Asks me for data, OMG but the problem is i like visitors. So even though her visit cost me twenty nine bucks in data at least i had a visitor for one hour.

04/04/2019 16:15 CAT The wedding draws closer. My sister landed today. All looks good.

22/03/2019 03:01 CAT Can you fucking believe it, if it's not the load shedding now my internet LED on my router is flashing and i have no internet. Fuck this. Happens too often. 28/03/2019 All is well with the internet and it's a relief that the load shedding has stopped. Had a bit of a break from the laptop the other night and watched Netflix all early morning long. 05/04/2019 05:00 no internet again, i don't know whats up with these 05:00 drop outs. No ADSL and landline in the whole of Pennington since Thursday 18/04/2019, today is 29/04/2019.

Zimbali April 2019

12/04/2019 15:20 CAT Friday Mama and i leave via shuttle to Durban. It's my sister's wedding and the child's Christening. With the Christening over we head off to a hotel in Durban North beach for buffet supper. What magnificant food. Lamb as well my favourite. From there we depart to Fairmont Zimbali an estate situated north of Durban. What splendour, we share a tweleve bed house. 18/04/2019 no ADSL again so my spelling is up to shit. I find a place to smoke outside my room where there are many stompies, fag butts. The whole weekend i only smoked sixty fags. Mama has a kingzize bed and i have a queen. My loo is a bit small. I retire around 23:00 after the audious task of checking in through security. It's a fine warm autumns day.

13/04/2019 03:30 CAT Saturday I wake and have a swim in the pool on the verandah. The water is quite cool. The other folks there brought food but i did not drink there coffee and only had my first cup of coffee at 07:00, i did not know they brought food for us as well. Nancy makes breakfast who is there with her husband and two sons. We sit at a twenty sitter table. I have another swim in the cool water a have a nap whilst Mama goes off to the beach with the others. At two we are invited for lunch at my sisters place. She is the one that is getting married. We have another buffet, the girls are working very hard. At 19:00 we return for cocktails. I have a gin and tonic. My sister's child manges to fall in the pool whilst i am having a smoke break outside but no harm done. Master J says you tired to kill my brother, Master J is nine years old and a very loveble kid.

14/04/2019 13:00 CAT Sunday The photographer arrives at the house to take pics. And in the meantime my Cubot Manito crashes. I had to reset it early Sunday morning. No WIFI so i lost a lot of data. There actually was WIFI but we did not know the passphrase. I am very pissed off as neither Linux nor Windows 10 recognises my microSD card and i battled all day with Linux to try recover the data and am almost there once the ADSL s back up. I can see it as /dev/sda2 with an unknown file system. Windows 10 just wants to format it. We arrive at the wedding a bit late with my sister in another car. Mama and i sit at the back at the wedding ceremony, but are told to go sit in front. The ceremony starts and Mama reads a prayer. Usual wedding stuff and afterwards we have drinks. The pastor was quite stern about divorce. Then it's the grand reception and speeches. Buffet dinner with lamb again and starters. There was also curry but so much happened that weekend i don't remember. All i know is i found a smoking pal. Nice Indian chap who is a police man. I treated myself to Peter Stuyvesant Red soft pack the weekend. We danced and the reception ended early around 22:00 as Monday was a work day.

15/04/2019 11:00 CAT Mama and i where packed and we departed via shuttle for Pennington a one and one half hour trip.

19/04/2019 11:00 CAT Good Friday. I had arranged a day or two back for a lift for Mama and i to the Ifafa Catholic Church. Mrs M car was full and could not take us. By 11:30 our lift had not arrived and i Whatapped him. He had forgotten and said he was sure the Lord would forgive him. I got pissed off and said to Mama lets go to the Kiosk by the beach. We where already dressed so we just walked down. I ordered a Cappuccino mug and Mama ordered a sparkling minerial water. I thought what the fuck and ordered a pie as well. We quite enjoyed ourselves sitting under an umbrella in the autumn sun. On the way home we stopped at the shops and bought some groceries. I had a very good Good Friday and cancelled the 04:15 lift on Sunday to Church.

21/04/2019 10:00 CAT Mama prepared a feast with what we had. Chicken in gelatine, Mayo salad and Polish Mazurka cake. With Ham and bread. it was a really good breakfast.

22/04/2019 04:04 CAT I have been in a good mood since yesterday. Jabu came to visit and gave me a few long kisses. It really made me happy that i broke through after all these months. We have a hot and cold relationship so we will see what happens when she comes to visit this morning. It was a good visit, only when her foot is sore is she in a bad mood.

26/04/2019 05:30 CAT Half of Pennington is still without ADSL as of 18/04/2019. Did i mention that on Monday the road caved in due to the rain on the way to the clinic so i am fucked with collecting my meds this Friday. I have been spending most of my early mornings watching TV as 4G data is too expensive.

27/04/2019 13:15 CAT It was Mama's name day yesterday so she decided to treat us for a meal and cold drinks at the Kiosk by the beach today. I was quite hungry so my hamburger and chips went down quite well. Mama had hake, chips and salad. We spent almost three hours by the Kiosk under an umbrella. Just the walk back up is quite taxing for Mama up the hill. I carried some appels and groceries which we purchased at the shop on the way up. We had a great time.

29/04/2019 00:30 CAT Another weekend without ADSL. I am pretty pissed of with Jabu. I asked her if she could give me a haircut for free and she said no and if i pay her later it's one hundred rand instead off seventy rand. After all the data i have given her this year.

07/05/2019 02:35 CAT So it's final there will be no more ADSL IN Pennington due to copper cable theft. Mind boggling.

02/07/2019 04:57 CAT Jabu has not been to visit for what seems like months now. The good Lord provides me with a roof over my head and food whilst Jabu sometimes suffers, I think of her when i shower, she bathes in a basin in these cold winter months. Mama is overseas for the last time to see her sisters and friends. What a heatwave in Warsaw.

02/07/2019 02:58 CAT Downloaded Mageia 7 final in eighteen minutes all 4.1 gigs. Have been using Mageia 7 cauldron for many months now, what a pleasure. My Cubot Manito which i use as a hotspot is rebooting and halting randomly, my sister promised me an iphone 6S, second hand, i will see if i get it as now she is talking about a 5C. These days i only use Windows 10 on patch Tuesday, once a month that is and when there is any other update. I am sure i will use Windows 10 more often when i get my i9 then things should fly as they do now on my Celeron with Mageia, Debian and Ubuntu Linux except virtual box of course. 01:02 08/07/2019 busy upgrading to Debian Buster, took me two hours and twenty minutes to upgrade. But i made a slight faux pas. I altered the sources first to Buster then accidently ran "apt-get upgrade" instead of "apt-get dist-upgrade", i stopped a while through but i think it was too late an my installation was borked. Oh well i just installed Mageia 7 over the Debian Buster partition. Will install buster another time, never liked upgrades personally. An upgrade usually takes longer than a fresh install. I am thinking at this stage i will not be able to reinstall Debian Buster 10 as it needs non free firmware for my 4G to work, so i am a bit stuck. Pity so now i am stuck with my original cauldron Mageia 7, Mageia 7 final, Ubuntu and Windows 10. rkhunter takes almost nine minutes to run on this piece of shit Celeron N3060, i remember the days when rkhunter flew by.

04/07/2019 11:00 CAT exactly, Today i had a break from my hermit lifestyle, Mrs M took me Checkers to do some shopping and i needed a mop as well. They sell mops with plastic handles now and plastic connectors to the stringy bit so i wonder how long it will last. I had an old fashioned wooden mop with steel connector which finally broke. The shit they make these days, not Checkers fault. The travelling, shopping and unpacking takes almost three hours. Lucky i go only once a month and shop in bulk which Mama curses me for.

08/07/2019 090:05 CAT The maid and cook did not arrive for work Friday due to burning of tires and a strike in Malengeni. So i got pissed of and cooked pap, gravy and boerwors myself, was not too bad, i have enough pap and gravy for two days. Jabu is coming tomorrow to do the housework at my place on her free day. I hope it's not a big mistake.

09/07/2019 07:30 CAT Tuesday Jabu arrives at 07:30 exactly. She does not want breakfast straight away as she says she has a lot of work to do. After i throw away the trash and when Jabu has finished with the ironing we have Bacon, Eggs and fried tomato on toast. I leave Jabu to continue with the housework after having a nice chat whilst she was ironing and during breakfast. I am lying on the couch and think wether i should ask Jabu if she wants lunch as she stated earlier that she does not even have time for breakfast. True as fuck, one second later Jabu says she is hungry. We have roast chicken and potatoes for lunch with the gravy i cooked on Monday. Jabu leaves at 15:00 and we had a most pleasant social day together. And i did not come on to her once.

10/07/2019 02:54 CAT Wednesday I have not been sleeping well since Friday night, last night my condition improved from mild mania to stable. I went to sleep at 18:15 and woke around 01:07. We will see if i have the racing thoughts today and if i sleep. I have gone up to smoking 100 grams of tobacco in four days from 100 grams of tobacco in eight days. That is an easy judge of my stress levels. Forgot to mention that Malangeni has been without running water for a month now and tires where burnt on Friday and Monday as a strike protest. Dumb fucks, how can you cut the peoples water supply off especially in winter when it does not rain to fill the water tanks. I fell asleep on the couch at about 20:30 and woke an hour later to go to bed. I am a peoples person even though i lead a hermit lifestyle and i think i am becoming lonely without contact with others.

11/07/2019 03:51 CAT Thursday. Today i will do the laundry in hope that the maid pitches tomorrow. I have to start getting things ready for Mama's return from Europe on the 19th. I am currently sleeping in her bedroom but on my mattress which is a queen extra length. My bedroom/tenants bedroom has a double straight. We are now just poor simple folk after losing our funds in Pennington in 2012/2013. Everything started to go south after the good Lord decided to take my Merc way from me on the 5th December 2012 in that awefull car smash. As of March 2012 Mama and i had enough funds to retire on easily. The funds all went to hell over two years.

13/07/2019 07:48 CAT Saturday Zack arrives for a weekend visit after four months of absense. Usual hand shakes and hugs. I give Zack his 18th April birthday present, a flash drive. We have breakfast, scrambled eggs on toast and Zack goes to the shop for me as i was not fit to drive my bike yesterday. Whilst i am cooking lunch, Zack washes my bike. Rice and chicken livers. After lunch we relax and watch TV. The day flies by. I like this new Coke flavour with less sugar.

14/07/2019 07:45 CAT Sunday I later find out from Jabu that Zack did not sleep well. He stayed up till 23:00 but that had nothing to do with it, Zack said the TV was boring. He misses Netflix. He did watch one movie on my smart phone today. I slept well Saturday night but i went to bed around 19:00 on Sunday night and woke at 22:00.

15/07/2019 03:34 CAT Monday I am still awake. Eventually fall asleep till 07:53.

