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Zack beach

Mhlengi (Zack) my stepson

Rated 18+ Sex Violence Language

Electronically and chemically hacking the human mind

A South African has an assegai in their right hand and a bible in their left hand, when the battle is over they start to rebuild

Crimes against humanity.


This website is mainly for medical and IT professionals.

This short (second part on request) book with pictures, mainly for Doctors, nurses and med students so they can learn by their mistakes, fuck it lets offend everybody, is dedicated to Tata who helped me so much in his living years, 1931 to 2006 and to dear Mama who still helps me out at present. Each part will have additional paragraphs in rolling released versions. A donation of any amount would be great if you enjoy the progress of my draft copy of my autobiography or would like to purchase a Linux operating system on DVD.


Quick jump to: Part 18, Crimes against humanity in South African Psychiatric Hospitals

Crimes against humanity, as defined by the Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court Explanatory Memorandum, "are particularly odious offences in that they constitute a serious attack on human dignity or grave humiliation or a degradation of human beings.

Quick jump to: Part 19, G.J. Crookes Hospital

Quick jump to: Part 20, THMC

About the author: Marek Pawinski (bipolar) born in Warsaw, Poland and immigrated to South Africa in 1968, started to operate computers in 1990, (remember Leisure Suite Larry) i started off my vocation in the electrical field and during that time became more interested in computers when i learned how to use CAD. I changed my vocation to the information technology field and studied for my MCSE (Microsoft Certified Sysytems Engineer), i gave my final exams a miss (wrote and passed only the four cores) when i discovered the Linux operating system and Red Hat 6.1 was my first boxed set. So in those days i obtained my MCP (Microsoft Certified Professional), NT 4 but continued to self study fifteen Microsoft Windows NT/2000 related books in all and thirteen CISSP related books till present. The good about books i purchased is that there are a lot of practical examples to play around with on my LAN.

I then opened another business (other than my electrical business) promoting and selling open source Linux operating systems. I became quite interested in the Information Technology Security field and being quite a book worm in those days i read and used examples of the Information Technology Security books. To this day i still read Information Technology Security books even though most of the information can be found browsing the internet. Unfortunately in this day and age i have to deploy an active protection system to prevent line-of-sight and broad spectrum frequencies from acquiring and/or destroying my mum, Jabu and i.

I am blessed with bipolar disorder via electronic pulse frequencies
and as Steve Fry (from the (BBC), whom also suffers from bipolar disorder, i am in a stable condition, presently (It fluctuates). Yet when i get treated like shit i type like shit.


Part eighteen

Lets have a look at medical and pharmaceutical torture. I wonder if the pharmaceutical companies employing the pharmacist's who design the prescription drugs actually try out the prescription drugs out on themselves first other than trying the prescription drugs in test??? cases with 1000 or more (for example) human beings being the guinea pigs to obtain a baseline. Like BP medication which can and does cause ED in some cases.....


Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital - Crimes against humanity

The beginning of November 2014 i suffered a nervous breakdown and was admitted to the G.J. Crookes Hospital in Scottburgh, Kwa Zulu Natal, South Africa, after less than two weeks a girl general practitioner, Dr Ndlovo decided to transfer me to the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital nestled in the foothills of the Underberg still in Kwa Zulu Natal but in the middle of nowhere. Most of the patients there where admitted for drug induced paranoia or criminal acts.
For example it took my wife, Jabu and i to return home on the 14/01/2015 seven hours by four taxis and we missed the last taxi as it was late and we had to walk for one and one half hour up a hill to get home, we arrived after sunset. The non scenic route takes one and one half hours by a low level flying sixteen seater Quantum ambulance transporter.

These are factual events as of 13th January 2015 which occured at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital and G.J. Crookes Hospital, three months prior to the 13th January 2015. I am working on the typos and grammatical errors.


To top it all i have to go back to the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital for more evaluation by a general practitioner as there currently is no psychiatrist at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital and ones fate is decided by a general practionioner. Did you see the movie Rwanda, well what is to follow is very similar. I was the only Caucasian patient in the two wings of the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital amongst forty five Africans. What a nightmare, i was assaulted by an psychotic patient who tried to steal my breakfast, six slices of bread with a bit of butter and tea. i limped for two weeks after this incident with terrible pain in my left buttock. Patients who assault other patients are hit with batons by the security guards and then given Clopixol Acuphase injections to knock them for a few days. The patients fight and hit each other for tobacco especially when the tobbacco runs out and i m the only one who has tobacco. It is impossible to enjoy a hand rolled cigarette by oneself as i was surrounded by twenty psychotic or semi psychotic patients each and every time demanding two pulls of my fag and the patients act as if its there right to my tobacco. Never mind food or gifts received from visitors, one has to eat what one receives at the nursing sisters station or all the food will be taken over by the patients.
What a relief to find out that prison is worse than the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital from two of the patients who actually where in prison, i am being a bit salcastic in this sentence.

On one occasion a patient was bugging me with questions and i told him to speak to the nurse. The nurse told me to "fuck off" and when i went to the sister in charge to report this the security guard followed me and tried to prevent me from speaking to the sister in charge, the security guard from LK Solutions Security then said to me that i am "rubbish" and he will call the other security guards to beat me with battons.

Flooded bathroom floors

Bathing time is African style like the majority of Africans in South Africa bath in a large plastic dish with about ten litres of water or less. I was quite used to this as this is how i bathed at my wives, Jabu house. Above is a pic of how the basins looked like.

I feel sorry for the patients as most of them receive no visitors and i have never heard of or seen before this episode that nurses walk around with polycop plumbing pipe about four hundred milimeters long and fifteen milimeters thick and assualt the patients. Is this Psychiatry?

On the other hand the sisters in charge and some staff sisters where quite good to me and where very helpfull, but they have to follow the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital rules.

Medication is handed out at 09:30 after breakfast and the patients share the same water cups to down the medication, thank God I do not have turberculousis or some other horrible disease from sharing cups with 45 patients.


The patients spend the whole day in a closed courtyard, fifteen by twenty meters and urinate in one corner of the courtyard as the patients are not allowed to go inside the wards to urinate during the day. The stench of urine is unbearable in that corner of the courtyard unless it rains and the urine washes away into the drain. On one night the urinal was blocked inside the ward and the urinal overflowed with urine for three days. More stench and those patients without shoes walked in the urine. The toilets do not work and faeces build up till someone flushes the toilet with a bucket, most nauseating.

Water is sometimes not available during the night when the water bucket and one cup is not left on the other side of the locked grill gate, never mind the fire hazard. If there was a fire there is no chance in hell that all five wards could be open to let out the patients. The wards, ten patients per ward are locked at night as some windows where broken with axxess to the courtyard from the passage.

At this stage I think I would be ashamed if I was any part of the medical profession, especially the Doctors whom are aware of all this and general practitioners who treat psych patients as there is currently no psychiatrist in the Hospital.

I have sixteen years experience as an electrician in the construction field and seventeen years experience in Information Technology mainly using the Linux operating system as well as Microsoft Windows, yet at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital i must take orders from cleaners and nurses under twenty five years of age, one of the duties of the nurses is to write reports about the patients. If the nurses don't like a patient they write negative reports about a patient. I found that most of the male staff nurses had more of a heart than the females, some female nurses and sisters are real bitches. On my last day when as i typed before attacked and surrounded by thirty or so patients for a fag, the one male staff nurse looked on in despair but he could do nothing. I was so happy and excited to go home on LOA (leave of absence) so one of the nurses asked me if i was having a relapse (from my excitement) can you believe it. The nurses play little mind games and notarize everything a patient does in the courtyard during the day which is mostly sleep. Like i typed before 45 or so nut cases and four sexy nurses just does not go, the males all want the attention of the nurses. Some of the nurses are very very shaftable but i think most of them are into bondage. We where all to go for a haircut and at first i refused. I did not want a kaal kop (no hair African style), so i eventually said i would like my beard trimmed but the nursing sister said i could not go anymore. She had the hots for me but was playing hard to get. One has to have a beard as there are no razors available and the patients my slit each others throats with the razors.


I was unable to pay my bills as i was in the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital and G.J. Crookes Hospital, joy to the world, i now have "hundreds" of debt collector companies after me and my credit rating has dropped to zero. Of course no shrink, G.P., sister, nurse nor social worker will help me out with my debt but someone was very eagar to put me away to Umzimkulu psych hospital because of their grave faux pas. The social worker at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital has ninety patients in the queue and i was lucky to see the general practionioner on the 13/01/2015 as he was still busy attending to patients from November 2014. This frightens me as i may wait for weeks to see the general practionioner on my return.

Stephen Fry (a BBC presenter) based in London AFAIK has experienced mental health problems for much of his life. I am sure he did not receive the treatment i received in Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital, not for the life of my can i still phathom that Psychiatric patients are treated with assualt and abuse as part of there treatment to become well again even thought most of the patients are in the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital are there for drug induced psychosis where they stabbed or assualted someone.

The Zulu language is spoken most of the time and i don't have a clue what is going on especially at the twice daily forced prayer sessions but i have to join in anyway. Jabu my wife is a Zulu girl yet i only understand a bit of Zulu, like "faga lo makulu mthondo kona la ingquza". Jabu is quite religious so i don't have anything against religion if i at least i could understand the singing and chanting.

I think it's disgusting that South Africa receives billions of ZAR in medical grants from overseas for this kind of treatment and never mind the theft. I had a terrible summer flu for two weeks and only realized later that the roll on deodrant shared by forty five patients was for woman. The roll on ordered for the patients at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital is stolen by someone working in the Hospital for there own use and most of the nursing staff are woman, can't figure out the theft bit as the nursing staff have three to eight thousand ZAR smart phones and drive new 150 000 ZAR plus motor vechicles.

I was treated slightly better than the rest of the patients because i am Caucasian, and like i typed before the only Caucasian within miles of the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital. I hope someone takes notice of this part of my book so my African friends (patients) can receive better treatment instead of being assaulted with battons, high heels and plumbing pipe.


I don't know anymore what is the official language of South Africa but the medication i took home on my leave of absence, the instructions where in Zulu.

