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Zack beach

Zack my stepson

Electronically and chemically hacking the human mind

A South African has an assegai in their right hand and a bible in their left hand, when the battle is over they start to rebuild

Crimes against humanity.


This short (second part on request) book with pictures, is occasionally cooked in a cauldron. Each part will have additional paragraphs in rolling released versions. A donation of any amount would be great if you enjoy the progress of my draft copy of my autobiography or would like to purchase a Linux operating system on DVD.


Quick jump to: Part 18, Crimes against humanity in South African Psychiatric Hospitals

Crimes against humanity, as defined by the Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court Explanatory Memorandum, "are particularly odious offences in that they constitute a serious attack on human dignity or grave humiliation or a degradation of human beings.

Quick jump to: Part 19, G.J. Crookes Hospital

Quick jump to: Part 20, THMC

About the author: Marek Pawinski (bi polar) born in Warsaw, Poland and immigrated to South Africa in 1968, started to operate computers in 1990, (remember Leisure Suite Larry) i started off my vocation in the electrical field and during that time became more interested in computers when i learned how to use CAD. I changed my vocation to the information technology field and studied for my MCSE (Microsoft Certified Sysytems Engineer), i gave my final exams a miss (wrote and passed only the four cores) when i discovered the Linux operating system and Red Hat 6.1 was my first boxed set. So in those days i obtained my MCP (Microsoft Certified Professional), NT 4 but continued to self study fifteen Microsoft Windows NT/2000 related books in all and thirteen CISSP related books till present. The good about books i purchased is that there are a lot of practical examples to play around with on my LAN.

I then opened another business (other than my electrical business) promoting and selling open source Linux operating systems. I became quite interested in the Information Technology Security field and being quite a book worm in those days i read and used examples of the Information Technology Security books. To this day i still read Information Technology Security books even though most of the information can be found browsing the internet. Unfortunately in this day and age i have to deploy an active protection system to prevent line-of-sight and broad spectrum frequencies from acquiring and/or destroying my mum, Jabu and i.

I am blessed with bi polar disorder via electronic pulse frequencies
and as Steve Fry (from the (BBC), whom also suffers from bi polar disorder, i am in a stable condition, presently. Yet when i get treated like shit i type like shit.


Part eighteen

Lets have a look at medical and pharmaceutical torture. I wonder if the pharmaceutical companies employing the pharmacist's who design the prescription drugs actually try out the prescription drugs out on themselves first other than trying the prescription drugs in test??? cases with 1000 or more (for example) human beings being the guinea pigs to obtain a baseline. Like BP medication which can and does cause ED in some cases.....


Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital - Crimes against humanity

The beginning of November 2014 i suffered a nervous breakdown and was admitted to the G.J. Crookes Hospital in Scottburgh, Kwa Zulu Natal, South Africa, after less than two weeks a girl general practitioner, Dr Ndlovo decided to transfer me to the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital nestled in the foothills of the Underberg still in Kwa Zulu Natal but in the middle of nowhere. Most of the patients there where admitted for drug induced paranoia or criminal acts.
For example it took my wife, Jabu and i to return home on the 14/01/2015 seven hours by four taxis and we missed the last taxi as it was late and we had to walk for one and one half hour up a hill to get home, we arrived after sunset. The non scenic route takes one and one half hours by a low level flying sixteen seater Quantum ambulance transporter.

These are factual events as of 13th January 2015 which occured at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital and G.J. Crookes Hospital, three months prior to the 13th January 2015. I am working on the typos and grammatical errors.


To top it all i have to go back to the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital for more evaluation by a general practitioner as there currently is no psychiatrist at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital and ones fate is decided by a general practionioner. Did you see the movie Rwanda, well what is to follow is very similar. I was the only Caucasian patient in the two wings of the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital amongst forty five Africans. What a nightmare, i was assaulted by an psychotic patient who tried to steal my breakfast, six slices of bread with a bit of butter and tea. i limped for two weeks after this incident with terrible pain in my left buttock. Patients who assault other patients are hit with batons by the security guards and then given Clopixol Acuphase injections to knock them for a few days. The patients fight and hit each other for tobacco especially when the tobbacco runs out and i m the only one who has tobacco. It is impossible to enjoy a hand rolled cigarette by oneself as i was surrounded by twenty psychotic or semi psychotic patients each and every time demanding two pulls of my fag and the patients act as if its there right to my tobacco. Never mind food or gifts received from visitors, one has to eat what one receives at the nursing sisters station or all the food will be taken over by the patients.
What a relief to find out that prison is worse than the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital from two of the patients who actually where in prison, i am being a bit salcastic in this sentence.

On one occasion a patient was bugging me with questions and i told him to speak to the nurse. The nurse told me to "fuck off" and when i went to the sister in charge to report this the security guard followed me and tried to prevent me from speaking to the sister in charge, the security guard from LK Solutions Security then said to me that i am "rubbish" and he will call the other security guards to beat me with battons.

Flooded bathroom floors

Bathing time is African style like the majority of Africans in South Africa bath in a large plastic dish with about ten litres of water or less. I was quite used to this as this is how i bathed at my wives, Jabu house. Above is a pic of how the basins looked like.