16/07/2019 01:05 CAT Tuesday Had good nights sleep for a change. Jabu will help me out again today and do the housework if she can get through the burning tires and strike. Eight new councillors where appointed for Umdoni with shinny new cars and smart phones but the people suffer, the pot holes in our road have not been repaired for a year now. Jabu arrives at 07:21. At first she seems to be in a good mood and we have breakfast after she finishes ironing but after my power nap her mood has changed. She puts on her headphones and listens to music and Whatsapp her friends. Last Tuesday she turned off her phone but she did a good job cleaning the house. I cook lunch rice and boerewors but she refuses to eat. So i wait till she leaves at 14:40 to eat. She heads off to the shop and chemist to purchase some pills for her sore foot. Basically we had an unpleasant day together. Eighteen months later after our separation she starts talking about a mug that is hers and a blanket she left behind.

18/07/2019 07:42 CAT Thursday The maid finally pitches up. The house is already spick and span from Jabu's work on Tuesday.

17/07/2019 02:01 CAT Wednesday Fell asleep eventually at 22:00 the previous evening. So i had only four hours sleep and today i am supposed to go shopping in Scottburgh at 11:00. We will see how it goes. Did i mention a semi tame black cat comes into our house sometimes as well as a ginger cat but i have not seen the tame ginger cat for a while now, maybe because i stopped praying for pussy and now pray for ingquaza. Shopping went well as afterwards we had coke on the beach. 23:29 still up can't sleep.

19/07/2019 04:53 CAT Friday Mama lands at King Shaka airport. At 06:00 the airport company phones me to ask me wether someone is going to pick her up. I get hold of the shuttle service and they find her five minutes later. She arrives exhausted and sleeps all day and night. I also get a good nights sleep the first one since the 5th July 2019.

20/07/2019 04:45 CAT Saturday I went to sleep at 19:35 and woke at 04:45. Mama woke up in the afternoon shorty and we watched photo's of Warsaw on flash drive. Hundreds of them.

21/07/2019 02:45 CAT Sunday Had a good five and one half hours sleep last night, Mama has a head cold which she picked up in Warsaw. She has been mostly sleeping since Friday, Durban-London-Warsaw-London-Paris-Warsaw-London-Durban is quite taxing for a seventy eight year old. On top of that the first flight to London from Durban was aborted due to on set of windscreen wipers not working on the plane. Just thinking, the last time i bhepa and came was 15/06/2019, I do however get morning erections which do not last long if i bhepa. I need to cum soon, my balls are bursting. Since my blood pressure pills where changed by the best doctor in town, i have had a slight improvement. I am still suffering from mild mania as of 05/07/2019, too many thoughts and not enough daydreams. Strange end July 2018 i also almost went overboard, when i was moving Mama back from Summerhill Lodge to Pennington. In March 2012 i arrived in Penninton with a 3G dongle with a 3 Gig cap, looks like i will leave Pennington with 4G. Now it's Rain, no more ADSL. I have to drive ten kilometers to go the post office or fifteen as the Pennington post office closed in December 2018 and was one kilometer away. I have been waiting since the 18th of April 2019 for a WIFI landline to be delivered by Telkom.

23/07/2019 04:45 CAT Tuesday I sleep late and notice Mama is awake. I notice her forehead has blood on it and i ask what happened, she says she tripped. It is only at 08:00 that i walk into Mama's bedroom and she informs me that she has a broken arm. I call Mrs M and she takes Mama to Doctor V. Mama goes for x-rays and is admitted to a private hospital for an operation. On the 25/07/2019 she has the op. Her humerus bone was fractured.

25/28/07/2019 15:00 CAT i visit Mama at Hospital with Mrs M who has the transport. My sister refuses to pay for the transport costs. Mama is in a terrible state mentally after the op and it took one and one half hour for the sisters to bring her a jug of water. My sister says if Mama treats people right they will treat her right.

30/07/2019 10:45 CAT Tuesday Mrs M and i leave Pennington to pick u Mama, She is to be discharged today. She was going to stay an extra week at the insistance of my sister but Mama's Doctor changed his mind after i spoke to him whilst he was doing his rounds on 29/07/2019 AM.

30/07/2019 13:01 CAT Tuesday Mama arrives home. Jabu has cooked meals ahead for a couple of days for us.

Addendmun: Whilst Mama was in London (June 2019) for five days she was informed not to touch the children and not to speak the Polish language to them as it is language confusion. Mama does not enjoy violent movies but she had a tiny penknife in her handbag at the airport, there was a big issue about it by the London family.

31/07/2019 02:04 CAT Wednesday Mama is fast asleep from 20:00 last night. I changed her nappy last night and today she gets a shower with the help of Jabu who is coming after work. Jabu wanted to give Mama a bath and i strongly objected. Jabu gave Mama a bed bath instead at my instance. I am not comfortable taking of Mama's sling yet. Jabu changes her nappy. Before all this Jabu cooks pap and gravy for Jabu and myself. Mama has two slices of her favourite toasted bread and jogurt. I was exhausted today as i neither had my morning nor afternoon power nap.

01/08/2019 02:01 CAT Thursday Mama wakes at 03:00 for a pee. I fell much better today after my morning power nap, but my back of my neck is stressed.

02/08/2019 02:03 CAT Friday I wake Mama up for her 03:00 pee, she is in nappies and i have to help her pull them up once she is finished urinating.

03/08/2019 00:01 CAT Saturday Five hours sleep, i will be fucked today. Adjusted Mama's blanket at 02:15 it had fallen of the bed. Jabu has to go to Umzinto today and returns late Sunday. I am still weary of removing Mama's sling. I am a psyhc care giver not a medical one. Today Mama went for a pee by herself again at 03:58, i helped her get back in bed. Lucky in a way that i work the graveyard shift.

04/08/2019 04:37 CAT Sunday

Mama's care at Marek's Private High Care Clinic since Tuesday 30/07/2019, 13:00

  • 03:00-04:00 pee, nappy change
  • 09:00 Pee, nappy change and breakfast
  • Walk around inside the house after breakfast
  • 10:00 Watch TV in her armchair and chat
  • 12:00-13:00 lunch
  • After lunch walk around inside the house
  • 14:00-17:00 rest time in bed
  • 17:00 supper
  • After supper walk around, watch TV and chat
  • 19:00-20:00 bath, nappy change and to retire to bed

Mama is basically alone from around 22:00 till 02:00 when both Jabu and i are here.

05/08/2019 That cow mother in law of mine put shit into Jabu's head over the weekend and now Jabu is not happy with the arrangement we have after the hundreds of thousands Mama spent on us over the last seven years. Jabu did not eat breakfast nor supper with us today.

06/08/2019 04:02 Tuesday CAT Nappy change, Mama has had this bladder problem for a few years but now it seems to be worse, she used to use maxi pads. I am sure she fractured her humerus bone in the first place whilst going to the loo in the dark, before going overseas on holiday she used to have a bowel next to her bed. 09:00 Jabu gets pissed off and packs her bags and leaves even though we have a verbal agreement for five weeks. Mama and i carry on as usual.

07/08/2019 02:45 CAT Wednesday The alarm clock wakes me. Mama has a pee at 03:15, the day passes with Jabu returning at 16:50 from her day job. At 18:50 with much protest from Mama and Jabu, i remove the sling and change Mama's gown. Jabu gives Mama a bed bath. Mama is feeling much better today, she manages to get out and in of bed by herself.

08/08/2019 02:45 CAT Thursday I lie in bed till 02:55. By 19:00 i am really fucked even if i have my power naps. Usual pee at 03:00 by both of us, :-) Mama is going to see the Doctor next week at Toti, i don't know how i am going to pay for the petrol costs, i already owe Mrs M for transport.

08/08/2019 05:21 CAT Thursday I have come to the conclusion that my Cubot Manito smart phone has been hacked the last two months or since my sister's wedding. Since Mama was discharged from Netcare Kingsway hospital, the smart phone no longer halts. That's nine days now without a halt. And only one reboot from me as the camera hangs sometimes which has been going on for a year now. I never received the pre owned iPhone 6S from my sister as promised, she said "next time". I have gone through hell waiting for the iPhone 6S but she is like that, makes deals she does not keep, mainly due to her husband. Mageia 7 KDE Plasma is grafting just fine touch wood and not been hacked at the moment like my Windows 10 installation.

09/08/2019 02:45 CAT Friday My sisters birthday. I will wish her happy birthday. 03:47 Mama goes for a pee. The usual when she is finished, i pull up her nappy and tuck her into bed. So far she is slightly constipated so i had only had to play with her shit twice in the last week. Jabu was not happy with her pay so i had to increase it and she requires food three times a day even when working at her day job. As usual i will serve Mama breakfast, lunch and supper and tea in between.

10/08/2019 02:45 CAT Saturday Usual story, wake up have a smoke and drink my special blend of coffee. Mama is not up yet as of 04:02.

12/08/2019 02:14 CAT Monday Uneventful weekend either that on 11/08/2019 at 14:00 i managed to cum this time, second time this month, Jabu makes me horny. I would really like to fuck her but she wants none of it. Jabu went home Saturday after work, will be back this morning. Again she has us cutting the wedding cake on her profile pic, this woman is crazy. At 11:00 we leave for the Kingsway for a quick check up. The Doctor V II says Mama is doing fine. Mama can have her bandage off now. The Doctor removes two stitches of the thirteen. The morning turns out to be sunny with clouds and cold in the afternoon.

21/08/2019 06:08 CAT Wednesday So time flies buy. Kellogs and joghurt for Mama for breakfast, Jabu cooks me eggs for breakfast and supper for us. She is mostly in a foul mood because of the pain in her foot. Even though yesterday i actually got a few kisses out of her. Never know. Would love a BJ.

28/08/2019 05:00 CAT Wednesday The most exciting life i lead.

11/09/2019 07:00 CAT Wednesday Mrs M took me to G.J. Crookes to have my script renewed. Long wait as usual from 07:00 till 12:00, at least i consulted with the best GP in Scottburgh again unlike Doctor Mlawuli who told me to go see a dermatologist for my rash. The Kwa Zulu Natal Health service spends a lot of money on me so i do appriciate what they do for me.

03/10/2019 23:17 CAT Thursday Mama is slowly recovering and is out of her sling and Jabu gives her a bath standing up.

07/10/2019 23:00 CAT Monday I retire to bed at 19:00 and wake at 23:00. Maybe i have been sleeping to much these last few months or the financial stress has caught up to me since 31/07/2019, Transport costs to the Kingsway Private Hospital and paying the sleep in caregiver.

07/10/2019 02:00 CAT Monday To top it all my Windows 10 will not update, I have tried almost every fix on youtube and google to no avail. What a poes operating system that costs 2000 ZAR and can fuck out anytime. It's useless to me now as if i refresh it, it will blow away all my Linux partitions. Good riddance. Like i said from 2002 till October 2012 i only used a Linux operating system. Suited my business needs just fine and then Windows 7 made me go half nuts, it's a big leap from Linux OS to a piece of shit. Even though i will miss Window 10 a bit especially the agony of the slowness of the apps opening and then booting back into Linux with high speed response. If i could run a business for so long using only Linux then almost anyone can. Even though rkhunter takes nine minutes and thirty four seconds to run on this piece of shit Celeron. Whats it now a N3060 or some shit like that.