I actually fear for my life at Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital, the ward where i am now is called Male Block Two. And one of the patients in this ward is some kind of martial arts expert. On my arrival he had to show off his moves whist we where waiting to be counted. (Counting of patients involves the patients sitting for one hour doing nothing waiting the shift to change and then be counted.) From time to time this "martial arts patient" goes a bit nuts especially on the tobacco subject like most other patients, 70% of the patients. Pure joy knowing i can be assaulted or worse anytime for a small amount of tobacco or food.

Hyena attack

Above is a pic of an example of the small pieces of tobacco some patients would gather for hours to roll one fag using a newspaper as rolling paper

Patients are admitted to Male Block One where 80% of the patients are psychotic, 40% from actually been mentally ill and the rest mostly drug induced pyschosis or being sent to Umzimkulu for some criminal act. Smoking of tobacco is allowed in the ward. Sorry to burst your bubble, i was never once tested positive for mary jane nor coke nor any other magic mushroom. Then the transition to Male Block Two where smoking tobacco is also allowed. Male Block Three, i dread to go there, there is absolutly no smoking allowed and i have been smoking tobacco for thirty five years. I had a small nervous breakdown on admittance to Male Block One and then to Male Block Two. Each transition is like some kind of initiation ceremony where the patients test to see if they can obtain tobacco and food out of me. One patient actually sits on my bed up to and hour waiting for me to light up as he figures what's mine is his. Not all the patients are like this thank God and i recon i have made a few friends.

Wolf attack

The tobacco saga occurs with all new patients and their tobacco or food is quickly consumed in a few hours. Watching lions, hyenas or vultures on TV or in real life on a kill can give a good picture of the food and tobacco episodes, meaning the food and tobacco brought by visitors to the patients.

Hand rolled fag

Tobacco smoke contains many harmful chemicals such as carbon monoxide, cyanide, nicotine and tar, which cause disease and death. Non-smokers and ex-smokers on average, live longer and are healthier than smokers. For more information call +27117203145

Above is a pic of a hand rolled fag the patients used to roll when i had rizla rolling paper in stock, newspaper was normally used, bit harsh when one has a cold or flu, the newspaper that is.

Boredom is a real killer and lucky enough my sister bought me a few magazines (to the disapproval of some staff nurses as there where semi naked girls in the magazines, wow can you handle that, maybe the staff where afraid that the patients would start shafting each other, too many happy clappies rule this world on a Sabbath day) and a novel with large font as my multi focals where stolen at G.J. Crookes Hospital, Scottburgh, this was Xmas of 2014 on the 22nd of December 2014. My previous business, AMPPOL IT Linux CD's & DVD's keep me busy for sixteen hours a day so you can imagine doing sweet fuck all most of the day from sunrise till 21:00. Some of the patients whom have been at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital for months, up to nine months or more love it there, free food, free accomandation and free medication, at the taxpayers expense, joy to the world. Lets face it most South Africans have one meal per day if that and at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital:


BBQ at Jabu's mum's place

I rather enjoy this in the pic above than the menu below

  • 09:30 Breakfast: Six slices of bread with margarine on three of the slices and tea with milk and sugar, sometimes no milk
  • 13:00 Lunch: Rice or phutu pap or saltless samp and 25 gramms of meat unless there is mince meat then 50 gramms, drumstick of chicken sometimes on Sundays
  • 16:30 Supper: Rice and beans or pap and pilchards
  • 20:00: Black over sweetened tea (laced with stay soft) and four slices of bread, two of them with margarine
No need to complain, wow at G.J. Crookes Hospital, the food was better, at least different kinds of porridge for breakfast and an egg and a variety of meat and veggies for lunch. Don't understand why all the Government food dished out is not standard

South Africa is one of the few countries in the world where one can receive treatment for under $3 but this kind of treatment i don't ne ed and i am not the only patient who complains about abuse and assault. Most of the African patients and there families live in the sticks cks so to whom will they report all this to. I love South Africa and South Africans but this is really the pits.

I noticed many of the patients at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital take a drug called Risperidone, a horrible piece of work where sixty sixty percentage of males suffer from erectile dysfunction when taking Risperidone, i wonder if the "mental patients" (that's what they are referred to as by the staff) actually have a choice whether to have erectile dysfunction or not, i bet my bottom dollar and it's a fact that no patient is informed of the side effects of the medication they are taking, why should us "mental patients" be informed or have the right to know of side effects, we are the scum of the earth, maybe Government Psychiatry gets it's "info manual" from the holocast. I once researched Risperidone for days on the internet in 2012 and wow what negative reviews. Some of the patients are so spaced out on prescription drugs they sleep most of the day to keep them calm.


During my stay at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital, i observed the finer art of theft, assualt by LK Security Solutions on patients, i pity the guy (patient) whom escaped from the ajoining ward, his screams could be heard miles away whilst the patient was beat with batons. No respect for patients, i once informed one of the staff members that the burglar bars put up on one window had jaggered steel edges and could hurt someone so the staff member said "let them". There is no outbound communication to the outside world for most of the African patients, if one asks a nurse to send an sms the answer is "battery flat" or "no airtime, mean while the nurses sit using WhatsApp the whole day. Ok it would be a bit heavy if 45 patients used the nurses phone, even though i offered to pay, the nurses could at least answer truthfully and inform the patients that cell phone calls are allowed. The nurses are a bunch of liars and have the cheek to pray twice a day with the patients. If a patient ask a nurse for something the answer is more likely to be "kusasa" (tomorrow). I can understand spending twelve hours a day for five days shift with psychotic patients is a bit taxing but the staff nurses opted for this job and i think that the patients at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital could be treated with dignity and more humanly.

I learned a whole lot of new Zulu words at Umzimkulu psych hospital like, ingquza, masende and bhebha to the disapproval of Jabu.


Some of the African patients where so desperate for tobacco they would collect the tiny pieces of loose tobacco from the floor and when there was enough tobacco they would roll a "joint" in a manner of speaking.

Don't try this at home or anywhere else and i do not condone this but it seems that according to Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital, violence is cool and condoned. As long as you sort out your frustrations with batons, polycop plumbers pipe, high heels, a strawberry jam sandwich and mind bending, muscle spasm causing injections.

I am upset now very upset. How on earth could Dr Ndlovo from G.J. Crookes transfer me from a cage full of pigeons to a cage full of vipers and ruin me financially. If i had been discharged from G.J. Crookes i would have been able to make up my payments. Surely if a patient is so psychotic they would be transferred on day one or two. Yet according to my mother: a security guard impersonating a principal psychiatrist, informed my mother that "they need the beds" which is also not true as there where two empty beds in the ward and G2 is also used for psych patients.

I must have been in a very bad state of mind as one night sister took my blood pressure nightly and allowed me to take her blood pressure on numerous occasions. Imagine that some cleaners and staff nurses allowed me to choose and play songs on there smart phones. Ok i hope this paragraph does not get anyone into trouble but i watched the most fantastic game of soccer with the night staff and security guards one Wednesday night. I stand corrected i was at G.J. Crookes longer than 72 hours as i now remember there was no soccer game the next Wednesday for some or other reason whilst i was at G.J. Crookes Hospital.


Doc e, arranged that i do not have to go back to the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital, thank you very much for that.


I prefer and so do all of us, a restroom like in the pic above and not a restroom overflowing with shit and piss

I acquired two "bodyguards" in Male block one after my tobacco was stolen off my person whilst i was lying down in the morning sunshine on the tiled section of the courtyard floor. My one bodyguard and friend (John was his name) even himself mentioned that it was stressful holding onto my tobacco and rolling "joints" for me. The other bodyguard had been in the ward for many months and the other African patients where a bit wary of him. He would make sure that the other African patients stayed away whilst the tobacco was rolled mostly using my own purchased paper or if that ran out then newspaper. Best to choose the meanest mother fuckers as your friends in a place like this, which works on occassions.

Talking about "joints", marijuana is freely available at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital. I found this out when a patient asked me for a light and my bodyguard and best African friend John, told me not to smoke from that "joint" as it contains marijuana. Mary jane is supposed to induce paranoia in mentally ill patients so WTF.

Quite educating this business. I found out that one can crush and smoke pain killers as another room mate who slept opposite me did. Maybe that's why some nurses refused to hand out pain killers without a Doctor's script. So if you have a splitting headache in the afternoon one might obtain some pain killers the next day if lucky. I stay away from pain killers if possible but with my buttock injury from being assaulted and my two week summer cold i was popping pain killer's like crazy. Not thanks to the female Doctor whom i requested pain killers at the nurses station and she did not write them up the first time.

Come to think of it my best African friend went on his knees to talk to this female Doctor at the nurses station. Not that they where married but i was under the impression that Zulu girls serve food on their knees to their husbands. And he was nowhere near psychotic.

To get back to the drugs story, on one occasion i received a phone call in the injection room and there was this newly admitted coloured chap trying to open the medicine trolly. (He also received the customery tobacco treatment on arrival.) A few days later he and the guy who smoked the pain killers managed to steal some drugs from the medicine trolly. They received the baton treatment for their troubles. The assaulting of patients continues to baffle me as i was under the impression that violence in psychiatry was meant to be discouraged (never mind frowned upon) and guys that where in private and most state hospitals, that i have communicated with where never assaulted. Thank God i never witnessed any assault the first time i was admitted at G.J. Crookes Hospital unlike Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital.


On my move from one section to the next at Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital i lost my mountain view bed but was soon invited to another ward closer to the windows by two patients, the alterior motives you guess it, tobacco. The first ward or section i was in (gets a bit confusing this ward business) but anyhow i had a lovely view of the foothills of the Underberg mountains but knew this stunning view of the mountains and a village which was part of Umzimkulu village would not last and soon became quite mudane. Being an outdoor lover i never dreamt magestic mountains could become so boring.

So much agro and fustration as the patients where not allowed out the wards for walks. In any of the three wards bar one occasion. Maybe the patients would try to escape, wow why on earth would anyone want to escape. The one occasion sixteen patients where allowed to go for a walk outside was for a haircut. I remember that day very well. I was sitting in the courtyard and a female nurse starting picking out patients for a haircut. She called me out and i said no thanks. I did not want my hair to be cut bald as some Africans cut their hair. My blood really boiled and when the sixteen patients where about to get on the way for hair cuts i wanted to go with to have my beard trimmed off. The female nurse then changed her mind and said that i could not go at all. Talk about being petty.