I feel sorry for the patients as most of them receive no visitors and i have never heard of or seen before this episode that nurses walk around with polycop plumbing pipe about four hundred milimeters long and fifteen milimeters thick and assualt the patients. Is this Psychiatry?

On the other hand the sisters in charge and some staff sisters where quite good to me and where very helpfull, but they have to follow the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital rules.

Medication is handed out at 09:30 after breakfast and the patients share the same water cups to down the medication, thank God I do not have turberculousis or some other horrible disease from sharing cups with 45 patients.


The patients spend the whole day in a closed courtyard, fifteen by twenty meters and urinate in one corner of the courtyard as the patients are not allowed to go inside the wards to urinate during the day. The stench of urine is unbearable in that corner of the courtyard unless it rains and the urine washes away into the drain. On one night the urinal was blocked inside the ward and the urinal overflowed with urine for three days. More stench and those patients without shoes walked in the urine. The toilets do not work and faeces build up till someone flushes the toilet with a bucket, most nauseating.

Water is sometimes not available during the night when the water bucket and one cup is not left on the other side of the locked grill gate, never mind the fire hazard. If there was a fire there is no chance in hell that all five wards could be open to let out the patients. The wards, ten patients per ward are locked at night as some windows where broken with axxess to the courtyard from the passage.

At this stage I think I would be ashamed if I was any part of the medical profession, especially the Doctors whom are aware of all this and general practitioners who treat psych patients as there is currently no psychiatrist in the Hospital.

I have sixteen years experience as an electrician in the construction field and seventeen years experience in Information Technology mainly using the Linux operating system as well as Microsoft Windows, yet at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital i must take orders from cleaners and nurses under twenty five years of age, one of the duties of the nurses is to write reports about the patients. If the nurses don't like a patient they write negative reports about a patient. I found that most of the male staff nurses had more of a heart than the females, some female nurses and sisters are real bitches. On my last day when as i typed before attacked and surrounded by thirty or so patients for a fag, the one male staff nurse looked on in despair but he could do nothing. I was so happy and excited to go home on LOA (leave of absence) so one of the nurses asked me if i was having a relapse (from my excitement) can you believe it. The nurses play little mind games and notarize everything a patient does in the courtyard during the day which is mostly sleep. Like i typed before 45 or so nut cases and four sexy nurses just does not go, the males all want the attention of the nurses. Some of the nurses are very very shaftable but i think most of them are into bondage. We where all to go for a haircut and at first i refused. I did not want a kaal kop (no hair African style), so i eventually said i would like my beard trimmed but the nursing sister said i could not go anymore. She had the hots for me but was playing hard to get. One has to have a beard as there are no razors available and the patients my slit each others throats with the razors.


I was unable to pay my bills as i was in the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital and G.J. Crookes Hospital, joy to the world, i now have "hundreds" of debt collector companies after me and my credit rating has dropped to zero. Of course no shrink, G.P., sister, nurse nor social worker will help me out with my debt but someone was very eagar to put me away to Umzimkulu psych hospital because of their grave faux pas. The social worker at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital has ninety patients in the queue and i was lucky to see the general practionioner on the 13/01/2015 as he was still busy attending to patients from November 2014. This frightens me as i may wait for weeks to see the general practionioner on my return.

Stephen Fry (a BBC presenter) based in London AFAIK has experienced mental health problems for much of his life. I am sure he did not receive the treatment i received in Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital, not for the life of my can i still phathom that Psychiatric patients are treated with assualt and abuse as part of there treatment to become well again even thought most of the patients are in the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital are there for drug induced psychosis where they stabbed or assualted someone.

The Zulu language is spoken most of the time and i don't have a clue what is going on especially at the twice daily forced prayer sessions but i have to join in anyway. Jabu my wife is a Zulu girl yet i only understand a bit of Zulu, like "faga lo makulu mthondo kona la ingquza". Jabu is quite religious so i don't have anything against religion if i at least i could understand the singing and chanting.

I think it's disgusting that South Africa receives billions of ZAR in medical grants from overseas for this kind of treatment and never mind the theft. I had a terrible summer flu for two weeks and only realized later that the roll on deodrant shared by forty five patients was for woman. The roll on ordered for the patients at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital is stolen by someone working in the Hospital for there own use and most of the nursing staff are woman, can't figure out the theft bit as the nursing staff have three to eight thousand ZAR smart phones and drive new 150 000 ZAR plus motor vechicles.

I was treated slightly better than the rest of the patients because i am Caucasian, and like i typed before the only Caucasian within miles of the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital. I hope someone takes notice of this part of my book so my African friends (patients) can receive better treatment instead of being assaulted with battons, high heels and plumbing pipe.


I don't know anymore what is the official language of South Africa but the medication i took home on my leave of absence, the instructions where in Zulu.

I actually fear for my life at Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital, the ward where i am now is called Male Block Two. And one of the patients in this ward is some kind of martial arts expert. On my arrival he had to show off his moves whist we where waiting to be counted. (Counting of patients involves the patients sitting for one hour doing nothing waiting the shift to change and then be counted.) From time to time this "martial arts patient" goes a bit nuts especially on the tobacco subject like most other patients, 70% of the patients. Pure joy knowing i can be assaulted or worse anytime for a small amount of tobacco or food.