12/10/2019 04:03 CAT Saturday It's a cold vibe these last two months mostly between Jabu and I. She says she is here to sleep over in the same bed as i just to bath Mama and she cooks as well. My cooking is not good enough for her, i suppose she is right as she is an expert chef. We have been separated since 17th December 2017, how time flies with on and off sporadic getting back together episodes. The last time i had a full kiss from Jabu was 08/08/2019, now it's "don't touch me or i will leave". I have developed a stress related pain in the back of my neck this week, the flac seems to come from Jabu as the domestic was here the whole day yesterday and i did not have any tension. About time to get a divorce. I feel sorry for Jabu, she works so hard for peanuts and has Zack to support as Zack's farther is unemployed yet in their household they have DSTV Premium and i am sitting with Access, the second lowest end package. In 2018 i put down 1600 ZAR of my own money towards Zack's school fees which i had saved from the tenants.
Jabu went off to Durban this afternoon to visit her ill sister at hospital. Before she left she bathed and washed Mama's hair as well as cooking chicken livers in a nice gravy with mash. Jabu was in a very good mood for a change today. As the clock strikes midnight ...

13/10/2019 00:00:12 CAT Sunday I woke at 23:25 last night. Four and one half hours sleep instead of seven. Will i go crazy, will i go nuts, only time will tell, these last seven days i have had a lot of stress and little sleep.

14/10/2019 04:52 CAT Monday Like i mentioned before i pray for pussy and mali but instead i have deceided to pray for ingquza instead, the reason being when i prayed for pussy a ginger cat and a semi wild black cat kept coming into our house. According to google it's supposed to bring good luck when a black cat comes into ones house. No such thing, Mama fractured her humerus. I cannot think of a business plan to work from home to make real bucks unlike the AMPPOL IT days in Johannesburg and Pennington up till end 2013? before my Joomla website was hacked. At 10:45 we leave for the Kingsway for X-ray and what turns out to be the final visit, the orthopedic surgeon is happy with Mama's progress. We arrive home just in time for lunch, i cook the pasta and Jabu cooked the mint sauce, she is not feeling well with her stomach. Bit too much excitement for me and i fall asleep at 21:35 and wake again at 23:55.

15/10/2019 00:15 CAT Tuesday After all the negative things i have typed about Jabu, deep down she is a sweet girl with a good heart but puts on a hard exterior. She has helped a lot since 31/07/2019 with Mama's fractured humerus. When i was born in Warsaw Poland, my grand dad gave me an American Eagle gold coin. I kept it all my life till recently i had to sell it. Lucky i did as it's backup funds for Mama's transport, caregiver, nappies and extra food costs for the caregiver. Gran dad also said the first of the four sisters that get married will have the flat in road Zloty, i lost out on the deal as when my parents and i escaped the socialistic regime in 1968, the flat which is worth millions of rand today eventually went to my only surviving aunt. God bless her soul my one aunt passed away the other day. Mama saw her in July 2019 for the last time in Warsaw.

18/10/2019 02:38 CAT Friday Load shedding again since Wednesday. I last filled up my rusted 4.5 kg gas bottle in 2011. This gas bottle is still from Dorota's days when we went camping in the Drakensberg and La Lucia. These days i only use it to boil water for tea, but Jabu used it the other day to cook rice when the electricity was cut half way through her cooking the rice. My skottle is long gone, sold in April 2016 together with my mechanical tools and extension ladders. Sadly Jabu's contract ends, end of October 2019, she is a great help to Mama, bathing her after work and cooking her fantastic isiZulu cusine. Prawns are still my favourite but second best is now pap and wors with Jabu's secret sauce. We have not made love since October 2017 when i became impotent. Now that i can make love she wants nothing to do with it. We have basically been separated since 17th December 2017, getting back together on occasions till present.

19/10/2019 00:02 Cat Saturday Went to sleep early last night.

19/10/2019 00:02 Cat Saturday Waiting to update from Ubuntu Linux 19.04 to 19.10 but the servers are slow. sudo do-release-upgrade -c does not help. I enjoy distro hoping, but mostly stay with Mageia 7 for now. Most fustrated that i still can't update Windows 10, i do not have enough experience with Windows. Like i said i have tried every You tube fix and google fix almost but still get a 00..... error when updating.

20/10/2019 02:20 CAT Sunday I am suffering from mild mania these last ten days due to lack of sleep. I find i am more productive when i graft sixteen hours a day, like the Johannesburg days, 2003 till 2012. I prefer mild mania to stable but it fucks up my daytime hours. Jabu's contact ends, end of October 2019 and i will not be able to renew it due to lack of funds. She has been a great help these last three months. So i will help Mama to bath like i changed her nappies in August 2019 when Jabu was at work. Thank fuck we have a dish washer. I fell off the top of a street light when i was younger in my electrician days and now in my elder years i think my lower back has caught up with me as well as my knee when i came off my bike at sixteen doing motor cross. Jabu is going home today for a day visit, her mothers house is four clicks from here. Jabu has been friendly these last week, maybe because she knows she is going home. She is getting good free food but cooks for it as a umfazi should for the indota. If i accidentally touch her she gets pissed of and shouts "don't touch me or i will leave", terrorist.

20/10/2019 22:36 CAT Sunday tired i retire at 18:35, just to be woken at 22:36 by Jabu as i was taking up the whole bed, i said fuck it and

decided to work on my laptop. I had a spare partition so i installed Debian 9. Then upgraded to Debian 10 Buster, this time i got it right and the firmware grafts for my 4G. Buster is very quick to come up even using KDE Plasma. I am considering downloading Buster again, i have it somewhere and installing it over my 200 Gig Windows 10 partition but not too likely as yet, i love to see what a crap operating system Windows 10 is when i boot into Linux. I will wait till the second week of November when the feature bug fix update comes. 21/10/2019 i downloaded Debian 10 and Ubuntu 19.10, i download on demand these not like the good old days. I wiped out my Ubuntu 19.04 and installed 19.10 and installed Debian 10 Buster on a spare partition. So now i have plenty of toys to play with and configure. I am waiting for the second week of November 2019 if my Windows 10 update gets fixed with the bug fix feature update.

22/10/2019 16:53 CAT Tuesday Mama went to the physio for the first time, a month too late. But she has been in great pain till now. At least the nappies and sling are gone. Jabu went to visit her brother at G.J. Crookes today, he is not well. To top it all Jabu's sister is in the King Edward hospital but recovering. I am suffering from mild mania. I don't sleep well these last seven days. I have a Dentist appointment to have my teeth cleaned tomorrow at G.J. Crookes but i have canceled the transport at 20:00, i will phone the dental clinic tomorrow to cancel as well. I am normally in bed the latest 20:00 but it's 23:04 now and i am wide awake. This gives me a good seven hours sleep if i sleep till 03:00 from 20:00 but i am used to it since 2003, working these hours.

23/10/2019 00:00 CAT Wednesday Had thirty minutes sleep and canceled my dentist appointment for teeth cleaning. My brother in law is also in G2 since Monday. Yet Mrs M kindly took me to Checkers at 11:00, we got back at 14:00 after visiting the beach then going to the mall for some of her business.

24/10/2019 02:45 CAT Thursday 31st October 2019 is approaching quickly, Jabu's contract ends. Our funds have run out so it's a blessing in disguise that Jabu is leaving. Jabu misses eNkompo and her way of life there almost the last two years. Jabu, Zack and i lived at this house for two years together. And longer on and off since April 2012. But 17th December 2017 was that fateful day we seperated forever. How time flies. After the 31st of October there will be no more chicken hearts and pap, chicken dumplings, chicken livers and phutu and wors in Jabu's delicious gravy, Jabu should be a chef not a maid.

25/10/2019 21:12 CAT Friday My sex life has improved dramatically this year compared to October 2017 when i last attempted to make love to Jabu. I am quite content to bhepa and come once in twenty tries, an African wild dog does better. I need to shoot my load into some pussy though yet funds are scarce to find a girlfriend and i am afraid to try one of the Park Rynie ladies in case i don't get it up with my muthi pills which started to fail me in October 2017. That's two years without punda. Only a few blow jobs from our seperated wife. I am trying to negotiate a deal with Mama to keep Jabu on for November 2019 but she refuses. The other option i put to Mama today was to have another tenant but she declined. Mama refuses to have a shower even though she only had a shower at Summerhill Lodge at Scottburgh. I am scared Mama will slip in the bath standing up whilst i bath her. She and my sister will not listen to me and it always comes off second best. Amazing i should be a Prof. I have lost count but i think it's nine days since i am suffering from slight mania. I am pretty pissed of that i missed my cleaning Dentist appointment at G.J. Crookes. But I did not sleep for twenty for hours prior to my appointment and i think the Dental clinic will be full up now till the end of the year for cleaning. I am too anxious to drive my bike, it stood for two months. The ignition is giving me hassles and i was quoted 1000 ZAR for a new ignition. A service was due in June 2019. Like i said i sold my mechanical tools in April 2016 to George so i am fucked to service the bike myself even though i have done so in the past.

26/10/2019 02:42 CAT Saturday I retired around 22:00 last night thinking that if i go to sleep late like the other night i will wake at 04:45 again, no such luck. My clock was set in 2002/2003 to retire at 20:00 and wake around 02:00, fuck there is no rain. Like i said i miss the high intensity Johannesburg thunderstorms. We have a lovely garden full of trees some protected and i enjoy having a cup of tea and watching a pair of birds who have nested a hole of the tree, no nyoka's (snakes) so far this year. Come to think of it i only spotted one nyoka last year in a tree. The monkeys are scare these last few years, they don't come to eat the nectar of the red flowering tree. They like to run up and down the roof though and messed up my gutters this year. btw i am still smoking hand rolled fags, hundred grams in eight days, hundred grams in four days if my stress levels go up. The idiots at ethembeni only allowed five smoke breaks a day, what kind of fucked up thinking, what was i supposed to, pump myself more full of drugs to get over the urge of smoking. I don't mind being locked up at G2 , last time was 5th January 2016 i was discharged from G.J. Crookes, but this next time (and there will be a next time) i will call the ambulance myself and not have twenty vangwas (Police) come collect me. I was at THMC in 2003, after that stable for eleven years. This fucking Pennington fucked me up badly and there is only one road out and that is to the homeless shelter if Mama should pass before i do. All is quite on the eastern front, except that at 16:04 Jabu got pissed of with me because i asked her if she would like to make love. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. So it's back to bhepa.