I might be making a big issue of the tobacco story but that was the only occupational therapy there was at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital and when the patients received their monthly disability grant or visitors brought tobacco the patients who smoked, smoked non stop almost till all their tobacco was finished in two or three days. Might as well make a "meal" of it when you have it. I was rather more cautious and tried to ration my tobacco till Jabu came to visit me. For every one hundred grams of tobacco i received, i recon i smoked fifty grams and the other fifty grams was for "bodyguard" and sharing of tobacco fees.

Ninety five percent of the patients smoked and a large percentage never smoked before but only smoked at the Umzimkulu to pass the time and have something to occupy themselves with, the youngsters under 28 years of age or so would hide there smoking habits from their mothers or family when they came to visit them.

The patients make their own beds in the morning's. The nurses then come along and make the beds again. I found out only one blanket per patient is permitted during the summer months. Allegedly June and July the coldest months, really cold in the Underberg as I found out first hand on some of our vacations in the Drakensberg, two blankets are allowed. One or two degrees celsius (34 F) outside in winter at late night and early morning it gets really cold without a heater in the bedroom wherever you might be in a hotel or the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital. The patients ward windows are not triple glazed but thinking back the glass is 15mm thick so that must help with the cold a wee bit.


How dare the Sisters, nurses (male and female) and security guards force the patients to pray and dance around in a circle singing Zulu religious songs after the way some of them treat the patients, two faced religious attitudes, i am sure it is written somewhere: abuse, assault, degrade ones dignity, humiliate and tomorrow you will be forgiven. I took no part in these prayer "meeting's" other than i was forced to stand. And my last morning at Umzimkulu Psych Hospital i did go around in circles chanting something at the insistence of one of the nurses just to please her and not have hassles on my last day.

Not everyone who says to me, Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name? And then will I declare to them, I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness. Matthew 7:21-23

I used to be quite a self religious person but i have lost my respect for God due to this hospital stay and psychological after effects, really too much is too much.

I think Stephen Fry is correct with his viewpoint on God. ''The quicker you forget about Him, your life will change for the better"

This is the final nail in the coffin between God and i and it really hurts me to loose faith after so many years, but this is really it, i have had enough. What i have gone through in my life is a fraction of some of the pain and suffering others go or have gone through but i have had enough of this blatant two faced religious attitudes.

And it gets even better, on the 18th Febuary 2015, another anniversary, my birthday, my

The reason i was sent from G.J. Crookes Hospital in Scottburgh, South Africa to the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital was that Doctor Ndlovo filled up a bath and gave me a teaspoon, cup and bucket and asked me to empty the bath, i choose the bucket, she asked me whether i would like a bed by the window in the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital as normal people would pull the bath plug. Just thought i would ad a bit of humour, this did not actually happen but one never knows, many things said in jest could be true.

Crimes against humanity, as defined by the Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court Explanatory Memorandum, "are particularly odious offences in that they constitute a serious attack on human dignity or grave humiliation or a degradation of human beings, they really fucked me up at Umzimkulu.



Crimes against humanity, as defined by the Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court Explanatory Memorandum, "are particularly odious offences in that they constitute a serious attack on human dignity or grave humiliation or a degradation of human beings.



Part nineteen

November 2015 i relapsed and landed up in the Ethembeni Ward at G.J Crooks Hospital on the 5th of December 2015. This is a government Hospital on the South Coast of South Africa where 95% of the patients are African.

The food at Ethembeni ward is good, mielie meal porridge or jungle oats, egg, bread and tea for breakfast. For lunch a hot meal is served with two veggies and meat as well as phutu or rice. Supper another hot meal with a little less on the plate.

But smoking privlages are few and far between in the psych ward. Five fags a day is all one is allowed, if one has them. So if one is used to smoking thirty fags a day one has suddenly cut down to five which was very good for my stress levels. The security guards reguarly steal the patients smokes and shared my smokes with other patients. The security guards (there is ways one on duty) find this ward most boring and cannot understand the illness of the patients.

On arrival at the Ethembeni ward i was beaten up by male staff nurses, hit with solid punches to my back for no apparent reason. Must be another lesson they will never forget. I was not that psychotic to imagine that.

Bath time is at around six thirty am and only six thirty am. I was beaten up by two of the biggest security guards for having a bath in the afternoons due to the heat, whilst still in the tub i was pounded with fists to my face. Doctor M ignored my complaint.

There are ten beds in the Ethembeni ward, two seclusion room beds. In the five room ward there is a television. The only entertainment is to check out the young nurses butts if they are on duty that day and the cleaner was a real dog. Like i said the hospital has an OT section but there is no OT.

Thank God i was transferred to an infectious ward for a few weeks where i had more freedom. I could smoke when i wanted to and spent the days recovering at a normal pace, there was no beef as to when one could take a shower, not like the Ethembeni ward "prison" where i "misplaced" my wedding band and my multi focals where stolen on another visit.

Yet the powers that be decided to transfer me back to Ethembeni ward as i was smoking too much, like there is so much to do with no OT (occupational therapy) at all, even though the hospital does have an OT section.

The infectious ward has thirty six beds, eight of the beds are taken up by non psychotic psych patients. Can't be that of a infectious ward as only 70% of the nurses wear masks and not all the doctors wear masks. Strange the reason i was sent to Umzimkulu psych hospital, according to the CEO (Chief Security Guard) was that the beds at Ethembeni where full, i never knew the doctors transferred patients from Ethembeni to G2, must be another lesson they will never forget that they gave me.

As usual the security guards are in charge of the ward(s), to be a security guard at a government hospital the security guard has to first go to university for three years at least, in any faculty, the security guards also have to be au faut with beating up one patient, eight against one. Which i witnessed with my own eyes at G2 and at Umzimkulu.

Strange that there are three other security guards, who are in charge, Indian chaps whom use brain power to negotiate with a troublesome patient but they are not around much.

Talent abounds at G.J. Crookes Hospital, there are tons of lovely nurses and sisters. The white nurses uniforms are quite see through at times and nothing beats a nice tight behind. The cleaners are not too bad either and some are quite friendly. On the subject of talent, i would not mind shagging my out patient GP. she is quite cute and also an African. I have been with Jabu for six years now so African "girls" really turn me on.

In the apartheid days i would have been killed for going out with an African girl or marrying one. By the Africans and not the apartheid security police, according to one of the staff nurses at Umzimkulu Psych Hospital.

Nothing wrong at looking as long as one does not touch. Being away from Jabu my wife for such a long time really makes one "jags" (randy). Oh well as long as there where tons of nurses to look at. ED (erectile dysfunction) is a real pain and the doctors don't give a fuck, never mind the herbs cost an arm and a leg a shot (pun intended) but there is no spontaneous love making. The herbs or Cialis have to be taken and then the long wait till the mood changes and we are ready for love making. The joy of living in South africa where the "girls" out number the men fifteen million to one. And yes money talks, African girls like "mulungu" with big bucks, so i will have have no luck in that department. Not that WIC "girls" don't like march, (money) either.


On a brighter side, Xmas day we spent at the beach and had supper at the mall thanks to my sister whom arranged a pass out. It was nice to eat out with my family and especially my wife at one of the restaurants. My sister and i also spent a day at the beach amongst the throng of holiday makers on a previous occasion.

An African lady was locked up in the seclusion room for a few days and all she did was scream at the top of her voice, non stop. She was there for at least one week, strange that she was not transferred to Umzimkhulu.

I think I rather be in a psych ward at G.J. Crookes Hospital (but not Umzimkhulu) than at the oncology ward if i had to choose illnesses. I am so blessed, touch wood not to have any physical illness other than erectile dysfunction which is a cause of the meds i swallow religiously. No joy to those guys whom suffer from blood pressure hassles as well, ED is also part of their game. Two doctors suggested i take Cialis, fuck that i need a boner on demand not having to wait one hour before i can get hard on and stress does not help either, i can take 2000 mg Cialis and will not get it up if i am stressed out.

Just like in Ward one at Umzimkulu Psych Hospital the patients bath in a basin to make them feel really at home. 70% of South Africans bath in a basin at night or during the day with a kettle of hot water or boiled water on a fire. In the country where i come from, after WWII and still into the fifties, ditto for some.

G2 ward at G.J. Crookes had five showers and as i mentioned previously Ethembeni ward had one scalding hot water supply from the bath. A thermostat costs around 250 ZAR, (12 USD). The thermostat was either set on boiling point so 10 patients could have hot water or some dick head needed to replace the thermostat, but who the fuck am i to talk being a former electrician of sixteen years. Maintenance could at least install another water heater back to back at ethembeni after spending millions of ZAR revamping G.J. Crookes Hospital where the reception area is tops and so is the pharmacy.


To top it all on my last out patient visit to G.J. Crookes in May 2016 there was no psychiatrist working in the Hospital and i was seen to by a GP. Hopefully this has changed by now, psychiatrists might as well not study for a few years longer if a GP can do the shrinks job which they cannot.

I obtain a rash from the meds i take but was refused by the GP in May 2016 for a script for Persivate ointment, she informed me "i must go upstairs" and wait another three hours in the queue to see another doctor. Seriously if herbal meds where strong enough for my condition i would be taking them and not these shit meds that give me erectile dysfunction and Cialis costs an arm and a leg which i cannot afford even though there are herbal alternatives at one third of the price which work just as well.

It was rather cold on a motorcycle in May 2016 and i arrived at G.J. Crooks at round 8:00 by the time i obtained my file it was 09:00, i waited till 12:00 to see the GP at the psych clinic. The total cost for the consultation and meds supply for six months is one and one half USD (twenty ZAR) so can't complain there.

It's the assault, violence and theft that really bugs me and this is commited by the security guards even though some nursing sisters and nurses steal the patients food, to take in a lunch box home with them, as well as milk and fresh juice. Odd that someone with a 6000 ZAR smart phone needs to steal. I was once shaking and almost had a nervous breakdown when in front of thirty six patients at G2 an African chap was assaulted and held down by eight security guards, he just cried out "mfowethu mfowethu" (spelling) which means brother in the Zulu language. One needs six months to recuperate after being a patient in a government hospital. Not all Africans are like this, most go to church on a Saturday or Sunday or maybe it's the bible that's the problem.