Hyena attack

Above is a pic of an example of the small pieces of tobacco some patients would gather for hours to roll one fag using a newspaper as rolling paper

Patients are admitted to Male Block One where 80% of the patients are psychotic, 40% from actually been mentally ill and the rest mostly drug induced pyschosis or being sent to Umzimkulu for some criminal act. Smoking of tobacco is allowed in the ward. Sorry to burst your bubble, i was never once tested positive for mary jane nor coke nor any other magic mushroom. Then the transition to Male Block Two where smoking tobacco is also allowed. Male Block Three, i dread to go there, there is absolutly no smoking allowed and i have been smoking tobacco for thirty five years. I had a small nervous breakdown on admittance to Male Block One and then to Male Block Two. Each transition is like some kind of initiation ceremony where the patients test to see if they can obtain tobacco and food out of me. One patient actually sits on my bed up to and hour waiting for me to light up as he figures what's mine is his. Not all the patients are like this thank God and i recon i have made a few friends.

Wolf attack

The tobacco saga occurs with all new patients and their tobacco or food is quickly consumed in a few hours. Watching lions, hyenas or vultures on TV or in real life on a kill can give a good picture of the food and tobacco episodes, meaning the food and tobacco brought by visitors to the patients.

Hand rolled fag

Tobacco smoke contains many harmful chemicals such as carbon monoxide, cyanide, nicotine and tar, which cause disease and death. Non-smokers and ex-smokers on average, live longer and are healthier than smokers. For more information call +27117203145

Above is a pic of a hand rolled fag the patients used to roll when i had rizla rolling paper in stock, newspaper was normally used, bit harsh when one has a cold or flu, the newspaper that is.

Boredom is a real killer and lucky enough my sister bought me a few magazines (to the disapproval of some staff nurses as there where semi naked girls in the magazines, wow can you handle that, maybe the staff where afraid that the patients would start shafting each other, too many happy clappies rule this world on a Sabbath day) and a novel with large font as my multi focals where stolen at G.J. Crookes Hospital, Scottburgh, this was Xmas of 2014 on the 22nd of December 2014. My previous business, AMPPOL IT Linux CD's & DVD's keep me busy for sixteen hours a day so you can imagine doing sweet fuck all most of the day from sunrise till 21:00. Some of the patients whom have been at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital for months, up to nine months or more love it there, free food, free accomandation and free medication, at the taxpayers expense, joy to the world. Lets face it most South Africans have one meal per day if that and at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital:


BBQ at Jabu's mum's place

I rather enjoy this in the pic above than the menu below

  • 09:30 Breakfast: Six slices of bread with margarine on three of the slices and tea with milk and sugar, sometimes no milk
  • 13:00 Lunch: Rice or phutu pap or saltless samp and 25 gramms of meat unless there is mince meat then 50 gramms, drumstick of chicken sometimes on Sundays
  • 16:30 Supper: Rice and beans or pap and pilchards
  • 20:00: Black over sweetened tea (laced with stay soft) and four slices of bread, two of them with margarine
No need to complain, wow at G.J. Crookes Hospital, the food was better, at least different kinds of porridge for breakfast and an egg and a variety of meat and veggies for lunch. Don't understand why all the Government food dished out is not standard

South Africa is one of the few countries in the world where one can receive treatment for under $3 but this kind of treatment i don't ne ed and i am not the only patient who complains about abuse and assault. Most of the African patients and there families live in the sticks cks so to whom will they report all this to. I love South Africa and South Africans but this is really the pits.

I noticed many of the patients at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital take a drug called Risperidone, a horrible piece of work where sixty sixty percentage of males suffer from erectile dysfunction when taking Risperidone, i wonder if the "mental patients" (that's what they are referred to as by the staff) actually have a choice whether to have erectile dysfunction or not, i bet my bottom dollar and it's a fact that no patient is informed of the side effects of the medication they are taking, why should us "mental patients" be informed or have the right to know of side effects, we are the scum of the earth, maybe Government Psychiatry gets it's "info manual" from the holocast. I once researched Risperidone for days on the internet in 2012 and wow what negative reviews. Some of the patients are so spaced out on prescription drugs they sleep most of the day to keep them calm.


During my stay at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital, i observed the finer art of theft, assualt by LK Security Solutions on patients, i pity the guy (patient) whom escaped from the ajoining ward, his screams could be heard miles away whilst the patient was beat with batons. No respect for patients, i once informed one of the staff members that the burglar bars put up on one window had jaggered steel edges and could hurt someone so the staff member said "let them". There is no outbound communication to the outside world for most of the African patients, if one asks a nurse to send an sms the answer is "battery flat" or "no airtime, mean while the nurses sit using WhatsApp the whole day. Ok it would be a bit heavy if 45 patients used the nurses phone, even though i offered to pay, the nurses could at least answer truthfully and inform the patients that cell phone calls are allowed. The nurses are a bunch of liars and have the cheek to pray twice a day with the patients. If a patient ask a nurse for something the answer is more likely to be "kusasa" (tomorrow). I can understand spending twelve hours a day for five days shift with psychotic patients is a bit taxing but the staff nurses opted for this job and i think that the patients at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital could be treated with dignity and more humanly.