This is since the sling came off one month ago:

  • 09:00 Mama wakes
  • Bokomo and yoghurt and a pot of rooibos tea are ready for her a la Marek
  • She has the rest of the morning to herself mostly reading the bible and watching TV
  • Lunch is two toasted low GI slices of bread and cheese
  • More TV and Bible in the afternoon.
  • Mama is a bit depressed, she does not want to walk around the house with me like before
  • Jabu comes back from her day job and cooks supper for us
  • At 19:00 Jabu baths Mama then gives her a all over body massage with aqueous cream
  • Mama is tucked into bed by 20:00 in time for Generations and Uzalo
I have miss diagnosed myself, i am fluctuating between mild mania and depression. This last week i have cried a lot when i saw the pic of my deceased uncle and last Sunday when Jabu and i had a misunderstanding over roast chicken. Reminds me of my cousin who used to cry a lot, what a good guy he is the only one to phone me and congratulate me on the 18/05/2013 when we where married.

27/10/2019 20:00 CAT Sunday

I decided, fuck it, i am not going to let Windows 10 get the better of me so i reset my windows 10. Took me 12 hours to reset on my Celeron but i did it without losing my Linux partitions. I had worked for a week prior to this to try and get Windows 10 1903 to update with no success. Kept getting the 00xxxxx error like i mentioned. With only two hours sleep in twelve i was quite tried after the reset. But at least i have Windows 10 back again. I also found out my USB flash drive to recover Windows 10 does not graft. I wonder how long a reset would take on my broken i5 Desktop, two hours tops, i am sure. My low spec Celeron was designed to write word documents and that's all. Even though on Windows 10 Zack used to play Call of Duty Black Ops II and Need for speed by Origin at a low frame rate. Zack finished COD a few times and it must have taken him six hours to go through all the levels. So now being 29/10/2019 01:25, i had a good nights sleep. I will at some stage configure Windows 10. Not much to do. I have decided to add only two apps so far. So now i am sitting with Windows 10, Debian Buster, Ubuntu 19.10 and Mageia 7.1. One needs at least to dual boot to install Debian Busters firmware or have a friend who has a machine. 28/10/2019/29/10/2019 i left my brand new Windows 10 sleeping. When i logged in it was non responsive and had to reboot, viva Windows 10 viva. Thank God for Linux. Next time i will use Windows 10 is for the bug fix feature update due November. 30/10/2019 22:05 i decided to use the Windows insider program and install build 1909. winver says i am on 1909 but the update went very quickly, like i said i only installed two apps, Microsoft Edge Beta and Chromium browser. I am going to leave it at that and see what fucks out next on Windows 10, I enjoy using Windows 10 as a smoke break from Linux. If the God's favoured me i would have a couple of machines like pre 2014 and have an different OS on each. I am on Debian Buster now, 02/11/2019 02:05 and find Debian to be he most responsive on this machine. I can't run virtual box at all on Mageia 7.1 for some reason, the CPU is just overwhelmed.

29/10/2019 01:15 CAT Tuesday Had a good seven hours sleep. Today at 11:30 we go to the physio for Mama, her second session. I see we had a bit of rain last night, i can hear the dripping of water. We need a lot more rain to fill the water tanks especially at eNkompo. I am persona non grata at eNkompo after our seperation on 17th December 2017. Since Telkom canceled all landlines and ADSL in Pennington on 18th April 2019 i am unable to watch Netflix on my TV. The data costs would be too great, so Zack does not come to visit much. I had to purchase a new above ground pool which is smaller than a bath length wise but what joy on a hot spring day. I lost 1000 litres when i filled up my old pool, it had a leak. This time last year i was swimming in the ocean according to google photo's. So at 11:20 Mrs M comes to pick us up and we leave for the two clicks drive. Mama is in great pain after the physio. How nice it was to go to the local shops in a car for a change instead of backpack and bike. Bit of a fuck up with the physio as she is fully booked for next Tuesday. You know by now that i am a hermit not of my own choosing, all my mates are scattered all over the globe. I have calculated that Mama's post op fees to be 22700 ZAR over four months till end November 2019, including caregiver, pain killers, maxi pads and transport costs.

30/10/2019 01:19 CAT Wednesday Did not go to sleep last night again. Got into bed and out again. Suits me fine my mild mania, more productive. I pray every day for a business plan. If only i had the AMPPOL IT Linux CD's & DVD's back at a profit again, just cruiseing now.

31/10/2019 22:05 CAT - 01/11/2019 03:41 CAT Friday I am quite enjoying this computer game. Lets hope i don't enjoy it too much as in the past i went nuts and smashed my Gigabyte 17" i7 i think it was with a four pound hammer and the put the pieces together with a broken Lenova and they grafted as one. But i think the Pennington electronic pulse frequincies have let me alone now. So i should not venture above mild mania. I will call the ambulance if i reach moderate/severe mania. Then G.J. Crookes needs to sort me out. As long as some dumb fuck does not send me to Umzimkulu phsyc Hospital for the summer holidays. Now is not a good time for me to fall apart whilst i am caring for Mama together with Jabu.

02/11/2019 00:56 CAT Saturday Had a good nights sleep from 18:30 till 00:05. I prefer to work at night and have naps during the day. Last night i had a bit of toothache at 04:10. I curse the day i canceled my Dentist appoint for cleaning on the 23rd of October 2019. Since the 23/07/2019 till 31/10/2019 my sister has helped virtually fuck all with costs of Mama's recovery. It's the London thing where my sister's husband and Mama did not get on well together, pity Mama's overseas trip was fucked up and on returning to Pennington exhausted, remember she slept for three days non stop after her return before fracturing her humerus. Mama misses her walks to the shops and beach. We are just poor simple folk, living in a village which is loaded. 5th December 2019 will be seven years since i rolled my Merc. Maybe our life will change in the next seven years.

03/11/2019 02:35 CAT Sunday The first thing that decided to fuck out on my new Windows 10 installation is HP assistant, there is a new version of HP assistant but it refuses to install. I will never upgrade the BIOS again from HP assistant as it wipes out all my UEFI entries bar Ubuntu. Done it twice in the last two years. These Microsoft support techies make a killing. How time flies, this Celeron N3060 will be two years old mid November. I am not a gamer much these days and virtual box will not graft at all on Windows 10 but grafted on Mageai 6 fine. I am having hassles for virtual box to graft at all on Mageia 7.1. I think i have a memory leak. I yearn for thirty two gigs of RAM and an i7/9 CPU. If Windows 10 does not fly then, then fuck it. OK maybe that is an overkill memory wise i don't need to run so many virtual boxes at once. The only thing that occurs fast on this machine is writing my autobiography.

03/11/2019 23:56 Cat Sunday Just thinking of Tata now. He suffered from RA from 1999 and was pumped full of steroids. What a fucked up illness to have. His screams at night from the pain. He was euthanized on the 12th March 2006. Ask my sister, three doctor decided to take him off the life support air machine, i asked why, the sister at the sisters station said ask your sister. This is where the fuck up comes in, doctors think they are gods but some of them know sweet fuck all going by what i went through at G.J. Crookes and i only consulted with the Ugandian shrink twice at kwa place of the fucked up mountain and a GP who sent me on LOA till Doc e sorted out the matter and i did not return. Whats the pass requirment for grade 12 these days 40, 35 %, so to be a doctor one needs at least 50% i speculate these days. I would love to be a 50% person. I was like Tata in my younger years, hard working and HONEST not the bull shit trick Kwela Electrical pulled on us, twenty fucking six points of non compliance.

04/11/2019 04:15 CAT Monday It's raining for a change. Just woke up from a power nap on the couch. Will have to go to see my Dentist at G.J. Crookes soon, my tooth is bugging me, lets hope it's a filing and not another extraction. Time to watch a movie or you tube videos. I sleep during the day and work at night since 2002/2003, my body clock is just set that way. At 11:00 we leave for Scottburgh and drop Jabu off at the mall. Mrs M and i are back in Pennington before 13:00 with my monthly shopping. I purchase my meat from OK Foods down the road as they have a very good butchery except chicken. They sell the best wors (sausage for grilling) i have ever tasted. South African school holidays start soon in December the 5th so Pennington will be a hive of holiday makers. Jabu sleeps over at her mums house so Zack can reset her phone. I asked her if she used the email address i told her to use, she said yes but it turned out to be a lie.

05/11/2019 03:33 CAT Tuesday Had a good nights sleep, retired at 18:30 and woke just now. today at 12:10 i take Mama to physio with the shuttle service as Mrs M is going to Bible study. After the op on 25/07/2019 Mama still has great pain in her arm. Jabu asks me for my wifi password and i notice one of her Whatsapp messages relating to "My Hero" she has been having an affair whilst we have been separted. Talk about her pussy (ingquza) and such, don't know why in Englsh though. The wheel is round, two years ago she used to read my Whatsapp messages whilst i was asleep and she was charging my phone. I will not touch her with a barge pole now. Time to go to legal aid and get a divorce.

Jabu weddding band

I gave Jabu a matching engagement ring and wedding band in early 2013, which she later lost whilst working in Johannesburg a few years later. I lost my wedding band at G.J. Crookes.

06/11/2019 02:11 CAT Wednesday Usual stuff, boot into Windows 10, no updates, looks like i am on 1909. Power failure at 12:05 till 12:35 and again now from 19:04 ongoing, it's 23:00 now and the electricity came on at 00:10. Five hours. Never had this shit with power failures every two minutes in Johannesburg. We had pap, gravy and coleslaw for lunch, like i said Jabu is an excellent chef. Can't fall asleep now too excited with a prospective tenant coming tomorrow but Mama does not want a tenant, so i don't know what to do as we need the bucks.

05/11/2019 04:03 CAT Tuesday Tomorrow i will boot into Windows 10 and see what Microsoft is up to. It's not patch Tuesday yet buy the rumour is that build 1909 will come out on the 12th November being the 13th in South Africa, can't wait for another fuck up. I have build 1909 according to winver but i don't think i have the complete build, it came down too quickly. Windows 10 would be such a nice operating system if they copied Linux more like they have done with previous versions. Apparently i do have the full build 1909, it was more like a service pack. Good luck i will use Windows 10 every patch Tuesday.