When one is psychotic one does not know what the fuck is going on so the doctor's and sisters try there best in a fassion with meds that are of dubious nature. Each shrink likes there own meds. Strangely in a private hospital a psych patient recovers on average in ten days but the government hospitals have some philosophy that a psych patient needs to stay from one to three months if not longer. However if a psych patient is too spaced out for care in a private hospital and the twenty four hour "knock out injection" which puts one to sleep, does not work then he or she is sent to a government hospital if the patient is non compliant of all things. So those whom have medical aid really score.

We have discovered from reading this book that violence is acceptable by staff members, theft is A ok in psych wards and hospitals of all places, by the staff. I would not treat my dogs the way i was treated and my African friends where treated in the psych hospitals.
Spot of bad luck in the South Coast for me with my manic episodes spiking due to what i thought was the change in altitude but i will never know as there is only a twenty minute if that consultation with a GP or shrink per out patient session at the G.J Crookes Hospital.


Part twenty

On a very brighter note i was once admitted to THMC, what a holiday camp it was in those days. This was a semi private/government psych Hospital. I believe the historic place has been closed down now due to the high cost of rates and taxes in Sandton, Gauteng, South Africa. A real shame as most of the buildings were from the early 60's. I believe i was given the incorrect intel as the place is still open. The procedure is one starts of at a private hospital, then demoted to a government hospital then sent of to THMC for a holiday. At one stage in our lives we will suffer from one illness or other so having bipolar disorder is just one of those things or is it brain radiation from electronic sources.

There where two swimming pools at THMC, some med students don't even know the place. One for the patients and one for the staff nurses who lived in the single quarters. There where also two full size snooker tables in the games room. A cafe for the patients and staff as well. There was a historic chapel and some of the buildings where quite historic which means nothing in South Africa, try knock down a historic building in Europe for instance and see what occurs, just come with bulldozer and put up modern skyscrapers. Come to think of it i got into big shit one night as i was chatting up an African sister, the next day she was put on day shift. What mentality, black is beautiful.

There where six meals served a day, breakfast, tea, lunch, tea, supper and then tea again, tea as in tea or coffee with biscuits not tea tea. The food was quite good and one could put on weight. THMC was nowhere near similar to Barbara Streisand's movie "Nuts". More nut case staff members at Umzimkulu psychc hospital than anywhere else. They really taught me a lesson they will never forget. Sometimes its spelt Umzimkhulu. Which in Zulu means "place of the fucked up mountain", not really but close.

Draft copy

Part fifty four


Sunrise 09/11/2017

Brothers will turn against their own brothers and hand them over to be killed. Fathers will hand over their own children to be killed. Children will fight against their own parents and will have them killed. Everyone will hate you because you follow me. But the one who remains faithful to the end will be saved. When you are treated badly in one city, go to another city. I promise you that you will not finish going to all the cities of Israel before the Son of Man comes again. Matthew 10:21-23

After the excitement and stress of the move in March 2012 being a former Electrician i did not pick up a whole lot of points which Kwela Electrical of Pennington let slide. I did pick up one socket outlet which had the incorrect polarity and when i placed another socket outlet under load the copper cable blew. So one of the Kwela Electrical electricians broke open a connection box in the ceiling void and joined the cable. One of the socket outlets had the knock out missing and i latter found another socket outlet the same. The electrician (from Durban) that came to do the COC at end August 2017 found twenty six points of non compliance. One of the village people said it's not Kwela Electrical's fault but "the clowns that work for him". The electrical installation reminded me of the historic town of Pilgrims Rest near the Kruger National Park.

Oven isolator February 2012

Any SANS electricians or electrical engineers in the house? is the pic above and below above legal in KZN? Kwela Electrical did not come out to do the COC when requested end August 2017. Which wireman is correct?

Bathroom luminaire February 2012

Bathroom luminaire, COC February 2012.

Lucky we have a "valid" SANS 10142-1 COC from Kwela Electrical, dated February 2012.

Cake 17022019

My birthday cake this year February 2019 written in isiZulu, i spent my birthday celebration with Mama and Zack my stepson whom i have known since 24th April 2012 on the 17th February 2019. All the eighteens my birthday on the 18th February, Jabu's birthday on the 18th March, Zack's birthday on the 18th April and Jabu and i got married on the 18th of May 2013.


Rated 18+ Sex Violence Language

Around July 2003 when i was discharged from THMC, a real holiday camp in Sandton, i already had a business plan. To market and sell Linux operating systems on CD and DVD. I volunteered at SAPS S (the police) for a while and then left when my business started to pick up. There was some competition already, they where selling the DVD's at 380 rand plus so i came in at a price of 100 rand DVD. I had a small business and only spent around 200 000 rand on advertising over ten years. Clients used to come pick up the DVD's and CD's at my SOHO in and i used to post them or send them via SSC. I used to go to sleep at 20:00 in those days with my K9 sleeping at my feet, She died in Pennington, i will never get over her (a brown dachshund) and wake anywhere between 01:00 and 03:00 and graft till 07:00 when i had my power nap. At 08:00 after my morning swim and shower i would be ready to answer the phones for orders till 19:00. Mama would go to the post office for me at 14:00.

10/01/2020 02:07 CAT Friday Mageia 7.1 a Firefox update came down. Updates on my A20 as well at 03:02, for some reason i have to do them manually. 03:20, 70% of the time when i upload my webpage it does not resolve after that just when USA is awake to read it. I have been hosting this webpage since 2016 with the same hosting company and only now the complaints come in, 2020. Strange i have been with them on and off for the last fifteen years and this is how they treat me. Especially when i had ADSL. Now it's 4G as there is no more ADSL in Pennngton since 18/04/2019 nor are there any landlines, only WIFI landlines. I can't be bothered to get my A20 to work on Mageia 7.1, i will try on Ubuntu, it works on Windows 10. I regret i could not pay my and domains because i was in hospital and now they are selling for a big sum. Actually my son Pawel contacted me when he was sixteen through my domain

2019, I don't think i have been once to church once in 2019 due to lack of transport and the Mass being at 08:00 in Park Rynie and 09:00 on a Wednesday and 17:00 on a Saturday in Scottburgh, That's the only thing i miss about Summerhill Lodge is the Wednesday Mass. Last time Mrs M and i popped into the Park Rynie church the door was locked. On the way back from Mama's at Summerhill Lodge i used to pop in to OLA and say a few prayers. Shit been without five wheels. Namanga, we where at my sisters* sons baptism and wedding in April. I rely on Mrs M, Mr P and my TSR to get around. Mama also misses church but i am sick of getting lifts, 2019 Good Friday someone was supposed to pick us up at 04:00 for the Ifafa Mass and he forgot. I got pissed off and took Mama to the Kiosk for breakfast. Mama used to love going to church but with her fractured humerus since 23/07/2019 she has been out of action. Being a Catholic boy myself i enjoy going to church once a month, every week i am sure bores God and myself, it is nowhere written in the bible that one needs to go to church at all, it is a church law.

Rated 18+ Sex Violence Language


A long time ago in a land far far away was a Doctor "bottom". She loved to play baseball. Doctor "bottom" was so naughty that one day she kidnapped her daughter. Her ex husband felt sorry for her and did not lay a charge against her otherwise she would be in jail today. When i arrived in Pennington i had a medical plan. The first Doctor i consulted with was Doc L. on Scott Street. I had no beef with him (he gave me a good examination on the first consult) and he helped me when i wrote off my Merc on 05/12/2012 on a straight piece of road outside the Wrecked Heron sign post on the R102 on the way to Pennington. It's the government African Doctors like Doc Ndlovu and Doc Mlawali that are racist and will not help you, Doc Ndlovo put me away in Umzimkulu and Doc Mlawali would not prescribe me something for my rash caused by the anti psychotic meds. I had a very good Indian Doctor in Tiara village, Scottburgh who sorted out my teeth. My medical plan then changed providers and i had a Muslim Doctor in Park Rynie, Doc D, it went well there and i used to visit him on my TSR in 2013. I now go to G.J. Crookes hospital for teeth cleaning every six months but missed my 23/10/2019 appointment as i was just too tired to go after a long shift on the laptop and the stress of Jabu's shit and Mama's fractured humerus. I have a chipped tooth since soon after then and will have to go for an extraction in 2020.

11/01/2020 16:35 CAT Saturday Zack is going back to school Wednesday and arrived at my place at 16:35 today for the weekend. He will be going home early Monday morning. Jabu received her pay this morning early at 03:25 and is busy packing slowly. Zack mentioned that he would like to visit on weekends during his grade 12 year and study here as it is too noisy where he lives. I presume Jabu agrees with this. We are catching up and had pilchards for supper, tomorrow it will be roast chicken as usual. Nice to see Zack again. I emptied the pool myself this morning and now have crystal clear water. Zack was a bit bored so i let him watch Netflix on my A20, i retired early as usual and Zack said i should wake him at 07:00, Jabu who is working might pop in tomorrow before work to take another one of her bags. She has a lot of clothes here gathered over the last six months. Like i said she stopped bathing Mama on December Friday the 13th 2019. And i took over the job. Jabu and i had good times and bad times over the last six months, but we will not get back together again since our separation on 17th December 2017. Mama who is depressed really told Jabu what she thinks of her on December Friday the 13th 2019 as she could see how Jabu was treating me. Mrs M and Mama reckon now that Jabu should not have charged thirty five rand a bath as she had free water, electricity and food for six months. Oh well i agreed to it and paid Jabu with my own bucks from a 1903 10 USD gold coin i sold which i received from my grandfather at birth in Warsaw, gran dad told Mama you are escaping to the land of gold so look after the coin for Marek, my sister* (her name is nyoka) residing in London has helped next to nothing towards Mama's post op care.

12/01/2020 07:20 CAT Sunday Zack requested that i wake him at 07:00. i made him tea and then we had breakfast, he likes scrambled eggs. The day flew by with Zack watching Netflix and us chatting, i must have dipped fifteen times it was so hot. We had roast chicken, roast potatoes and cabbage, tomatoes for lunch. the cabbage was Mama's idea and was quite tasty. I am renowned worldwide for my roast chicken. I retired at 20:00 and left Zack with my A20 to watch Netflix. I hope he did not stay up too late as i told him not to as he has to get up at 06:00 tomorrow, Jabu is coming to fetch another of her bags at 07:00.