I learned a whole lot of new Zulu words at Umzimkulu psych hospital like, ingquza, masende and bhebha to the disapproval of Jabu.


Some of the African patients where so desperate for tobacco they would collect the tiny pieces of loose tobacco from the floor and when there was enough tobacco they would roll a "joint" in a manner of speaking.

Don't try this at home or anywhere else and i do not condone this but it seems that according to Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital, violence is cool and condoned. As long as you sort out your frustrations with batons, polycop plumbers pipe, high heels, a strawberry jam sandwich and mind bending, muscle spasm causing injections.

I am upset now very upset. How on earth could Dr Ndlovo from G.J. Crookes transfer me from a cage full of pigeons to a cage full of vipers and ruin me financially. If i had been discharged from G.J. Crookes i would have been able to make up my payments. Surely if a patient is so psychotic they would be transferred on day one or two. Yet according to my mother: a security guard impersonating a principal psychiatrist, informed my mother that "they need the beds" which is also not true as there where two empty beds in the ward and G2 is also used for psych patients.

I must have been in a very bad state of mind as one night sister took my blood pressure nightly and allowed me to take her blood pressure on numerous occasions. Imagine that some cleaners and staff nurses allowed me to choose and play songs on there smart phones. Ok i hope this paragraph does not get anyone into trouble but i watched the most fantastic game of soccer with the night staff and security guards one Wednesday night. I stand corrected i was at G.J. Crookes longer than 72 hours as i now remember there was no soccer game the next Wednesday for some or other reason whilst i was at G.J. Crookes Hospital.


Doc e, arranged that i do not have to go back to the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital, thank you very much for that.


I prefer and so do all of us, a restroom like in the pic above and not a restroom overflowing with shit and piss

I acquired two "bodyguards" in Male block one after my tobacco was stolen off my person whilst i was lying down in the morning sunshine on the tiled section of the courtyard floor. My one bodyguard and friend (John was his name) even himself mentioned that it was stressful holding onto my tobacco and rolling "joints" for me. The other bodyguard had been in the ward for many months and the other African patients where a bit wary of him. He would make sure that the other African patients stayed away whilst the tobacco was rolled mostly using my own purchased paper or if that ran out then newspaper. Best to choose the meanest mother fuckers as your friends in a place like this, which works on occassions.

Talking about "joints", marijuana is freely available at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital. I found this out when a patient asked me for a light and my bodyguard and best African friend John, told me not to smoke from that "joint" as it contains marijuana. Mary jane is supposed to induce paranoia in mentally ill patients so WTF.

Quite educating this business. I found out that one can crush and smoke pain killers as another room mate who slept opposite me did. Maybe that's why some nurses refused to hand out pain killers without a Doctor's script. So if you have a splitting headache in the afternoon one might obtain some pain killers the next day if lucky. I stay away from pain killers if possible but with my buttock injury from being assaulted and my two week summer cold i was popping pain killer's like crazy. Not thanks to the female Doctor whom i requested pain killers at the nurses station and she did not write them up the first time.

Come to think of it my best African friend went on his knees to talk to this female Doctor at the nurses station. Not that they where married but i was under the impression that Zulu girls serve food on their knees to their husbands. And he was nowhere near psychotic.

To get back to the drugs story, on one occasion i received a phone call in the injection room and there was this newly admitted coloured chap trying to open the medicine trolly. (He also received the customery tobacco treatment on arrival.) A few days later he and the guy who smoked the pain killers managed to steal some drugs from the medicine trolly. They received the baton treatment for their troubles. The assaulting of patients continues to baffle me as i was under the impression that violence in psychiatry was meant to be discouraged (never mind frowned upon) and guys that where in private and most state hospitals, that i have communicated with where never assaulted. Thank God i never witnessed any assault the first time i was admitted at G.J. Crookes Hospital unlike Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital.


On my move from one section to the next at Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital i lost my mountain view bed but was soon invited to another ward closer to the windows by two patients, the alterior motives you guess it, tobacco. The first ward or section i was in (gets a bit confusing this ward business) but anyhow i had a lovely view of the foothills of the Underberg mountains but knew this stunning view of the mountains and a village which was part of Umzimkulu village would not last and soon became quite mudane. Being an outdoor lover i never dreamt magestic mountains could become so boring.

So much agro and fustration as the patients where not allowed out the wards for walks. In any of the three wards bar one occasion. Maybe the patients would try to escape, wow why on earth would anyone want to escape. The one occasion sixteen patients where allowed to go for a walk outside was for a haircut. I remember that day very well. I was sitting in the courtyard and a female nurse starting picking out patients for a haircut. She called me out and i said no thanks. I did not want my hair to be cut bald as some Africans cut their hair. My blood really boiled and when the sixteen patients where about to get on the way for hair cuts i wanted to go with to have my beard trimmed off. The female nurse then changed her mind and said that i could not go at all. Talk about being petty.