07/11/2019 11:15 CAT Thursday Another power outage at 10:40 for ten minutes. Shame has the ANC (the government) being stealing too much since 1994. Oh the prospective tenant did not pitch at 10:00 Well now that the electricity is back on maybe time to watch a movie on Netflix, don't feel like having my morning nap. Retired at 19:00 and woke at 23:18. Fresh as a daisy. Stage 2 load shedding is to be implemented today from 22:00 till 05:00, great just during my working hours. tic toc i am waiting to see what occurs at 00:05. My laptop battery only lasts for three hours and my Cubot Manito smart phone for sixteen hours with a 4000 mAh power bank i reckon which i received last Xmas from my sister. It is pissing outside right now for a change. I hope my above ground kiddies pool does not burst. Smaller than a bath tub, 1300 mm inside but so nice on a hot spring day, all i could afford this year after i found my 2500 mm above ground pool to be leaking. Sunrise i will see if my pool is still standing. 23:45 time to fill up the kettle with water, brb. Candles at standby. Gas bottle ready. Brewed a cup of tea. 23:56:10. Smart phone at 96% battery. Will the cell phone towers hold out like they never did yesterday. 00:00:10

08/11/2019 00:00:50 Cat Friday Few minutes to go. Lets have a smoke break. 00:08:02 there will be no load shedding at this time maybe from 02:05. Bad time to wake up at 23:18 yesterday. Will be fucked if i don't have a power nap around 04:00. I have to go to the clinic on my bike this afternoon and don't feel like driving when i am real tired. Maybe i will get a lift or catch a taxi. Usually take five minutes to get my meds. Unfortunatly this time there was a young snotty nose sister (instead of the usual sister) and the usual male nurse (who is very pleasant and helpful) at reception at the Pennington clinic. She had a pile of files in front of her and told me "wait outside, i am busy". (there is a waiting room with a whole lot of chairs). So i said i thought it was fast track during 12:00 and 13:00. As i said that sister P walked out the consulting room and helped me seven minutes later. I received all my meds except Camcolit which the G.J. Crookes pharmacy did not have in stock. Does not matter i have plenty of Camcolit in stock. I am also worried that my ignition is not right on my bike, once the dash lights come on when i turn the key and sometimes not. But this time my bike rode like a beauty. Lovely, if i read it right the next load shedding will be at 16:00 till 18:30 today, yummy during supper time. Viva ANC viva, awetho, amandla. I vote for the DA btw. Amazing out of 57 million folks most vote for the ANC but they don't have running water, hot water or they live in shacks. Then they burn down 24 wheeler trucks and schools to show they are unhappy. Pre 1994 the ANC promised the African folk they would have the white homes once they where in power. (there are many white farmers murdered and raped and tortured). We are all comrades here now in the new South Africa just like Rhodesia used to be the bread basket of Africa. Northern Rhodesia was Zambia. Now the whites will suffer like the Africans suffered in South Africa. I am already suffering since end 2013 when my business folded after ten years and only have a trickle now. March 2012 we came to Pennington loaded and i met Jabu on the 24th of April, went on a spending spree and G.J. Crookes and Umzimkulu fucked me up as i could not pay my debt review whilst locked up. Poor Mama did not have a clue what to do with the bills and how to pay them. I lost one funeral policy which i had for years. I now pay of my debts monthly after lengthly negotiations whilst Mama is still alive. Lest hope i go first, i don't feel like sleeping on the pavement in Scottburgh especially during those cold winter nights. Since 1998 i have worked for myself and would find it difficult working for someone else never mind my condition. My sister says i need to get a job on the web but i can't come up with a business plan. I love laundry days and dishwasher days as it gives me something to do. And looking after Mama since she fractured her humerus has kept me busy. It's 01:41:20 now, will they cut the power at 02:05? They never did cut the power. The only good guy was Nelson Mandela, i feel sorry for him that he sat in jail for twenty six years and Thabo Mbeki was not too bad either. Now it seems impossible to find a job for a white person over forty five kn South Africa unless one runs ones own business, like i am trying to do.

09/11/2019 15:15 CAT Saturday I have figured it out over the last three months and nine days that it's actually Jabu that makes me ill with all the stress i get from her. We had an argument on Saturday afternoon and as usual she packed her bags, the little terrorist she is. Eventually after much discussion between Mama, myself and Jabu she decided to stay and go home tomorrow to give Zack some money for school and to report to Winnie her mother, how horrible i am. She does a lot for her indota but does not speak English too well and misinterprets what i say. Not that i can spell too well. Can't be bothered with my spelling at my age. English is not my home language. She will go home instead tomorrow in the rain and come back Monday morning, she does not adhere to verbal contracts. Jabu is the one that has mistreated me after all i do for her and her son.

10/11/2019 01:15 CAT Sunday Usual stuff, typing the book. 03:56 Back of my neck is painful from concentrating. Need more drugs. I love prescription drugs except Risperdal. No rain yet at 04:39. Forecast was 100% rain today. The ladies spent most of the morning sleeping. We had roast chicken and pap, gravy at around 13:00. Jabu decided to stay Sunday and Zack will meet her to get some bucks from her for transport to school for the exams.

10/11/2019 20:00 CAT Sunday I have been offline since the electricity came back on at 20:00 last night after the electricity being off for three hours. I have no signal. There was a tiny thunderstorm. First the DSTV had no signal. Amazing i just finished watching a movie on Netflix and the power came back on at 20:00 then no signal. So now since 18th April we have no ADSL, landlines unless WIFI and the towers are down. it's 03:06 now. And no post office, yet we have to pay for the post even though the first box or street address should be free. When there was a post office we never paid for the box. Mageai 7.1 is running well, except when i open Chromium browser X freezes sometimes. Nothing like a quick reboot to get it going again. I have a good idea which web page is freezing Chromium.

11/11/2019 11:40 CAT Monday The tower is alive again. 12:05 the tower is dead. 16:12 the tower is alive. There is very little communication between Jabu and I as when she comes home back from work she concentrates on her smart phone doing her stokvel

12/11/2019 03:20 CAT Tuesday It's still raining. Today at 11:25 the shuttle is to pick us up to take Mama to the physio. At 05:30 i went outside to check for any rain damage. My above ground pool is still standing. My neighbour was feeding his parrot, He was quite pleasant to me when he moved in two years ago. Even helped me with my broken choke cable on my bike. He has a Harley and two Johnty's for his daughters as well as at least four cars. When i was married to Dorota we had three cars and at one stage after Tata passed away Mama and i had four cars. These days he wants nothing to do with me since he found out i am married to an African girl or as news spreads like wildfire in Pennington that i suffer from BPMD. I greeted him at 05:30 this morning and asked him if he would be interested in servicing my bike, he said no sorry, he does not have the stuff yet he does all the renovations to his house himself and has plenty of tools. The perks of being married to an African girl in Pennington. The previous owner of the house where such nice people and even used to invite us for BBQ. This dam parrot of his distracts from the natural morning bird life waking at 04:00. Mr R from Ilovo and works in Park Rynie still owes me an indicator from January (my last service, he broke the indicator with the bike in transit, Mr R II fitted a pair of second hand indicators for me for 340 rand.) did not get back to me for a service i booked today, he collects and delivers for 300 rand and does the service for 500 rand. I wish i was in JHB with my two reliable Merc mechanics. All went well at physio and Mama as usual had more pain after the physio. This fractured humerus is taking a hell of a long time to heal, been since the 23/07/2019 now.

13/11/2019 23:52 CAT Wednesday Woke again around 23:00 this time four a crap. Every four/five days i induce myself to shit. My hosting company redirected my web page to /dev/null today as i put a porno pic on my web page. My e-mail was working though. Shit i feel tired after only four hours of sleep. Dam constipation woke me and once i am awake i am awake. Tooth still hurts but G.J. Crookes only do filings and extractions and i don't feel like another extraction. Jabu arrived back here at 16:12 after visiting her son, Zack and her mother Winnie in eNkompo. My stomach is still rumbling from the epsom salts.

13/11/2019 01:15 CAT Wednesday I don't know what build i had on Windows 10 as like i said winver said 1909 yet when i updated now 1909 came down again. So the update went smoothly now i have the latest bug fix feature update with Chromium browser and Microsoft Edge Beta browser as the only extra apps i have installed. Like i said we shall see how long this lasts.

14/11/2019 02:00:21 CAT Thursday Lets hope the domestic (maid) arrives today, she tends not to come when it's raining or is busy with her sangoma shit. She is a sangoma. At first Mrs F would help me out with a lot of muthi but the bottle i have in the fridge is old and does not take away my toothache any more. Neither does the tobacco leaves enema work for my constipation anymore. She is an excellent worker but at first would not clean windows, she said it's the gardeners job. When i hired her i told her her duties are: pega, tenga and cleana. She is very thin but eats like a horse. Last night Mama was bathed by Jabu at candle light again, no electricity from 16:20 for four hours. How Pennington has changed since 2012. Malengeni has short power interuptions but Pennington seems to have longer ones. Imagine if Malangeni was without power for days there would be burning of trucks, shops and schools, the whites just keep quite. 02:22:50 i am going to try get some sleep.

15/11/2019 04:00:12 CAT Friday Mrs F did not arrive for work yesterday but she did phone Jabu at the last minute that she is not coming. I asked Jabu if she would do the pega and cleana today and she said yes, for a fee of course. It's just started to rain now again, what blessed rain. I had a good night sleep from 21:30 till 03:00. Like i said i am stable at night and stable/mild mania during the day due to tiredness. I need my morning and afternoon power naps. Dreams dreams, if only i had my Merc C180 and still had time share we could go on holiday. Up in Johannesburg i used to go on time share holidays at least twice or three times a year. Sometimes alone. Sometimes with Carina and Mama. Mabula was my favourite. And Dikhololo was also quite good where i once had a 300 square house to myself. Jabu and i went once to the Underberg in winter to a time share place in 2012. I remember i used to wake up at 02:00 and use my Centrino Duo on Mandriva Linux to surf the net and check for orders. I also went to the Underberg with Mama during spring, i love horse riding and have been riding horses since i was fourteen. it was a long fall down into the river if the horse missed his step. Jabu also rode a horse for the first time. Jabu's cleaning of the house went very well ansd we did not argue once but at 19:00 when she was about to bath Mama i asked her if she could massage Mama's a little bit extra as she was complaining of pain so Jabu went off at me that it's the physio's job and she is only supposed to bath Mama. At first Jabu would not speak to be but after an hour she calmed down and i made her a mug of tea. I went to bed at 21:00 and woke at

16/11/2019 01:40 CAT Saturday Today is supposed to be a partly cloudy day with no rain like the whole week so i will do the laundry. Which i did and at 14:55 Jabu went home for the weekend after cooking us delicious chicken livers and mash. I woke at 23:12 for a piss and went back to bed at

17/11/2019 00:00 Cat Sunday Went back to bed and of course my fucking ear started to itch. So i could not fall asleep, i applied some cream and the itch/rash went away. Time flies it's 01:39 now. Depending on the weather Jabu will return today or Monday morning.

17/11/2019 01:41 CAT Sunday I had not used Debian Buster in a while so i had ninety nine updates. No need to reboot but i like to reboot anyway and all seems fine with Debian Buster after the reboot. Well done Marek for resetting Microsoft Windows 10, remember i only installed two apps and am on build 1909 now. I think Windows 10 needs to be reset every three months. I said to myself what the fuck and installed Oracle Virtualbox. At 100% CPU for the first time in two years on Windows 10, i managed to install fully PCLinuxOS 2019.11, would not login sorry Texstar, Fedora 31 what a lot of bullshit after installing a whole of updates Fedora 31 rebooted and on screen was Windows 10 all over again, please wait do not reboot your computer installing updates, MxLinux 19 went well, openSUSE 15.1 went well, I had an old version of Parrot Linux but when i tried to update the 1819 updates where coming down too slow so i trashed it even though Parrot Linux first release was excellent on my Centrino Duo more than two years ago, It's the first time i managed to install Fedora Linux on this machine so i am very chuffed. And so i will leave Windows 10 as my Virtualbox partition. 18/11/2019 05:46 I have booted into Mageia 7.1 Linux now strange no updates. 19/11/2019 00:45 CAT Tuesday in installed Mageia 7 on Virtualbox, i found out my Mageia 7.1 iso was corrupt. Strange i deleted my folder where i had Mageai 7.1 and now it's back on my Mageia 7.1 partition.