13/01/2020 01:34 CAT Monday No load shedding during the weekend. Zack and i had a great short weekend but he prefers to be with guys his own age than to sit around with a madala. He wanted some wireless headphones for Xmas which i could not give him. He washed my bike as usual and will get some pocket money for that. He did receive some Woolworths boxers from his cousin, pure cotton and they cost 279 rand. Strange i know a millionaire who is quite big guy but purchases polyester shirts. Most of my aging t-shirts are cotton, a few are polyester which i wear in winter. i have two pure cotton t-shirts which must be thirteen years old, i only wear them on special occasions, like Xmas and Easter and my birthday. For nyoka's wedding he bought me two shirts and a jacket, how it's gone downhill since April 2019. The shirts where a mixture of polyester and cotton to my dismay and cost a bundle. Nyoka will be flying down for Mama's birthday party in April. Just like they flew down for his wives mother birthday party for the weekend. Jabu arrived at 07:00 and told Zack to stay at my place till 10:00 and carry some bags down for her. So Zack and i had a few extra hours together. Mama went to see Doctor V today at 11:00. She might have anemia. Her fractured humerus is not healing after six months i still have to put her in the bath and take her out.

14/01/2020 04:13 CAT Tuesday Slept well. Retired at 20:05 and woke after 03:00. Made a kaka yesterday and the day before with the help of Doctor "bottom". I am also taking mild laxatives every day. I normally would say i had a crap or a shit but there is a 50 year old Doctor who is reading this website every day and don't approve of this terrible foul language, the flac is of course coming from up North. So maybe i should type pee pee and kaka and not hey you you mother fucker without an ingquza.

15/01/2020 02:45 CAT Wednesday nothing exciting either than Mama requested a shower and not a bath. I am sure she will shower again tonight like she did last night. It's 16:00 now in my office and must be 30 C, goodbye till tomorrow. 23:19 Hold on at 22:46 nyoka send me a text via Whatsapp "Just fuck right off and remove your shit from you book". Must be nice to have so many GBP you can treat your me anyway you like. And he keeps calling me an "idiot". I removed her shit, read it in Rev 3 off my autobiography. Nyoka has always treated me like an inja. These horrible naughty naughty people from up North born in the RSA. I told him now (23:45) he must pay me 500 quid (a beer costs 22 quid) for all these revisions and all he replied was "idiot" on gmail. Strange i woke up early tonight. Nyoka needs to be responsible for Doctor "bottom" as well. I fell asleep just after midnight very depressed. And woke at

16/01/2020 CAT Thursday 05:30 to the clutter of pots. Jabu said last night she will come at end January for the rest of her stuff, dam she owes me a haircut. Retired at 21:30 when here was no power. I sent Jabu some google pics from 2015 from my album, she was quite happy. And woke at

Rated 18+ Sex Violence Language

17/01/2020 04:32 CAT Friday Mama was already awake. I started writing this book in 09/2016 and had no flac with the same content but worse, i am going to give it a break now and spend my days watching Netfix and Youtube and continue with my security studies of my hard copies of my books. I have lots do with being a care giver for Mama. Whose fractured humerus has not come right since the 23/07/2019 and she needs an assisted bath. Mama is also depressed to top it all but 45 days ago i called in the right Doctor for a house visit and Mama is coming right. I on the other hand can't take all this shit all of a sudden from up North from Doctor "bottom" and nyokaness. Why did Doctor "bottom" not complain to my hosting company in 09/2016, when i had a full family pic of her and Nyoka and their child. She just does not like me to play baseball and is after Nyoka. So now she is after the Pawinski family as nyokaness is after Mama and I. The weather man "shutdown - h fucking now". But before i do i would just like to say not a fuck am i going away, there are porno sites that will host me no problem. Fuck this 17/02/2020 21:00 "shutdown -r fucking now". Each country worldwide has a weather man, i am the weather man of South Africa, remember the floods of 1989 at Durban, ek was daar. It's only after the fact i noticed we beat the pommies at rugby when i watched the game and we beat New Zealand a few times when i watched the game. I had DSTV premium courtsey of nyoka and Doctor "bottom" in Johannesburg. Now we have a drought on the South Coast. Don't blame me just love me, hug me, touch me and fuck me with your shaven ingquza (as long as you are pretty), even though looking at the porn sites a little bit of pubic hair is also nice. 21:35, just had a shave now, dam i am out of Tabac Original after shave, one drop left in fact for a special occasion. First time in over twenty years i am out. Actually ingquza stresses me out as i never know if i will get it up with the muthi, Jabu was sick and tierd of my ED. At least i could bhepa the whole of 2019 and once in 2020 January so far, thanks to my blood pressure pills being changed in October 2018 by a wise Doctor. One year one is impotent the suddenly i can bhepa, the Lord works in mysterious ways. 22:53 i am tired now and will upload this page, see you tomorrow.

isiZulu Shield and Assegai

17/01/2020 09:02 CAT Friday Now i find out from Mama that she will not take her anti psychotic meds prescribed by a specialist Doctor as her GP, Doctor V told her to stop taking them because she complained she was feeling drowsy and she was doing so well on them. I have been dispensing them to Mama for the last forty five days or so. What a fuck up. And Mama is right now on the meds she was taking. Mama wants to go back to taking her old meds which helped her fuck all in the last eight years. She is manic again. 20/01/2020. It's not her fault when one is manic one does not know what is going on but i went to all the trouble to put her on the right meds and now this. 21/01/2020 02:59 Mama is up and fucking me around while i work. Amazing she was right just on Friday past and has now relapsed because she stopped taking her meds and i have to put up with her shit. She needs to go to hospital and have an injection or I am going to land up in G.J. Crookes. I don't have nerves of steel. In the morning's her tongue is like that of a viper and she calms down in the afternoon. Maybe nyoka was right to send her to Summerhill Lodge then she would be their problem. I am just fed up year after year the same story. After all nyokaness did say in 2017 she would buy Jabu and I a house, nyoka keeps reminding me of this. I have had to put up with Mama's BPMD since March 2006 when Tata passed away. While nyoka sits in London and give the orders, Mr big Doctor himself and his GBP.

13/01/2020 02:52 CAT 14 updates on Mageia 7.1, still no skype nor opera update. I am content that at least i am getting something, a new kernel would be nice like in the past, i think Mageia is struggling or i am being hacked again. 04:10 i am going to upload my website now. 14/01/2020 03:18 18 updates including a new kernel on Mageia 7.1. 15/01/2020 02:58 patch Tuesday Windows 10, all fine was finished updating at 03:31 then the reboot. Can you actually believe it 17/01/2020 04:57 an Opera upgrade on Mageia 7.1, and a update, one package at 17:15. I usually backup / once a week for forensic analysis and decided on the 18/01/2020 to do a fresh install which i preformed on the 19/01/2020 at 02:43, it takes a while on a Celeron and to configure everything again, it's now 04:41 but i have a nice new clean / and my /home is the same.

18/01/2020 03:45 CAT Saturday Usual brew of coffee and a fag. I see i slept five hours, good enough for me. Will need a power nap during the day. 05:46 think will give it a break now. Had my morning dip already at 05:35. 07:05 need my drugs now, can't wait till 08:00 and breakfast. Feel much better after my power nap around 09:35 and then in the afternoon. Have a big day tomorrow after a Whatsapp chat with a girl.

19/01/2020 04:43 CAT Sunday I have a date at eight. Will see how it works out, will let you know. Siphokazi arrived at 08:10, there are few taxi's on a Sunday. She left at 11:00 and only found a taxi at 12:02 after walking two kilometers up a hill. My bike can only take 150 kg now in total or i would have given her a lift.

As of 09:12 i have a new sweet young Xhosa girlfriend, my first hug and kiss since August 2019. We have been chatting on Whatsapp for a while. Actually we where boyfriend and girlfriend on Whatsapp on the 18/01/2020 already. Lets hope the Lord has opened this window for me through all my prayer and my next prayer is answered for more money on the web. Baseball season is over.

20/01/2020 05:04 CAT Woke up late and at 07:00 Jabu came to give me a haircut. She is pissed off with me because she wanted twenty rand more as it was a cut and not a trim, so i owe her twenty bucks in total ninety five rand. She had breakfast and gave me some bad news which i have to think about. That's all now i am not good at typing during the day. 08:47. 20:33 Can't sleep, So far i have had Sotho, isiZulu girlfriends and now a Xhosa girlfriend and of course an isiZulu wife Jabu, (separated). The only white girl i have had in between was Carina and she had a Muslim boyfriend before me. I wonder how she is doing. Could not fall asleep and eventually fell asleep on the couch at what time i don't know.

21/01/2020 02:32 CAT Jabu looks like has blocked me on Whatsapp for the millionth time, looks like she is jealous i have a new girlfriend. Fuck her anyway, Jabu did not want anything to do with me the six months she was here (except August 2019) and has only one more bag of clothes to collect. She had it good whilst she was here and cost me 2500 Rand per month. I am in a foul mood this morning and don't give a fuck anymore. Maybe things will change when Siphokazi comes to visit me this morning. I will have a normal person with me because between Jabu and Mama it's a fuck up. Thank fuck Mama is going shopping with Mrs M this morning so maybe i will have one hours break. I think when i bath Mama this morning i will leave her in the bath as long as possible so i don't have to put up with her morning mania. I was lucky on the 19/01/2020 as Mama requested an early bath so Siphokazi and I could make out in peace alone. 05:42 I called Jabu and Jabu says she blocked me on Whatsapp because she does not have data. This neighbours parrot is driving me crazy at this time. We spent a pleasant day together and i went to sleep at 18:00 and woke at 23:10, I dropped the A20 on the concrete floor now the piece of shit is totally fucked, you have to pay extra for the sleeves for Samsung, I will never buy another Samsung again so fucking brittle. The Cubot Manito lasted me two and a half years but the A20 lasted one month. I live on tender hooks here and no wonder i dropped the phone from 1.2 meters. It's actually Mama's and mine shared phone. So a nice day turned to shit, i offered Siphokazi employment and she took it. I fired Fanislie a few weeks back for being more intrested in her sangoma work than to coming to work here.