I might be making a big issue of the tobacco story but that was the only occupational therapy there was at the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital and when the patients received their monthly disability grant or visitors brought tobacco the patients who smoked, smoked non stop almost till all their tobacco was finished in two or three days. Might as well make a "meal" of it when you have it. I was rather more cautious and tried to ration my tobacco till Jabu came to visit me. For every one hundred grams of tobacco i received, i recon i smoked fifty grams and the other fifty grams was for "bodyguard" and sharing of tobacco fees.

Ninety five percent of the patients smoked and a large percentage never smoked before but only smoked at the Umzimkulu to pass the time and have something to occupy themselves with, the youngsters under 28 years of age or so would hide there smoking habits from their mothers or family when they came to visit them.

The patients make their own beds in the morning's. The nurses then come along and make the beds again. I found out only one blanket per patient is permitted during the summer months. Allegedly June and July the coldest months, really cold in the Underberg as I found out first hand on some of our vacations in the Drakensberg, two blankets are allowed. One or two degrees celsius (34 F) outside in winter at late night and early morning it gets really cold without a heater in the bedroom wherever you might be in a hotel or the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital. The patients ward windows are not triple glazed but thinking back the glass is 15mm thick so that must help with the cold a wee bit.


How dare the Sisters, nurses (male and female) and security guards force the patients to pray and dance around in a circle singing Zulu religious songs after the way some of them treat the patients, two faced religious attitudes, i am sure it is written somewhere: abuse, assault, degrade ones dignity, humiliate and tomorrow you will be forgiven. I took no part in these prayer "meeting's" other than i was forced to stand. And my last morning at Umzimkulu Psych Hospital i did go around in circles chanting something at the insistence of one of the nurses just to please her and not have hassles on my last day.

Not everyone who says to me, Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name? And then will I declare to them, I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness. Matthew 7:21-23

I used to be quite a self religious person but i have lost my respect for God due to this hospital stay and psychological after effects, really too much is too much.

I think Stephen Fry is correct with his viewpoint on God. ''The quicker you forget about Him, your life will change for the better"

This is the final nail in the coffin between God and i and it really hurts me to loose faith after so many years, but this is really it, i have had enough. What i have gone through in my life is a fraction of some of the pain and suffering others go or have gone through but i have had enough of this blatant two faced religious attitudes.

And it gets even better, on the 18th Febuary 2015, another anniversary, my birthday, my

The reason i was sent from G.J. Crookes Hospital in Scottburgh, South Africa to the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital was that Doctor Ndlovo filled up a bath and gave me a teaspoon, cup and bucket and asked me to empty the bath, i choose the bucket, she asked me whether i would like a bed by the window in the Umzimkulu Psychiatric Hospital as normal people would pull the bath plug. Just thought i would ad a bit of humour, this did not actually happen but one never knows, many things said in jest could be true.

Crimes against humanity, as defined by the Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court Explanatory Memorandum, "are particularly odious offences in that they constitute a serious attack on human dignity or grave humiliation or a degradation of human beings.



Crimes against humanity, as defined by the Rome Statute of the International Criminal Court Explanatory Memorandum, "are particularly odious offences in that they constitute a serious attack on human dignity or grave humiliation or a degradation of human beings.



Part nineteen

November 2015 i relapsed and landed up in the Ethembeni Ward at G.J Crooks Hospital on the 5th of December 2015. This is a government Hospital on the South Coast of South Africa where 95% of the patients are African.

The food at Ethembeni ward is good, mielie meal porridge or jungle oats, egg, bread and tea for breakfast. For lunch a hot meal is served with two veggies and meat as well as phutu or rice. Supper another hot meal with a little less on the plate.

But smoking privlages are few and far between in the psych ward. Five fags a day is all one is allowed, if one has them. So if one is used to smoking thirty fags a day one has suddenly cut down to five which was very good for my stress levels. The security guards reguarly steal the patients smokes and shared my smokes with other patients. The security guards (there is ways one on duty) find this ward most boring and cannot understand the illness of the patients.

On arrival at the Ethembeni ward i was beaten up by male staff nurses, hit with solid punches to my back for no apparent reason. Must be another lesson they will never forget. I was not that psychotic to imagine that.

Bath time is at around six thirty am and only six thirty am. I was beaten up by two of the biggest security guards for having a bath in the afternoons due to the heat, whilst still in the tub i was pounded with fists to my face. Doctor M ignored my complaint.

There are ten beds in the Ethembeni ward, two seclusion room beds. In the five room ward there is a television. The only entertainment is to check out the young nurses butts if they are on duty that day and the cleaner was a real dog. Like i said the hospital has an OT section but there is no OT.

Thank God i was transferred to an infectious ward for a few weeks where i had more freedom. I could smoke when i wanted to and spent the days recovering at a normal pace, there was no beef as to when one could take a shower, not like the Ethembeni ward "prison" where i "misplaced" my wedding band and my multi focals where stolen on another visit.

Yet the powers that be decided to transfer me back to Ethembeni ward as i was smoking too much, like there is so much to do with no OT (occupational therapy) at all, even though the hospital does have an OT section.

The infectious ward has thirty six beds, eight of the beds are taken up by non psychotic psych patients. Can't be that of a infectious ward as only 70% of the nurses wear masks and not all the doctors wear masks. Strange the reason i was sent to Umzimkulu psych hospital, according to the CEO (Chief Security Guard) was that the beds at Ethembeni where full, i never knew the doctors transferred patients from Ethembeni to G2, must be another lesson they will never forget that they gave me.