18/11/2019 10:17 CAT Monday My sister contacts me at the last minute and wants to take Mama and myself to the Galleria for early lunch. Mama does not want to go she says she is too weak after physio. We end up having pizza at our place at 18:00. Great Debonair's pizza even though i prefer Romans from my Johannesburg days. Mama has not made a pizza in months. Maybe she should tell me how to make the base and i know how to do the topping. Mama receives a nice Xmas gift from my sister's husband in form of bath salts and such from London. Tomorrow they fly back to London. Pity Mama was not well enough to see her grandchildren. It's too long a drive for a eighteen month old baby to travel from Durban to Pennington, my sister reckons. I still did not get my second hand iPhone 6S.

19/11/2019 18:35 CAT Tuesday Another power failure. I don't know how long, i went to sleep at 19:10 whilst Jabu was bathing Mama by candle light. In the past these on and of in quick succession power failures have fucked up Mama's UPS and freezer. Even tough i have APC surge arrestors all over the place they did not help. I used to swear by APC, designed in USA and made in Singapore the UPS lasted five years. I must have gone through thirteen Chinese UPSes during my AMPPOL IT Linux CD's & DVD's business. I found Mecer where quite good as well. We also have a top loader which actually had a sticker on it "Made in USA". Zuma brought in this Chinese crap he should buy me a new bike. My Big Boy went fine the first four years then now after being six years old is falling apart and i a very anxious to ride it but it's going in for a service soon so all will be sorted out.

20/11/2019 02:12 CAT Wednesday This last month or so i have been bouncing between depression, stable and mild mania, Jabu is the main cause yet we need her to bath Mama, she always threatens she will leave, her mood swings are unreal, it's bad enough that i changed Mama's diapers in August and September, i am not going to wash her vagina. Mama asks me to do her hair and i don't have patience. I am now trying to get Mama to do as much as possible herself even though she is in great pain after the physio. thanks to G.J. Crookes and Umzimkulu psych hospital my net worth must be 150 000 rand minus now and climbing which i am paying off monthly whilst Mama is alive, 100% of my income comes from Mama and my sister. Have not sold a Linux DVD in years. Actually last time was end 2014 but i try. I think i will do the laundry Thursday the day Mrs F is coming to do the pega, tenga and cleana, she must weight 55 kg but eats like a horse like i have said before so she cooks porridge for herself and I in the mornings before Jabu came onto the scene. And only drinks Rooibos tea. 55 rand for eighty bags. Then it's lunch as well so i reckon i pay her enough. I already have a basket full of laundry to be ironed. And cheeky, she refused to wash the windows at first she said it was the gardeners job. but like i said before she is an excellent worker when she decides to come to work and is not doing her Sangoma shit, i think i am repeating myself here. Today might be a bit suspect weather wise to do the laundry. I normally chuck the washing into the washing machine between 02:00 and 04:00 if there is electricity for the following day hanging. Smart hey. Being a hermit i enjoy visitors especially when Mrs F comes to work as we chat whilst she is doing the ironing. I hate to live alone and my sisters plan left me eight months alone in this house after Jabu left me.04:35, Jabu just got a phone call from her brother Lala that Zack did not sleep at home last night. So Jabu and i are worried. Teenagers, i hope he is not in dire straights. Must be some explanation but Zack does not answer his phone. And he normally comes home after Generations TV show. I will try phone him again at 06:00, 07:00 and 08:00. I last chatted with Zack at 06:24 on Tuesday 19/11/2019. Jabu is going to go home this morning to see whats going on. Lala last saw him at 09:00 yesterday. But his granny last saw him last night. Why did he not sleep in his bed? I am very worried. 05:45 False alarm, Zack is at home, he came back late from Scottburgh with his friend, i just spoke with him telephonically so did Jabu. 09:50 just woke up from my power nap and feel fresh like a daisy.

21/11/2019 06:43 CAT Thursday I mention to Jabu that we should eat only one egg each till the end of the month. She will have none of it and ate bread and margarine and fried one egg for me, she cooked supper, pap and chicken hearts and gave all the hearts to me. She says she will eat meat at home which is not true as they only eat meat there twice a week and it's chicken. She can do what she wants. Like i said i am used to her mood swings and tantrums these last seven years. Mrs F pitched up at 07:15 instead of 07:45 and cleaned the house nicely whilst Jabu and i where finishing off breakfast.

22/11/2019 16:00 CAT Friday Zack arrived, there's my boy. We where both happy after seeing each other last on 13/07/2019. First we chatted and i set up the WIFI for his smart phone. I showed him my Windows 10 partition and how to use his account on Netflix but he said he will use it tonught. Jabu came back from half day at work at 17:00. We had fish fingers and chips for lunch and left a plate for when Zack arrives. I took my bike for a spin to the local shops at 07:35 then drove to Sezela for a spin, i was back by 08:10, the bike went well. I was awe sum driving at 80 clicks per hour down the R102, i wish i had my XJ 750, 210 down a hill with Dorota on the back on the way to Haarties. She could clock 90 in first gear that's the top speed of my TSR and 100's when she was in the mood those days, Dorota that is.

23/11/2019 02:29 CAT Saturday Retired at 07:08 and slept till 02:29, first coffee, my Turkish brew, a spoon of ground coffee and two brown sugars, let it brew for three minutes and add milk, lovely, only once a day though. Like i said weather permitting i need to put up the washing line with Zack today and he will wash my bike as usual for some pocket money. So far so good, Mama, Jabu and Zack are fast asleep. Mama is getting a bit depressed with sitting behind these four walls for almost four months now. At 06:00 i gave Jabu her tea and some for Zack this time as well. Mama canceled her physio till a later date, she says it's too painful and is worried if the medical aid will pay even after i inquired and they said they would. 06:22 i think i am going to call it a day now on the laptop. zack and i have bacon and eggs for breakfast and Mama has her usual yoghurt and kellogs, she did not want bacon neither did Jabu who slept till 11:45. Zack washed my bike for me and we put up the new washing line even though i was dog tired although i slept seven hours.

24/11/2019 01:26 CAT Sunday Now today i am going to be tired, i went to bed at 21:00 and woke at 01:26. Fuck i wish i could wake at 03:00 at least but my bladder does not allow it and once i am up i am up. I don't think i will have a K9 again after the last two of my sister's K9's which where dumped on us by air freight and turned out to be an abortion. My K9's which i mostly purchased as puppies turned out ok, i still miss my Dachshund who died in Pennington and used to ly on top of my German Shepherd back, back in Johannesburg. I have had a couple of German Shepherds in my lifetime. That's why the cats and ha dee das keep coming onto our property because there are no K9's here. The monkeys are very scarce these last two years, only every day they run across our roof, they used to feed on a tree with red flowers, just suck the nectar out. 15:35 how incorrect i was, the cheeky devils ripped open a trash bag full of empty coke bottles i had kept for emergency water. 07:30, Zack gets up for breakfast and to clean out one quarter my office, looked like a real private business IT room. He will get some more pocket money and an excellent job packing one quarter of my office. I found out my speakers that i had purchased in 2006 with a large woofer has one port blown. At 15:00 we watched the football (soccer) as we did on Saturday. I don't cuss in front of Zack, Jabu nor Mama like i do in this book, ok maybe a kurwa now and again but not in front of Zack, he has a calming effect on me and my stress levels have been reduced drastically since Friday. At 07:57 my brain just shutdown and i slept till 09:21 on the coach, Zack made me Kellogg's but i told him to leave them on the table if i am sleeping which he did. It took Zack four hours to clean out my office. Just thinking about Pennington, our landline number used to end the number 13 and so do some of the utility bills. So the weekend comes to an end and i retire early as usual.

25/11/2019 **.** CAT Monday It's now 03:42, forgot what time i woke up but i had a dump, these laxatives seem to be working. It's hot in my office right now, soon i will have to start using my half dead rusted fan. Same old story every month, pay the bills as everyone does, well almost everyone except for the homeless where i will be if Mama passes soon. Tata's estate took two years to clear, so from Mama's passing to the house been auctioned i might have a year or two if she goes first, could be I who kicks the bucket first, that would really devesate Mama, but my sister will sort her out. Unlike me she wants fuck all to do with me most of the time. Today at 17:00 i have an appointment and have to go for a short trip with my bike and seeing it's payday, might as well withdraw some cash for the maid and garden services, my sister said i should do the garden my self but it will cost the same to remove all the leaves and i sold my weed eater and blower. I think i mentioned that my sister was here on the 18/11/2019 and i did not get my second hand iPhone 6s as promised, my sister is really second hand sometimes. I said howzit to her twice and she did not respond but just looked at the roof from the street eager to make some negative comment, meanwhile her flat in London is a mess according to Mama.

26/11/2019 02:29 Usual stuff, type the book. Zack wakes at 07:30 and after breakfast watches some movies on Netflix. Jabu leaves for work at 07:15. My two and one half year old Cubot Manito is overheating. It has stopped halting by itself. A battery test shows the battery is fine, there is something amiss with the charging circuit or the hacking circuit. Today Zack leaves for home. It was very therapudic to have him here. We chill today, Zack and I, he is happy with his pocket money. He left for eNkompo at 14:30, i am waiting for a text from him that he arrives safely. Zack arrived at home at 15:45. 4.5 clicks and it takes such a long time by taxi.