22/01/2019 01:26 CAT Wednesday I battled to change SIM's on my phones as the Cubot Manito takes a micro and nano and the Samsung spit takes two nano's, i had to sand down one SIM and got it to fit as i could not get the nano into my micro adaptor. Maybe i will try again when its light. I have dropped my Cubot Manito before with no hassles or breakages, the shit they make these day. If nyoka had paid me the 4100 rand in lieu of the iPhone 6s he promised to give me i would have purchased the A30 with gorilla glass. Four perl updates and 13 other updates on Mageia 7.1 at 16:45

22/01/2020 16:50 CAT Wednesday My girlfriend will go to Umzinto tomorrow to try get me a Damage report for the insurance for the A20. Maybe it's just the screen.

23/01/2020 04:10 CAT Had a good nights sleep, woken by the thunderstorm. The Cubot Manito was on 42% battery when i woke up, i don't know how long it will hold out, this might be my last entry. Never mind i can't source a battery it overheats and needs a reboot every time i want to take a photo. 23/01/2020 09:51 The A20 screen can be replaced for 650 rand plus 150 rand for the damage report, lets hope the insurance will pay that. The A20 should be ready Monday. But they will not pay as they want a reputable company and Mr Ahmed is not reputable enough for them and he did a bad job of fixing the phone, double tap to wake phone does not work and there is light emitting from the top right hand corner of the phone where it hit the floor. There goes the two year warranty. Including taxi and tips it cost me 962 rand to fix the phone.

23/01/2020 Hail Mary full of grace get satan behind me. Let Mama's recover from her mania soon, i just can't take it anymore, Doctor V is giving her the incorrect meds for the last eight years. Doc K gave her the right meds two months ago. Mama now forgets that i changed her nappies for her in August and September 2019 and am now bathing her since Friday the 13th December 2019. The last few days she is up at the same time i am and is very aggressive. Mama is not happy i have a new girlfriend and we had to argue for my girlfriend to come to visit me today, 24/01/2020, for breakfast. Oh Lord why me? Where does all my praying everyday get me?

24/01/2020 01:09 CAT Siphokazi had a tooth extracted yesterday after she took my phone in for repair, poor girl was in pain yesterday. She is coming to visit me today for the whole day. Alas she did not come, she said she was in hospital as her thirty year old sister is ill. I am a bit anxious as i only know her for a week or two and she is the only one that knows where the A20 is in for repair in Umzinto. Siphokazi is thirty years younger than i so we will see if this relationship lasts. If not then no hassle she will continue to be our maid. I actually don't have bucks for a girlfriend so maybe it will be better if we call it off as i cannot look after her and her two young children. Looks like it will be back to playing baseball again soon. Power just went off for the third time today, 20:00, fuck Pennington. It was nice to live here in 2012/2013 but now since then it sucks. Shit it's hot now with the fan off. I did not spend much tie on the laptop early this morning and the insurance company really gave me hell on behalf of Mama, they treat people like criminals. 20:17 the power is back on. 20:19 the power is back off, fuck off cunt where did you do your apprenticeship. I was a fucking good electrician in my day. A wireman once told me first time for so and so electrical. Must be twenty eight years ago. Stupid cunts don't have qualified people to do the job but i can't find a job, not that i want to be an electrician again i am too old for that and the pills too strong. We going to play yoyo now, the power back on at 20:48. I can't sleep i am too anxious about the A20. Mama's bonus went into it. 20:53 no power again. oh fuck this is getting boring.

24/01/2020 19:50 CAT Friday Doctor Marek has long ago solved the problem of Mama's mania, she needs to be sedated all day long, I had a pleasant day today with Mama sleeping most of the time. There was no electricity from 12:00 till 16:40 and Mama woke up and made a tuna salad for lunch, she loves me very much and i love her but i love her more when she is not manic and some quack is treating her. I will see how she acts tomorrow without sedation. These days anyone can be a shrink. Mama has a bladder problem so i spend most of the time in the laundry and mopping up her piss like i did nyoka's dog.

24/01/2020 01:32 CAT Mageia 7.1 Opera update, rkhunter seems fine. I powered off the Cubot Manito last night so when i woke my battery was 98% full. Can't wait till Monday to get my A20 back hopefully. Mageai is falling apart, there should be a lot more updates then there are. 24/01/2020 20:37 24/01/2020 21:05 trashed my Debian partition and installed PCLinuxOS, very quick and responsive but it will not unencrypt my Mageia 7.1 encrytped /home, like Ubuntu and Debian used to do easily. Must be over over ten years since i used PCLinuxOS. The install was super super fast. 26/01/2020 PCLinuxOS 15 updates on a Sunday nogal. Love updates. Will use PCLinuxOS for a week and evaluate how it goes.

25/01/2020 13:35 CAT Fell aslepp after 22:00 and woke at 03:43, Mama was cleaning the house. Had a nice power nap just now and a dip so i feel fresh, poor old lady no Doctor will help her except Doctor Marek. I just gave her a bath and washed her hair again. I on the other hand have an infected boil on my leg, the infection is the size of a flat orange and rather painful. Thanks to the meds i am on. Mama is mostly manic in the morning then calms down in the afternoon, she even fried eggs for me today for breakfast and cooked lunch together with me, fish fingers and microwave potatoes. Slowly she will come right but it takes time on the incorrect meds. This PCLinuxOS is pissing me off the spell checker does not work.

25/01/2020 12:36 CAT Saturday i am extremely anxiuos about the A20, Siphokazi said this morning that her farther of her kids is going to fetch and take her phone. So now we have no contact, She was going to Umzinto today at aroud 10:00 but the cell repair shop has not contacted me for EFT details. Looks like Mama has lost most of her Xmas bonus thanks to the insurance company insisting on a damage report. Anyway whats a few thousand rand between friends, i have lost a lot more since 2014 when i was manic due to electronic pulse frequncies, In fact i lost three laptops. One was an i7. PCLinuxOS spell check does not work either. I think i will stick with Mageia and play around with PCLinuxOS. Lunchtime, fish fingers and potatoes. 13:01 18:07 I keep wandering about Mama's A20. Very anxious by nature. 3500 rand it cost and was meant to last for five years like my Nokia which has lasted since 2008 i think.

26/01/2020 02:23 CAT Sunday Siphokazi crapped on me for Whatsapping her and phoning her when she said she will get back to me. Mama got up for a pee at 02:00 and has gone back to sleep on her armchair, shame she is really suffering without professional help. All good so far except for two things like i said to recap, I can't get PCLinuxOS spell checker to work and i can't mount my encrypted Mageai 7.1 /home. From past experience i knew this encryption was a fuckup. I don't have time like Doctor "bottom" who has nothing to do then read my webpage everyday. It's roast chicken for lunch today as per evey Sunday, if there is power otherwise i will have to BBQ a flattie. I have plenty of BBQ wood. I don't use a Weber. The farmer who sold the house to Mama built a built in BBQ with roof where i park my TSR. It's a pleasure using PCLinuxOS so far, so quick and responsive on my N3060 and chromium browser does not hang, we will see how long before they hack me. As of today my spelling will deteroate even worse without a spell checker. Mama is up again for another pee, 02:56. So i am in the shit today with Siphokazi and will see if she whatsapps me, i have reached a stage where i don't really care if i get the A20 back or not. I will purchase a 1500 rand phone just to do the accounts. As long as this phone lasts a little longer, the Cubot Manito that is. My retirement money i saved has gone into Mama's post care for her fractured humerus and now her mania. Whilst the two nyoka's sit in London pleading povery but they have a full time nanny for their son, my newfew. Noyakaness is a real piece of work and i will paste what she wrote to me via whatsapp later. Amazing Mama is still asleep. 04:05 06:30 i am deep in the crap with my girlfriend, i think she wants to call it off, well that did not last long but she says she will still fetch our shared A20 on Monday. Don't have bucks for a girlfriend anyway.

25/01/2020 evening Saturday Unbeknown to me Mama took a sleeping tablet and has been out since tonight till 13:30 26/01/2020, must be a hell of a strong sleeping tablet, she got up to make breakfast and fell asleep again. She will not tell me what the sleeping tablet is, she should take them every night but in smaller doses. She needs rest. 13:33 Mama asked me to do her hair, i can only do a ponytail. Then she was manic as hell till i bathed her at around 17:00 where she gave me a kiss on the cheek and shook my hand. 27/01/2020 01:18 Mama is still fast asleep, i could hear her breathing when i went into her room. It's amazing how she and i must suffer because she is on the incorrect meds. I have pain in my chipped tooth the last two days, hmmm how to get to Crookes and not leave Mama alone in the house. Mama is alive, she just went to have a pee, 01:33 She needs to have a ring fitted for this bladder problem. Lets hope she goes back to sleep and i can work in peace. The electricity bill will rocket if she leaves all the lights on.

26/01/2020 13:35 CAT Sunday I will continue to use Mageia 7.1 even though it's a security risk as the updates are few and far between. I will not be surprised if Mageai folds. PCLinuxOS was a clone of Mandriva and does not do what i want it to do. I like things to work out the box, don't have time to fuck around like my younger years spending years on google looking for a solution which eventually does not come, a reinstall is always better in Mageia's case than fucking around trying to fix what the hackers fucked up, always saving my /.

27/01/2020 03:22 CAT I have been going through my partitions up dating. So far Ubuntu Linux is still the best, till the hackers get hold of it. Watch i will upload this file and there will be a fuck up, fuck me, fuck me, just the way you fuck me, you got me going crazy, at least Totem works on Ubuntu, love me, love, fuck me, oh ah Mama is up. 03:25. She wanted to go for an op two years ago so the receptionist told her to bring 16 000 rand with her the next day for her bladder. Today we will see if i get our A20, i hope they accept EFT. Siphokazi is still slightly pissed off with me. 03:37 yes Mama is up. she is making herself a pot of Rooibos tea as she says she is thirsty and i gave her a big hug so far so good. Now the long wait till 09:00. Siphokazi picked up the phone but said she could not find a taxi and will come tomorrow. i am a bit worried. She just answers me "K", "J" and "me too" on Whatsapp.

27/01/2020 Mama made me sandwitches for breakfast and supper. Lunchtime we had leftover rice and hot cabbage and tomatoe in a boiled sauce. Mama was fine mostly during the day till about 18:00 when i asked her to sit down and discuss what the maid would do tomorrow. Then she went off at me and i just went to bed.