As usual the security guards are in charge of the ward(s), to be a security guard at a government hospital the security guard has to first go to university for three years at least, in any faculty, the security guards also have to be au faut with beating up one patient, eight against one. Which i witnessed with my own eyes at G2 and at Umzimkulu.

Strange that there are three other security guards, who are in charge, Indian chaps whom use brain power to negotiate with a troublesome patient but they are not around much.

Talent abounds at G.J. Crookes Hospital, there are tons of lovely nurses and sisters. The white nurses uniforms are quite see through at times and nothing beats a nice tight behind. The cleaners are not too bad either and some are quite friendly. On the subject of talent, i would not mind shagging my out patient GP. she is quite cute and also an African. I have been with Jabu for six years now so African "girls" really turn me on.

In the apartheid days i would have been killed for going out with an African girl or marrying one. By the Africans and not the apartheid security police, according to one of the staff nurses at Umzimkulu Psych Hospital.

Nothing wrong at looking as long as one does not touch. Being away from Jabu my wife for such a long time really makes one "jags" (randy). Oh well as long as there where tons of nurses to look at. ED (erectile dysfunction) is a real pain and the doctors don't give a fuck, never mind the herbs cost an arm and a leg a shot (pun intended) but there is no spontaneous love making. The herbs or Cialis have to be taken and then the long wait till the mood changes and we are ready for love making. The joy of living in South africa where the "girls" out number the men fifteen million to one. And yes money talks, African girls like "mulungu" with big bucks, so i will have have no luck in that department. Not that WIC "girls" don't like march, (money) either.


On a brighter side, Xmas day we spent at the beach and had supper at the mall thanks to my sister whom arranged a pass out. It was nice to eat out with my family and especially my wife at one of the restaurants. My sister and i also spent a day at the beach amongst the throng of holiday makers on a previous occasion.

An African lady was locked up in the seclusion room for a few days and all she did was scream at the top of her voice, non stop. She was there for at least one week, strange that she was not transferred to Umzimkhulu.

I think I rather be in a psych ward at G.J. Crookes Hospital (but not Umzimkhulu) than at the oncology ward if i had to choose illnesses. I am so blessed, touch wood not to have any physical illness other than erectile dysfunction which is a cause of the meds i swallow religiously. No joy to those guys whom suffer from blood pressure hassles as well, ED is also part of their game. Two doctors suggested i take Cialis, fuck that i need a boner on demand not having to wait one hour before i can get hard on and stress does not help either, i can take 2000 mg Cialis and will not get it up if i am stressed out.

Just like in Ward one at Umzimkulu Psych Hospital the patients bath in a basin to make them feel really at home. 70% of South Africans bath in a basin at night or during the day with a kettle of hot water or boiled water on a fire. In the country where i come from, after WWII and still into the fifties, ditto for some.

G2 ward at G.J. Crookes had five showers and as i mentioned previously Ethembeni ward had one scalding hot water supply from the bath. A thermostat costs around 250 ZAR, (12 USD). The thermostat was either set on boiling point so 10 patients could have hot water or some dick head needed to replace the thermostat, but who the fuck am i to talk being a former electrician of sixteen years. Maintenance could at least install another water heater back to back at ethembeni after spending millions of ZAR revamping G.J. Crookes Hospital where the reception area is tops and so is the pharmacy.


To top it all on my last out patient visit to G.J. Crookes in May 2016 there was no psychiatrist working in the Hospital and i was seen to by a GP. Hopefully this has changed by now, psychiatrists might as well not study for a few years longer if a GP can do the shrinks job which they cannot.

I obtain a rash from the meds i take but was refused by the GP in May 2016 for a script for Persivate ointment, she informed me "i must go upstairs" and wait another three hours in the queue to see another doctor. Seriously if herbal meds where strong enough for my condition i would be taking them and not these shit meds that give me erectile dysfunction and Cialis costs an arm and a leg which i cannot afford even though there are herbal alternatives at one third of the price which work just as well.

It was rather cold on a motorcycle in May 2016 and i arrived at G.J. Crooks at round 8:00 by the time i obtained my file it was 09:00, i waited till 12:00 to see the GP at the psych clinic. The total cost for the consultation and meds supply for six months is one and one half USD (twenty ZAR) so can't complain there.

It's the assault, violence and theft that really bugs me and this is commited by the security guards even though some nursing sisters and nurses steal the patients food, to take in a lunch box home with them, as well as milk and fresh juice. Odd that someone with a 6000 ZAR smart phone needs to steal. I was once shaking and almost had a nervous breakdown when in front of thirty six patients at G2 an African chap was assaulted and held down by eight security guards, he just cried out "mfowethu mfowethu" (spelling) which means brother in the Zulu language. One needs six months to recuperate after being a patient in a government hospital. Not all Africans are like this, most go to church on a Saturday or Sunday or maybe it's the bible that's the problem.