27/11/2019 **.** CAT Wednesday 02:24 The text below is from Rebecca my brothers Indian wife after my brother Robert called me an idiot on Whatsapp the other month and in 2017 said "fuck you" to me on gmail, Robert did mention on numerous occasion that he will help me finacially and he did. During Mama's trip to London, Rebecca treated Mama very badly and she never returned to London instead flew up and down between Paris and Warsaw, returning exhausted and fracturing her humerus, the "disgusting pictures of myself" which Rebecca refers to are of Zack and i sitting on the couch with me with my boxers on after a swim. You cant, even see the boxers in the pic, if Rebecca from London (formely from Durban) makes any move i will lay a counter charge of crimen injuria against her and my brother, and for mistreating Mama in London, even Robert crapped on her for treating Mama that way in June 2019, strange she says i should get a job at my age who will hire me if i am full of prescription drugs and have a bad credit rating, I don't have a sister but a brother sort of and wanted him to remain anonymous but Rebecca stuffed it up, i will not show this text to Mama she was devestated enough in London by Rebecca, Robert visited us on the 18/11/2019 in a hired SUV and is doing very well in his job whilst Rebecca is studying and at the last minute Robert invited Mama and I to the Galleria but Mama was too ill and depressed to go so we had pizza like i said, most likely Rebecca just wanted to shit on Mama and myself at the Galleria, Rebecca is very bossy and full of shit, she once told me at the Galleria that at her wedding i must not smoke anywhere near her children, as if i would do that, Robert makes pledges and does not keep them, he said "i will pay you rands in the future" just four months ago, at the same dinner i asked Robert for bucks for transport as i thought i would have to pay for it and Rebecca went off at me how hard Robert works. She even went off at a waitress at the first dinner we where supposed to eat at. Mrs M also said she is, very cheeky and bossy at thirty five years old, no respect for her elders, Mama even loved the Indian kids so much she gave Rayden, Rebecca's son from another marriage, my thirty year old chess set by mistake which Zack and i used to play chess on. Robert and Rebecca have withheld Whatsapp video calls so Mama can see her grandchild Noah who is 18 months old now, Mama has now lost Kasia, Pawel, Caitlin, Noah and Rayden, what vicious people. To top it all my brother and i had a written agreement that he would give me a second hand iPhone 6s which Rebecca negated on. At one stage in 2017 Rebecca was willing to buy Jabu and myself a house in Umzinto, would not have to happen if my brother listened to me in the first place in December 2015 and did not send Mama to Summerhill Lodge and put this house on sale which caused me great anxiety for two years, Mama eventually was evicted from Summerhill lodge last year August 2018 and lucky she had a home to return to. I had to sell my 1903 $10 American Eagle Gold coin to cover care giver costs for four months which i had received from my grand farther, the coin that is when i was born. Rebecca's mother Mrs Reddy lives on a 1800 Rand government pension, i wonder how she affords to make ends meet on a 600 square property with three bedrooms in a dodgy neighbourhood, with rates, electricity etc to pay, surley Rebecca and her two brothers help Mrs Reddy but I am not good enough. It's a fuck the poor attitude, It is not my fault Robert is "ridden in debt" from his ex wife Lisa and Caitlin daughter affair, he should have let his children go like i did mine twenty one years ago. Britania does not rule the waves anymore, Our Lord Farther, rules the waves, Rebecca has been too long in London, they need to rather sort out there Brexit deal, she is no longer a South African, enjoy your Xmas holidays in New Zealand with my cousin, Anya, even though i must say i enjoyed Steven Fry's three hour documentary on BPMD and the British TV show Doc Martin, Most British comedies are good so i have nothing against the Brits. I have been to London a couple of times and could not live in Europe because of the weather, I get cold enough as it is here in Pennington in the winter:


Please Do not sent me disgusting pictures of yourself or communicate with me. I have no interest to have any association with you or your family. Neither do you or your mother have any association to my children .

It's good you got a wife . It's best you find a way to support her on your own and not grovel for money on a weekly basis. Baby is not married to Robert and there is no need for you to bill him to pay for your expenses.

You do not have a need to live on more than you currently have, which in fact belongs to your mother. Have some pride and stop being a scavenger. I work and support my family so no reason why you and your wife cannot do the same.

Furthermore your brother is ridden in debt from his past life, does not own a home and cannot support his son without me supporting him.

But I will not support you. A lazy grown man who sits around doing nothing.

Do not call here for money . Ask your wife and her family to support you.

And tell your mother that she again has ruined her sons marriage. Which is why she was not allowed back to my house nor invited to my family.

You are a disgrace and shameful for eating your mothers pension and demanding money from your brother. Without making an attempt to provide for yourself.

Furthermore I'm aware of You and your mothers racists comments and abusive towards me and my family. And therefore warn you not to communicate with me or my family for money.

Failure to do so will result in me notifying the police of harassment and racial abuse. (I have the evidence to support this)

So tell your mother to be happy she ruined another family and another marriage of her son.

Hope you all happy

Do not communicate with me again

From Robert's wife.

Zack pops in for a few seconds to drop off a dress as i was having my power nap at 12:35 after this news from Rebecca. What does she want me to relapse, i only type events as they happen to me in this book. Jabu is leaving just now for Inanda to see her sick sisi at the King Edward hospital again. 14:47 27/11/2019, Jabu gives me a hug as she leaves, the first hug since August 2019. 17:30 i fall asleep exhausted on the couch and wake at exactly 19:00, Mama's bath time. I wash Mama's hair and bath Mama but she is a difficult customer, we do this with her standing up in the bath. 20:00, time to watch generations. I don't enjoy Uzalo too much from days we had a small TV and i could not read the subtitles. I am wide awake now and can normally not fall asleep when i have had an anxious day like the time Thokozane Manye the whipper snapper moved out without giving notice on her one year lease. It's difficult to find a good tenant but i have had a few good tenants. Can't have a tenant now with Mama being ill and all. Jabu returns tomorrow afternoon, she says she had a lot of washing to do at her sisters house who has a young girl. Jabu would travel for hours to visit me at Umzimkhulu. Need to solve this update mystery on Mageai 7.1 like i had on Windows 10. Can't use an unpatched distro. Right it's 20:34 time to tuck Mama into bed and go online but Mama says she only really falls asleep at 22:00, did not know that.

28/11/2019 00:00 CAT Thursday Just woke up from a power nap on the couch. I have booked Mama in for an appointment with her Doctor today at 08:00, she is not well. She has a loss of appetite and does not sit with me during the day anymore since physio and watch TV. She is feeling depressed. And her arm hurts much more since physio but i think it's supposed to. We will see what Doc V and the nursing sister say. Mama is fit as a fiddle, her meds where not changed. Mrs F is her to clean the house, she pitched up at 08:01, well it's he new South Africa she is the madam, she is supposed to start work at 07:00 in the summer. She went to sleep at 02:00 she says. We will see bonus time. Jabu did not come home, she got stuck in Durban. Last i heard she would be back at eNkompo at 18:00. I did not bath Mama today instead went to bed at 18:32 and woke up at:

29/11/2019 03:32 CAT Friday Usual brew and waiting for 05:30 to hear from Jabu, she is grafting all weekend. Lucky Mrs F pitched up for work. I feel much better after payday on the 25th. So i can eat Mama's pension away. Ha ha, Rebecca. I shop in bulk for the whole month to miniumize transport costs to Scottburgh. it's 04:08 now i think i will take a break and eat some more of Mama's money and buy myself a smartphone on black Friday special as well as a new pool but it will have to be at 09:00 when Mama wakes up so i can ask her permission as my smart phone is fucked, have to reboot every time i want to take a photo. And the new batteries are not obtainable from four sources, it overheats as well, oh well it served me two and one half years, my Cubot Manito, i will miss it, it also halts for no reason. Actually i am talking shit i run the books quite koscher. It's just that Mama's fractured humerus has cost a lot of bucks these last four months, poor old lady, now she is depressed. I don't have time to watch Netflix now since Telkom took away ADSL in Pennington on the 18/04/2019. And rarely watch Netflix on my laptop these days. 04:46 Mama is awake and has agreed that i purchase a new smart phone for us all to use. I use it as a hotspot for all the devices, but i have decided not to buy a smartphone till mine fucks out completely even if i have to pay 600 rand more, Fuck black Friday. At 21:15 i cannot fall asleep and go to the family room. Jabu leaves just as i get there and goes to have a bath, she is working this weekend. It's weird being separated for almost two years and living under the same roof for four months now. 17th December 2017 we separated. I wake up at 23:58 on the couch,the time is now:

30/11/2019 00:40 CAT Saturday How the week has flown by and a new week starts for me tomorrow, Sunday. Mama was feeling much better yesterday and was up and about and not just lying in bed all day. She still does not want to walk around the house with me. Yet at 11:30 she grabbed a broom and starting sweeping the steps. Soon she will be doing a lot of cleaning and changing the house furniture around. I retire at 19:00 and wake at

01/12/2019 01:05 CAT Sunday After my usual brew, i go to my office and hear a strange scrathing sound from one of the boxes. I thought it was a snake but turned out to be a cockroach. I woke Jabu but she was not intrested and went back to sleep. The snakes can easily get into the house from the open windows. We have our usual roast chicken and pap after Jabu comes back from work. I roast the chicken and Jabu does the pap and gravy bit. Mama eats her whole plate for a change, i need to cut up her meat for her and roast poatoes if we are eating them. She has been suffering from a loss of appetite. I asked Jabu the other day if she will be able to work every day at her day job and still come here to bath Mama and cook for us three and she said yes. oh and i had my six daily dump today after taking the liquid parrafin and epsom salts, looks like the sewrage is not blocked, thank God. I retired at 18:30 and woke at:

02/12/2019 02:05 CAT Monday All is quite in Pennington, time to fire up you tube and listen to a bit of Celine Dion, Courage. 06:15 i will hang up the laundry as they say it will pour tomorrow.

01/12/2019 02:46 CAT Sunday At last the Mageai 7.1 has sixty one updates come down with glibc and a new kernel, 5.3.13, i do not have any tainted repo's, i like it just like this. Enough to type my book. I wonder what Windows 10 is up to, maybe i will boot in on Wednesday morning, What a pleasure Windows 10 is now that i have only installed three of my own apps on it. The biggest thing i miss on Windows 10 is the weather report. Mandriva used to have YAWP which is gone now, it was fantastic. I see since i installed Mageia 7.1 on 20/11/2019 curl and ldd have been compromised and Checking for suspicious (large) shared memory segments. Slowly slowly i will get the fuckers they need to dig a deeper grave for themselves.

20/11/2019 04:45 I am having trouble with Chromium browser on Mageia 7.1. When i open Chromium it slows down or freezes X. Just a few moments before a whole lot of updates finally came through and by opening Chromium it frooze the update process. Now the updates will not come through at all. Nice to be hacked because i am writing this book. It takes only one button to push at the control center to cut the power to Pennington. The power was off last night at 18:35 till Uzalo was midway through, Jabu says. They don't kill the power in Malangeni. And to repeatedly switch the power on and off to fuck up the appliances and TV's etc I think someone is playing the fool with these power cuts to Pennington. There is a new kernel for Mageai 7.1 and i am going to try change my update source, looks like is not working too well. Yes my Mageia 7.1 has been hacked like Mageia 6 was hacked. Pity i will have to install all over again, takes me an hour and two hours to bring back my backups. So i am back with a fresh install of Mageia 7.1 just like Windows 10 would not update, Mageai would not update. Better this way as i had Mageia installed over a Debian /home directory. 20/11/2019 01:55 almost finished to configure but i think i will go to sleep now. Now 21/11/2019 05:09 i have a pure Mageia 7.1 installation and we shall see how it goes with a separate /home as usual. Maybe i should have the title of this book "how to offend everybody" the way i get hacked. Gives me a lot to do resetting Windows 10 and reinstalling Mageai 7.1, keeps me nice and busy. I remember i was having trouble with Mageai 5 before i went nuts so i am not going to fall into the same trap, take it nice and easy. 22/11/2019 Windows 10 is good. I managed to get Thunderbird back on Mageai 7.1 from backup. All my sent and received mails. 26/11/2019 15:23 CAT still no updates from Mageia 7.1. Looks like someone does not want me to use the distro i am most familiar with, Like Mageia 5 and 6. 27/11/2019 14:31 CAT updates still not working on Mageia 7.1 even i though i have a good source. Sticky notes where placed over my wallpapers ingquza. I know who it is and have backed up my whole /. I am waiting patiently for my updates. The mirrors don't show any. Still no updates since the 12/11/2019, It's 29/11/2019 05:09 now. My MX 1100 is starting to act up again, i was so content it worked well for so many months..