28/01/2020 00:01 CAT Tuesday Lets hope my phone arrives today, i am very very anxious. Less than four hours to go. 03:38 It was supposed to arrive yesterday but Siphokazi said there was no taxi. The A20 did arrive, fucked, one dead pixel, double tap to wake screen does not work and the screen does not fit snug on the top right of the screen, the light shines through, what a waste of 850 rand to have it repaired and the insurance company was not happy with the damage report from Umzinto they suggest i go to Port Shepstone which coats 580 rand by shuttle. I did not think of purchasing a protective sleeve when i purchased the phone (A20) as the Cubot Manito came with a protective screen, fuck Samsung everything is extra. This is all because the two nyoka's did not give me the iPhone 6s as promised on Whatsapp, verbally and on gmail in June 2019. Went to sleep at 18:30.

28/01/2020 01:01 CAT PCLinuxOS is fucked, first the other day it frooze when the machine came out of standby and now when i tried to boot PCLinuxOS the magnum (3.6 gig iso) or something like that edition it fails, can't be bothered PCLinuxOS release 13/01/2020 does not do what i want it to do anyway. Spellchecker does not work and will not mount my encrypted Mageai 7.1 /home partition. Pity it looked quite good the whole night i used it. Mageia is still the best for what i need it for and of course Ubuntu Linux. Still worried that there are no updates days on end, even on the mirrors for Mageia 7.1. 29/01/2020 01:20 23 updates for Mageia 7.1, no new kernel.

28/01/2020 01:55 CAT Mama woke up for a pee and to wash her panties, now she has turned on the kitchen luminaire and made a cup of coffee, i can't work like this, i work these hours so i can work in silence. Under Doctor V's care Mama was manic from March 2012 (when we moved to Pennington) till February 2013, good going Doctor V. It's amazing Jabu even wanted to know me. Oh well i just need to pay the bills and they can take me out of here, it's better in G2 than with Mama. I need a holiday but unfortunatly i think they will send me to eThembeni. Good luck Mama, maybe Doctor V can bath you and wash and comb your hair. Hold on there is a problem, they only admit psychotic patients, oops Mama should be there according to Doctor *. I sent him videos of Mama's behaviour. Fuck the shit i have to put up with and this is aggressive mania. Thank God the anti psychotic drugs are keeping me together. With all my years of experience i could be a psych nurse and shrink. The Sodium Valporate and Risperdone Mama was taking where working so well till she went to see Doctor V and he stopped her taking them and continued her on Lily Fluoxetine. 03:05 Mama is now repacking the fridge/freezer.

29/01/2020 01:48 CAT Wednesday It was so nice having Siphokazi over yesterday, like i said i hired her as our maid, she arrived at 07:15 and it was nice to talk to someone whilst she was ironing, at first i was very happy to receive my phone back. But like i said it turned sour when i found all the faults. 01:52 Mama just got up. She was out at physio most of the day yesterday and sat on the beach with Mrs M, also did some shopping. now it starts again the clicking of the pull switches. I hope Mama goes back to bed. I have had the same story almost every year since March 2006. No wonder i fall ill together with the electronic pulse frequincies. Yesterday Mama even told Siphokazi that i was in hospital, i had to explain to Siphokazi part of the story. MANIC. All silent, maybe Mama has gone back to bed, i think she just went for a piss. Mama is sleeping 03:02, let me upload this page, i am sort of happy to have my cripple A20 back.

29/01/2020 CAT Mama is sitting at 70%. She loves cooking and baking, that's what she missed at Summerhill Lodge as she had no stove there. Today we had hot beetroot, peeled boiled potatoes in the microwave, salad and boerewors (sausage) on the grill. Mama still gets here manic attacks, this is of course hereditary so nyoka has it as well, all to do with gene pool therapy which can cure BPMD at one million USD a shot. Usual routine, breakfast, i put Mama in the bath around 10:00, she can't climb in herself with her fractured humerus recovery nor can she get out the bath. She does ok in the kitchen now, like i said she prepares the food and i cook it. She has these outburst about rearranging the furniture and getting rid of my couch, we agreed that we will get rid of my leather couch on my birthday, like hell.

30/01/2020 01:10 CAT Thursday Have not heard from nyoka since he told me to "fuck right off", he is very clever he will not write it in gmail but puts it in Whatsapp. They must be having big problems with all that money to spend and nothing to do with it. The New Zealand trip from London must have cost a packet over Xmas 2019 but still he will not pay towards Mama's post op recovery fees. He is not bankrupt at all, especially on his trips to South Africa when he flashes the bucks around but he will not talk to Mama nor answer her emails, like a stupid bitch she still sticks up for him because he is the "famous" research doctor. Nyokaness must stay out of our business she is not our family. Mama was having a nightmare at 03:01 so i turned on her bedroom light, it was time for her to pee anyway. I think i will have a shave now, would not mind a swim it's hot, too much pt to turn on the garden luminaires. 03:31, a shave is not the same without Tabac aftershave, i was thinking of purchasing some Vodka and using it as aftershave, yes google confirms it one can use rum or vodka as aftershave. Siphokazi is going to Umzinto today to inform Mr Ahmed about the faults in the A20 and get an invoice for the damage report.

30/01/2020 After midnight Mama has been fast asleep now except for her 03:00 pee, we will see today during the day how her mood is. Strange even after a good nights sleep she is manic at times and keeps reminding me of the past, this time it's not Dorota but Jabu and she does not want me to have Siphokazi as a girlfriend because she says I don't have bucks to have a girlfriend which is true and she is not going to feed her if she comes to visit me once a week. Strange when she was well she had friends over for tea all the time at Summerhill Lodge, now that she is ill she is a bit fucked in the head. She is not sitting at 70% but at 50%, what do you have to say to that Doctor V and sister Shelia with your magic pills. Sister Shelia told me "we deal with this sort of thing all the time" I am the one that suffers and fall asleep at 18:00 from nervous exhaustion. Anyway we where so supposed to have vegetarian for lunch but it turned out to be chicken livers and potatoes with lettuce salad so much for saving money.

31/01/2020 02:50 CAT Friday Must have woken at around 02:00, how time flies, load shedding has started again last night and is due to go off at 04:02 just now. Today i am going to the Pennington clinic to get my pills by car, going to get a lift with someone (changed my mind and at 06:10 drove to the beach and had a smoke and watched the waves) and Siphokazi is coming to work half day to look after Mama, can't leave Mama alone she will most likely let strangers into the house like she did last time. They happened to be a homeless couple and she was not manic at that time. Went to the clinic by bike, as usual half my meds where missing, but the service was good from my fav nurse. Poor Mama i type all this shit about her but i need to keep it for my own records. Like i said i love her very much but not right now. 04:01:25 the load shedding begins. ESC (easy slow comfortable) has fucked up big time, or is it the ANC government. Tata when he was alive said there would be this problem. When he was retired he grafted till his dying day, he built the house in Randburg with his own hands and the help of labour. Took him 17 years, to complete. He must be turning in his grave that we sold the double story 320 squares house in end 2011 to move to this dump Pennington. We missed a house in Greymont by two weeks. Well might as well upload this page and watch a movie on Netflix. There will be a glimmer off sunrise at 05:08. I can see the outline of the trees. I am just watching that my candle does not drip into my cooler. Hmm thirsty now let me go drink some cold drink, don't feel like taking the gas out for tea. Forecast is 29 C today no clouds, looks cloudy to me. Let me upload this page again and relax a bit. 05:25

31/01/2020 Looks like it's over between Siphokazi and I. She does not like deep kisses and does not like to hug too much so we fucked. She can continue working here if she wishes. Mama does not really want her here after the Jabu fiasco. When i went to the beach on 31/01/2020 at 06:23 my heart was sore, i looked at the rocks where i proposed to Jabu on my left and to the right is BJ rock where we used to swim in the rock pool at low tide. What a fuck up that it did not work out between Jabu and I, all because nyoka wanted us to pay 2000 rand rent for Mama's place so Jabu's mother Winnie told Jabu to move out.

BJ Rock

31/01/2020 03:09 CAT Friday Puts me in a good mood, 19 packages updated on Mageia 7.1 including Firefox and Thunderbird, let me test them out now. So far so good. Mageai 7.1 has dropped from 20 to 30 a month ago on Distrowatch but that is bullshit as Ubuntu Linux is rated number five and every one who uses Linux mostly uses Ubuntu Linux. PCLinuxOS is rated 14 but does not graft on my machine. Pity it's a nice OS i remember from way back.

01/02/2020 02:15 CAT Saturday Woke up at 23:00 the night before and went to sleep at 02:15 when the load shedding started, woke up at 06:20 to Mama's making a noise packing something in her bedroom, one can hear everything through these wooden walls. I am going to try and sleep late tonight, i am tired of operating the machine by candle light.

01/02/2020 17:29 Mama has been unusually calm today with only outbreaks that she does not want me to have a girlfriend coming here, she said she has had enough of cooking every Sunday for seven years for Dorota and I and is naming all my past wives and girlfriends. So far so good if it can be like this then she is at 80%. We will see tomorrow how her mood is. She can bath herself but not get in and out of the bath. Right let me go make that cup of tea. 01:51 02/02/2020. If every day could be like today it would be wonderful. Pity we did not have enough funds to send Mama for physio when she was supposed to go, i found a physio two clicks from here eventually. Like i said we are just poor simple folks. Mama is very pissed off with the pain and limited use of her right arm after six months never mind her bladder problem which costs a fortune in midi and maxi pads. What she has gone through in Pennington with her and my BPMD is amazing. As of today i think she is more angry than anything else, her episodes seem to be fainter.