When one is psychotic one does not know what the fuck is going on so the doctor's and sisters try there best in a fassion with meds that are of dubious nature. Each shrink likes there own meds. Strangely in a private hospital a psych patient recovers on average in ten days but the government hospitals have some philosophy that a psych patient needs to stay from one to three months if not longer. However if a psych patient is too spaced out for care in a private hospital and the twenty four hour "knock out injection" which puts one to sleep, does not work then he or she is sent to a government hospital if the patient is non compliant of all things. So those whom have medical aid really score.

We have discovered from reading this book that violence is acceptable by staff members, theft is A ok in psych wards and hospitals of all places, by the staff. I would not treat my dogs the way i was treated and my African friends where treated in the psych hospitals.
Spot of bad luck in the South Coast for me with my manic episodes spiking due to what i thought was the change in altitude but i will never know as there is only a twenty minute if that consultation with a GP or shrink per out patient session at the G.J Crookes Hospital.


Part twenty

On a very brighter note i was once admitted to THMC, what a holiday camp it was in those days. This was a semi private/government psych Hospital. I believe the historic place has been closed down now due to the high cost of rates and taxes in Sandton, Gauteng, South Africa. A real shame as most of the buildings were from the early 60's. The procedure is one starts of at a private hospital, then demoted to a government hospital then sent of to THMC for a holiday. At one stage in our lives we will suffer from one illness or other so having bi polar disorder is just one of those things or is it brain radiation from electronic sources.

There where two swimming pools at THMC, some med students don't even know the place. One for the patients and one for the staff nurses who lived in the single quarters. There where also two full size snooker tables in the games room. A cafe for the patients and staff as well. There was a historic chapel and some of the buildings where quite historic which means nothing in South Africa, try knock down a historic building in Europe for instance and see what occurs, just come with bulldozer and put up modern skyscrapers. Come to think of it i got into big shit one night as i was chatting up an African sister, the next day she was put on day shift. What mentality, black is beautiful.

There where six meals served a day, breakfast, tea, lunch, tea, supper and then tea again, tea as in tea or coffee with biscuits not tea tea. The food was quite good and one could put on weight. THMC was nowhere near similar to Barbara Streisand's movie "Nuts". More nut case staff members at Umzimkulu psychc hospital than anywhere else. They really taught me a lesson they will never forget. Sometimes its spelt Umzimkhulu. Which in Zulu means "place of the fucked up mountain", not really but close.

Draft copy

Part fifty four


Sunrise 09/11/2017

Brothers will turn against their own brothers and hand them over to be killed. Fathers will hand over their own children to be killed. Children will fight against their own parents and will have them killed. Everyone will hate you because you follow me. But the one who remains faithful to the end will be saved. When you are treated badly in one city, go to another city. I promise you that you will not finish going to all the cities of Israel before the Son of Man comes again. Matthew 10:21-23

After the excitement and stress of the move in March 2012 being a former Electrician i did not pick up a whole lot of points which Kwela Electrical of Pennington let slide. I did pick up one socket outlet which had the incorrect polarity and when i placed another socket outlet under load the copper cable blew. So one of the Kwela Electrical electricians broke open a connection box in the ceiling void and joined the cable. One of the socket outlets had the knock out missing and i latter found another socket outlet the same. The electrician (from Durban) that came to do the COC at end August 2017 found twenty six points of non compliance. One of the village people said it's not Kwela Electrical's fault but "the clowns that work for him". The electrical installation reminded me of the historic town of Pilgrims Rest near the Kruger National Park.

Oven isolator February 2012

Any SANS electricians or electrical engineers in the house? is the pic above and below above legal in KZN? Kwela Electrical did not come out to do the COC when requested end August 2017. Which wireman is correct?

Bathroom luminaire February 2012

Bathroom luminaire, COC February 2012.

Lucky we have a "valid" SANS 10142-1 COC from Kwela Electrical, dated February 2012.

Cake 17022019

My birthday cake this year February 2019 written in isiZulu, i spent my birthday celebration with Mama and Zack my stepson whom i have known since 24th April 2012 on the 17th February 2019. All the eighteens my birthday on the 18th February, Jabu's birthday on the 18th March, Zack's birthday on the 18th April and Jabu and i got married on the 18th of May 2013.


This is fun and expensive, since the 19/02/2019 i have been on a 45 Mbps connection as my 4 Mbps ADSL is dead, back up 02/03/2019 will test for a few days, line still not syncing well, has cost me 320 ZAR in 4G data using a WiFi hotspot. 10/03/2019, Well done Telkom, i have a credit for the downtime of my line. Apparently the water guys cut the Telkom cables like they cut our electricity cable a few years back on the pavement.