04/12/2019 04:56 CAT I have been sleeping well lately. And did the monthly shopping yesterday with Mrs and Miss M. I believe in purchasing in bulk for the whole month. We had a bit of rain last night and the weather forecast for today is 21 celcius, way too cold for me. I would hate to be in Umzimkhulu in the winter where the temperature drops to 5 minus and only two thin blankets are allowed with no heaters. In the summer i had two blankets and one was taken away from me by the nursing staff. I will never go on on holiday to the Berg in the winter again it's just too cold at night even with the heaters on, the overseas visitors are used to this weather, to drive by and see the snow is fine as Mama and i did in 2011. We have a lovely country and in my younger years as far back as October 2012 we had a real good time till i lost my Merc. What an idiot i was to buy a bike which lasted for four years. Jabu is working every day now thank God due to the school holidays. She is pissed off with me that i did not borrow her 500 rand to pay Zack's school fees. Maybe Musa Zack's farther should get contribute from his farther if Musa is unemployed and pay the fees. They have DSTV Premium and hot running water from a shower. Anyway there is nothing between Jabu and I. Like she said she is just bathing Mama for Mama and cooks because she has to eat as well. At 11:30 i phoned Zack to congratulate him that he passed grade eleven wit 80%. His granny Winnie shouted at him and the call was cut short after two minutes fivety four seconds. Jabu has blocked me on Whatsapp because i did not borrow her 500 rand to pay Zack's school fees. The tension in the house is too much for Mama who is depressed, after four months of putting up with Jabu's tantrums, i have had enough. Our contract is till the 13th December, i hope it comes soon and she can go back living with her mother, Winnie. Jabu is really upsetting Mama with her constant cheek and abuse of me.

05/12/2019 01:37 CAT Today is seven years since "I rolled" my Merc on a straight road in light drizzle, ABS, airbags you name it. The ambulance took me home and Jabu cared for me for two weeks till my shoulder came right from the seat belt impact, what a fuck up, from there my life went slowly downhill without five wheels.

Can't complain too much and what i am thankful for, since March 2012 i have partly compliments of Mama in Pennington:

  • Roof over my head
  • Three meals a day, with plenty of tea and coffee, when i smoke i drink
  • Hand rolled tobacco, i smoke fifteen in twenty four hours, when my stress levels go up i smoke twenty five
  • Laptops, 90% i purchased with my own funds
  • Smartphones, 90% i purchased with my own funds
  • DSTV Access and DSTV Compaq at times when there was a tenant
  • Netflix
  • Motorbike, Mama bought the bike for me in January 2013
  • A Celeron which i chose by mistake due to lack of funds for an i3
  • Almost free meds from G.J. Crookes, with snotty service from the Pennington clinic on occasions, (only 5% of the time), once i went to see the sister and she said "what do you want", she was busy counting money, Friday the 8th November 2019 i was told by a snotty young sister (not the usual sister), "I am busy, wait outside"
In return i do:

  • Laundry
  • Wash dishes
  • Cook at times
  • Do the billing, pre end 2013 was good at spending bucks now i am penny wise
  • Attempt handy man jobs which mostly turn to shit since end 2013, except the sewrage, takes me an hour to connect a pull switch, with many attempts, Kwela Electrical left the wires too short
  • Security officer, i will take out any mother fucker that comes near Mama
  • Caregiver and CFO for BP Mama since 12th March 2006 when Tata passed away
  • We chat and keep each other company, she is so glad she left SummerHill Lodge Scottburgh, full of snobs and bitches. Especially Sister Betty, who made sure Mama was evicted because of her BPMD
  • I work during the wee hours of the morning, Mama when she is well watches BBC till 23:00
As of last few weeks, 13/10/2019

Today Sunday 03/11/2019 stable/mild mania - like i said i am at my best and most productive at stable/mild mania. The ingquza is so close i can smell it but nothing doing, makes me fucking jags but improves my bhepa skills, i can give myself a pat on the back this year with my frequent orgasms this year 2019 which stopped in October 2017. There was a bad omen the other day, an ambulance drove past with it's lights flashing at night, usually means i am going on holiday.

  • Depression *
  • 13/10/2019
  • Stable *
  • 06/11/2019
  • Mild mania *
  • 23/10/2019
  • Mild/Moderate mania
  • call psychc clinic and i did so August 2018
  • Moderate mania
  • Moderate/Severe mania
  • call ambulance
  • Severe mania
  • Psychotic

Come to think of it i suffer from mild mania every morning between 08:00 and 11:00 till i have had my power nap in between. Since 2003 i have retired at 19:00/20:00 and woken at 01:00/03:00 for graft.

07/07/2019 01:08 CAT I was just thinking, how wonderful these meds are:

  • Chronic constipation, i only dump every five or seven days with the help of my own special muthi recommended by Doctor L from Scottburgh in 2013 when i had a medical plan, the isiZulu muthi enema stopped working long ago. If the dump does not want to come out i find if i massage my bum hole with my fingers through toilet paper it comes quickly, the size of two large banana's but blocks the sewrage, and then two months ago i discovered liquid paraffin. Now i take four table spoons on the first night and during the next day two teaspoons of epsom salts and bobs your uncle. The sewerage system does not get blocked anymore and i don't have to have my hands full of shit with the drain pipes unblocking the shit. Thanks doc L and doc K, even though doc K had me locked up once at G.J. Crookes when i was suffering from severe mania via electronic pulse frequncies she is the only one at the pshyc dept at G.J. Crookes who has a bit of savy since Doc e left. Even tough there was one African shrink whilst i was locked up in G2 who was quite pleasant but would never speak to me directly but to Doc Mlawuli as if i was not there.
  • Itchy rash on ears and painful rash on back of neck that no Doctor can solve, may be skin cancer
  • Excruciating cramps in one of my ankles, it alternates, one or two hours after i take Risperdal, i have now stopped taking my morning dose of Risperdal (11/10/2019, a month ago) and only get a cramp after 17:00 rarely instead of the whole morning and night. 11/10/2019, strange enough G.J. Crookes pharmacy is out of stock of my morning dose of Risperdal the last two months, does not matter i have plenty in stock. I have however increased my night intake of Risperdal and will see how the cramps go. 15/11/2019 a week ago. Tailor made that's how they used to do it at THMC, Tara. Not force one to take shit.
  • Outbreak of painful boils every few weeks, now the last year on my head and face as well so i can't put my helmet on at times, i can swallow anti biotics by the bucket full and they still come back
  • And of course the piece de resistance, erectile dysfunction even though i can now cum once a month even though i can bhepa through seven Hail Mary's and two Our Farther's three or five times a day. Especially between 05:00 and 10:00. If i had someone to shaft i am sure i could do it with the help of my special muthi herbs, my BP meds where changed as well eight months ago so that helps a lot, some poes Doctors prescribed me BP pills which cause impotence. On occasions i find it best to bhepa in front of my laptop with my pj's pulled down to the base of my penis like a cock ring. A while back Mama purchased a back scratcher 250mm in length and 180mm use able. On one end it has a large fork like end to scratch ones back and on the other end it has a goon (marble) size ending. This gives me great pleasure and helps me to cum at times. Like i said, it's all about counter measures, God takes away my erection, i make my own plan. I am not homosexual nor bi-sexual, i am ingquza/toy sexual. And yes i do watch disgusting, filthy female porn on the web mostly ebony and my Mageia 7.1 has a nice wallpaper of an naked ebony chic with a dildo up her bum and a awe sum ingquza. Come to think of it so does my Windows 10 partition, a slideshow of ebony porn. I found in the past whilst making love to Jabu if i pray for my erection to stay, my dick goes limp, what a fucked up God is this? I still pray everyday just for the fuck of it and even have the Bible on my smart phone
  • However i am mostly immune to colds and flu due to these meds i take and the fact that i smoke, last time i had the flu was at Umzimkulu psyhc hospital in December 2014 sent to Umzimkulu by Doc Ndlovu a young girl GP who new sweet fuck all then, as Jesus said forgive those who trespass against you and then send them to hell. Umzimkulu psyhc hospital has scared me mentally for life

Strange i had none of the above shit till i started to take all these meds but my Doctor says i am stable on these meds so what must i do. At least i have the right Doctor looking after me now.

Pawel my son

Pawel my son, long time since i heard from him, he once e-mailed me from Sundowner, Randburg when he was sixteen and we chatted but Dorata Maskowicz my ex would have none of it. This was at the height of my AMPPOL IT Linux CD's & DVD's business. The story is Dorota divorced me in December 1996 whilst i was on holiday with my folks in George. We had a verbal agreement that i would pay her two thousand rand maintenance a month in those days for Kasia and Pawel and i gave her the house and most of the furniture. Her reason for the divorce was mainly too much rugby with my mates who are now mostly in Australia and that i could loose my contract anytime. Which i did after a while. So i purchased a flat in Northcliff close to the folks house. One day once at the folks house it was getting dark and Dorota phoned me to bring the kids back. I said i am coming. On arrival at her house all hell broke loose and she said i will not see the kids again. So she obtained and interdict against me. I thought fuck it, woman always win in court and now i have not seen my kids for twenty one years. Lets hope i do not loose Zack as well, long time since he has visited but he said he will come visit this weekend (22/11/2019). I actually prefer that he visits when Jabu is not here, oh well At least he will get to watch Netflix now that the school exams are over and help me with some chores, i need to put a new washing line up. I am quite excited that Zack is coming as i have not seen him in four months. If Mama had not fractured her humerus Jabu would not be living here since 31/07/2019. Jabu goes home certain days of the week to see her family yet manages to give Mama a bath and cook every day almost. A caregiver costs big bucks. Jabu is costing me one hundred rand a day, thirty five rand for the bath and sixty five rand for food, water and electricity etc. but she is not only doing it for the money, it's quite convieniant for her to go to work from Pennington to Pennington than from eNkompo to Pennington. Here she baths twice a day and does not have to bath in a basin like she baths at here mothers place. No running water at her mothers place either. Her sister Thuli and brother Lala where ill recently and i bought them some fruit.

Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." To the contrary, "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Lisa Mcnally

Doctor Lisa Mcnally has used part of my book without my permission in a court case in London, UK

Amazing what a Centrino Duo and a Celeron can do, the keyboard is mightier than the injection.

To read the next 93 000 words of my book please email me at with "Book-Linux" in the subject line, T&C's apply.

Some names have been changed by request

Contact: info at pawinski dot co dot za

AntiX, Crunchbang, G.J. Crookes Hospital, Umzimkulu Psyhc Hospital, THMC, Cialis, Debian, Fedora, FreeBSD, HP, Google, Linux, Linux Mint, Mageia, openSUSE, Microsoft Windows, MTN, Netcare,, RCI, Rizla, Red Hat, Sparky, Ubuntu, Viagra, Zippo and any others i might have missed are registered trademarks of the respected owners

This book is a draft copy Rev 3


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