02/02/2020 01:00 CAT Sunday Three dumps in a row in three days. Either Mama's veggies are working or i should stop taking the mild laxatives every day which i have been taking for the last year or so. Remember i suffer from chronic constipation. At least i don't have to unblock the sewrage. Twenty minutes till they kill the power. I woke up nice and fresh this morning. My cripple A20 is still working. I don't know wether to send it back to the same guy back for repair or just leave it and hope it gets stolen one day then insurance will pay. Ah fuck it like i said i have smashed a Gigabyte i7 laptop with a four pound hammer before when i was manic and under the control of electronic remote frequiencies and then put it back together with a broken Lenovo and it worked. 01:43 time to make some tea before they kill the power at 02:02. Nyoka actually responded to one of my emails yesterday and said i am writing shit, sure the truth hurts. 02:01 no electricity. Don't feel like typing by candle light, will now upload this page and watch Netflix. 02:07 02:44 I prefer when they kill the power at 04:02 Oh of course I forgot about the Pennington clinic on the 31/01/2020, there was a que again and i walked in to reception, my fav nurse was there and the new rules are one has to wait outside for the last four months, i started to msg my friends and five minutes later a nurse with a big smile brought my meds, of course as per the last four months or is it five there was no Camcolit nor Risperdal, lucky Marek's pharmacy has stock. And Mama was complaining to Doc K why do i have so many pills, just for occasions like this. I went by bike, it was a nice short ride, still have a problem with my ignition though, I have to turn the key a few times before the dash lights come on. Bike rode magic the first four years and then started to fall apart not due to lack of maintenance. I even used to take Mama and Jabu to Scottburgh on it. 15 clicks away. 03:12 Took Mama for a pee and change of pads by candle light. 03:43 twenty minutes till they hit the power button. ON. Fuck it's hot here with no fan and the candle close to my face. I had to change candles, well folks am i typing shit? 03:50 11 minutes to go, you can do it ESC. I would like to start roasting my chicken at 12:01 sharp. ESC will kill the power at 10:01. 04:00:47 power back on. Fuck the print device gave me a fright coming on, only the scanner works, it used to be a 4 in 1. Bloody good in it's day. HP of course. As i picked up the remote at exactly 08:30 to turn on the TV i noticed we had no power. The power came back on at 09:15 after i had fried my eggs on the gas stove and made Mama a pot of rooibos tea and coffee for myself. There was no load shedding at 10:01 till 12:01 so Mama is roasting the chicken today and potatoes and some sort of beetroot salad. I am just pissed off with her. 14:30 am busy washing the dishes in the dishwasher :-) For some unknown reason i used to wash the dishes at the sink and it really hurts my back as the sink is too low. Except for hanging the laundry my back konks out often. Went to bed at 22:32.

03/02/2020 02:05 CAT Monday Decided to boot into Windows 10 to install openMandriva on virtualbox but it requires two gigs of RAM so i left it did not feel like fucking around further with my 3.8 gigs of RAM. The live bit looked good but i always like to install. So next i went to Ubuntu Linux and installed the updates, a new kernel. Then i decided to install PCLinuxOS Magnum one more time and update it. It sleeps and i rebooted it four times so it's grafting so far. Will try again in a week or so. Did not waste my time configuring anything either than my virtual desktops. The A20 is still fucked, at least the fingerprint scanner works. But there is light emitting from the top right of the phone where it fell whilst it is on, don't have bucks to go to the Galleria for a damage report. Double tap to wake screen does not graft. I am sure it's not an original Samsung A20 screen, actually pretty sure as i have the old broken screen in a generic folder. My bad i was in a hurry to get it repaired. What a fuck up. 16:58 i think i will boot into PCLinuxOS Magnum just to see if it works. 04/02/2020 00:41 booted into PCLinuxOS Magnum and and it worked. Watched a bit of Mr Bean and then rebooted back into Mageai 7.1, must have been one of those mysterious hacking jobs on my machine that PCLinuxOS Magnum did not work before like one day i rebooted into Mageia 7.1 and had a kernel panic. Pity PCLinuxOS Magnum 13th January 2020 will not decrypt my encrypted Mageia /home.

03/02/2020 11:02 CAT Monday I decided to let Mama do the monthly shopping today (so she can get out a bit) and gave Mrs M the shopping list. Load shedding from 10:01 to 12:14. Later 18:01 till 20:08, i don't like leaving Mama alone in a wooden house with burning candles. Fuck there is something wrong with my kidneys when i get off the couch these last few days, extreme pain. When i sit at the laptop in the early hours of the morning i don't get this pain in my CEO leather chair. Had a shit three days in a row now without liquid parrafin and epsom salts. Have stopped taking my daily dose of mild laxatives. Will take them again tonight. Basically had a pleasant day. Except 16:40 Mama has gone outside the property for a walk somewhere, on one occasion she dropped the house keys in the bushes. Once ESC had hit the power button in the control center i went back to sleep.

04/02/2020 01:46 CAT Tuesday Mama just went for a pee and change of pads. She is improving drastically since 01/02/2020 with fewer manic outbursts. If the Lord would just sort out her arm would be great. She is cooking and baked some scones yesterday even though she burnt them a bit. At this rate i think she will live till 100 lat. Sweet Mama is almost back with us. But one slight problem she wants to walk to the beach. After six months inside these prison walls that's not a good idea she could collapse coming back up the hill with me in this heat.

02/02/2020 That must have been the shortest relationship ever for me. Between Siphokazi and myself, 18/01/2020 till 02/02/2020. At least i had my six monthly hug and kiss and a bit of second base. Mama partly fucked it up for us of course with her mania talk.

05/02/2020 02:40 CAT Wednesday You guessed it eight packages to update on Mageia 7.1 including a new kernel which i will try out just now once i have rebooted. Whilst i was about it i booted into PCLinuxOS Magnum 13/01/2020 edition but no updates. 23:19 Opera upgraded, Mageai 7.1

05/02/2020 02:20 CAT Wednesday Woke up rather late this morning maybe because i went to sleep after 20:00 last night due to load shedding. The electricity had just come back on when the Lord blessed me with another day. What will this day bring. More mania? Yesterday Mama was in a foul mood in the afternoon. She needs to get out more but like i said i am afraid she will not make it to the beach and back. She felt much better today but is still up at 23:32 baking a cake. I have made myself some black coffee and tea, as ESC is going to hit the button at 00:01. Nyoka refuses to lend Mama some bucks but always wants to be involved when she is ill.

06/02/2020 00:01 CAT Thursday Two hours to wait till the power comes back on. Don't feel like doing this shit today.


Rated 18+ Sex Violence Language

My days with Carina and her farther oom Piet. I think the biggest monetary mistake i made in my life was dumping Carina. She also suffered from BPMD and i met her at THMC, where she was a pharmacist. We got engaged and she lived at Mama's house in Randburg with me. I loved going to the cattle and game farm every second weekend. Unfortunatly she did not take her meds reguarly and drank cheap red wine and i was a non drinker at that time. Anyway we had good times together so i cannot complain but a shrink told Mama that BPMD and BPMD do not go together. I need a stable way of life with Doctor "bottom" and nyokaness the chemist to be, not coming after me. I feel much better with Jabu gone now too since 11/01/2020 even though she helped a lot these last six months, a very very lot, i think she also suffers from BPMD or maybe all girls do, except Jennifer Aniston my fav actor. I am sure i will find a new African girlfriend this year. I love shaven ebony ingquza, nothing like eating out that pink flesh. I might have something in the pipeline but i don't want to jinx it before talking too soon. I have reached a stage where just a hug and a kiss will be fine for now. What do the Americans call it, 1st base i think.

08/02/2020 03:15 CAT Saturday Yesterday we got back together Siphokazi and I but I was in a foul mood when she left. I checked my wallet and there was 100 rand missing. Fuck this. Mama did not take it. It spoiled my whole day. Now my girlfriend is a thief. Just great. Just when we low on bucks. So i calculated that her visit yesterday cost me 20 rand a hug. One thing Jabu never took anything out my wallet directly. Neither did any of my other girlfriends for that matter. I did not see her do it but it could only be her or Mama. What really makes me angry is that i sent Siphokazi to the shops to buy milk and bread and i allowed her to purchase 30 rand Whatsapp data. The problem is Siphokazi is very sexy and really turns me on and her English is quite good. I will forgive her this time but when i see her again i will tell her about it in a subtle manner. To top it all she had extensions done and looks very good. The thing is when Mama is in her manic state she goes through my stuff, but i doubt she took the 100 bucks. Oh fuck it it's gone now. Girlfriends seem to be too much trouble but i can't do without them. For seven days i drank black tea and coffee, tastes horrible when one is used to milk. Now that we have milk again it tastes weird. I forgot the other day i had a dream that i left my wallet on a rock by the ocean and when i came back the wallet was empty. Everything gone except the wallet, i don't normally remember my dreams.

08/02/2020 Mama is slowly healing mentally, less manic episodes. But they are still there. She enjoys cooking lunch whilst i make breakfast and supper for myself mostly. Mama can now get in and out of the bath herself whilst i watch and hold her hand in case she slips. At 10:50 Mama walked down the hill to the local shops and beach, she returned at 14:30 quite tired. Her first long walk in six months. 09/02/2020 Not a single manic outburst by Mama and she still had the energy to go for a walk in the afternoon for forty minutes, well done Mama. Looks like i have Mama back at 80% and that is as good as it gets. I on the other had have been fluctuating between 60 and 80% these last six months. BPMD folks rairly get above 80%.

09/02/2020 07:00 CAT Sunday There was a power failure so i cooked a egg on the gas and toast. Lunch time we had mac and mince a la Marek. I battled to fall asleep and had to bhepa myself to sleep.

10/02/2020 01:15 CAT Monday Looks like it will be Stage 1 load shedding this week. Off at 06:00 till 08:00 today. 03:38 it's raining, we had some rain on Friday as well. It's so dry outside. Nice to hear the sound of the rain.

10/02/2020 11:30 CAT 28 updates on Mageia 7.1, including chromium browser for a change. 14/02/2020 10:00 4 updates vim

14/02/2020 13:15 CAT Friday Had a brilliant Valentines.

18/02/2020 00:59 CAT Tuesday My birthday, I actually had a small birthday party on Sunday. Mama made some nice eats and salads. Mama is doing very well.


In memory of Tata 1931 to 2006

To read the next 150 000 + words of my book please email me at with "Book-Linux" in the subject line, T&C's apply.

This book is typed on a Centrino Duo then a Celeron N3060 with a Cubot Manito and Samsung A20.

Contact: info at pawinski dot co dot za

AntiX, Crunchbang, G.J. Crookes Hospital, Umzimkulu Psyhc Hospital, THMC, Cialis, Debian, Fedora, FreeBSD, HP, Google, Linux, Linux Mint, Mageia, openSUSE, Microsoft Windows, MTN, Netcare,, RCI, Rizla, Red Hat, Samsung, Sparky, Tabac, Ubuntu, Viagra, Zippo and any others i might have missed are registered trademarks of the respected owners

This book is a draft copy Rev 5


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