25/02/2019 Happy 26th birthday dear Kasia my daughter whom i have not seen in twenty one years, Kasia uses Dorota's Maskowicz maiden name, my former wife, Kasia and i chatted bit on Facebook and then it stopped like two years ago, we are too distant to ever become farther and daughter again

05/03/2019 07:15 CAT I leave home for the Pennington clinic. First time in years after waiting for five hours i have a bad experience at the Pennington clinic. On Friday the 01/03/2019 when i went to fetch my meds the pink card was with the meds and a sticker attached to the meds said i should get a new script at the clinic. Being almost last in the que i consulted with the fifty three year old Muslim doctor. He said he could not renew my script as the meds where a bit too toxic and heavy for him to do so. Meanwhile six months ago a twenty six year old GP had renewed my script at G.J. Crookes. I explained to him that my TSR had trouble getting into 2nd gear and a shuttle to G.J. Crookes costs 140 ZAR. The African taxi's between Umzinto are few and far between. Seeing as i was there anyway i ask the Muslim doctor about my rash on the ear and neck, he was not very intrested and said i should keep it wet with aqueous cream whilst other doctors had given me cortison and dynaspoor topical. I asked Mr fifty three year old Muslim doctor about my boils. He said i should shave my pubic regions and armpits except for my beard. Sister P is my witness. And said i should no take antibiotics for boils. At least i had some nice vetkoek and coke for breakfast whilst waiting and checked out the talent whilst i was there for five fucking hours. I did not really mind wasting my time at the Pennington clinic as i had got out and about a bit. I did not get the name of the fifty three year old fussy Muslim doctor but i defiantly don't want to see him again. That's why i refer to him as the Muslim doctor as i don't know his name. He took down my name, phone number and said he would see what he could do with my script. And i was really tired as i was up from 02:10. 16/03/2019 I also mentioned to him my one ear is blocked. Now i find out on Doc Google that stress can cause ears to be blocked which both my ears are now. The Doc said to Sister P to give me some drops.

09/03/2019 05:25 CAT Well folks it looks like it's every two months i can cum. Last time was 01/01/2019. I fell asleep on the couch and woke with a bit of a "piss hoering", cock stand so i bhepa............

11/03/2019 16:38 CAT I am so depressed my Panasonic Dect phone has packed up after thirteen years. It had a good life and i ran my AMPPOL IT business with it for many years but yo and behold i bought some new batteries for it and they seem to be charging even though the redial button does not graft.

17/03/2019 03:22 CAT Woke up late this morning. Had a good sleep. Actually am sleeping too much during the day these days. Tenant did not come home last night, wonder where he is. Tomorrow is Jabu's birthday, she has unblocked me from Whatsapp again by my SMS request. She does not want to come for roast chicken to my place today, she says she is going to church ha. The way she behaves one would think she goes to satan church, keeps on blocking me because i don't give her money for data. Oh well i have got over her and we are sort of friends. 04:01 the power goes off. Just after i have made my self a cup off coffee. It's amazing how the ANC, the government has managed to fuck up the country since 1994. Load shedding and power cuts three times a day. I am getting a bit sick of this country except for it's wonderful climate and almost free ED causing meds. I am sitting and typing here with the light from the screen. Kasia is not chatting with me since i asked her what car she drives and if it's a ferrari can she buy me a mini, so she said i am only chatting with her because i want a car, no sense of humour. Will not miss her much, she is rude. Sunrise and my laptop battery is at 50%, can see better now. Being using gas to make tea and coffee. If this is load shedding then the electricity should come on in fifteen minutes to forty five. I miss my youtube playing in the background. I wonder why Eskom does not give a refund on downtime from load shedding like Telkom does. Strange how it turned out this year that my birthday was on a Monday and Jabu's as well. Battery sitting on 40% now. Mama awake and ready to get dressed for church. Lucky i got a power bank for Xmas. 06:09 electricity back on. The load shedding schedule is completly out, electricity off at 12:00 again. Jabu said she will let me know if she is coming tomorrow for birthday breakfast. The tenant is such a racist, he talks about blue eyes and blond hair i cannot listen to his shit he is talking with Mama. He says the blacks are a plaque and the worst thing in the world. I am typing this as he is talking with Mama. Jesus fucking Christ these tenants. The tenant is pissed again as he is always on weekends, he says the black people are born with evil, as long as he can stay away from black people he is happy. "I don't want to be close to black people." When he is sober he is different but i really don't need this shit in my life. I was really angry when i typed this. To top it all he rolls mary jane in the family room and uses my rizla and mix but when i ask him to buy me a coke he says a packet of rizla only coast six bucks. He arrived here only with his clothes, no pots and pans nor knives or forks, i am checking him out when it comes to payday he will most probably duck as he has friends in Pennington where he can sleep over. At least he does not cook so that saves a bit and has very little laundry but he is tight as a virgins arse he refuses to buy toilet paper and laundry soap. The only good tenants where David and Thuli. At least Mr L is only here for two months. 19:10 i retire to bed. And true as fuck i bhepa and manage to cum. Now i don't know what is going on. Must be coming from the Lord above. I am totally shocked that with my ED i managed to cum three times so far this year. And the last time was on the 09/03/2019 so close together. Jabu did not get back to me whether she is coming tomorrow for birthday breakfast. It's 03:03 now, i have one hour till maybe the power goes off.

18/03/2019 03:18 CAT Jabu just informed me she is coming for birthday breakfast. I am going to upload this after the birthday breakfast and see how it goes. 04:03 and the electricity is still on. 06:30 exactly Jabu arrives at my house for her birthday breakfast. She is in a good mood. We start to chat and she wants me to turn on the TV. Usual stuff about load shedding on the news. I grill the boerewors and Jabu fries the eggs and tomatoe, Mama baked a savory cake. I make advances towards Jabu but only get a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She just wants to be friends. We don't have much time together and this time she leaves for work without us fighting and her in a good mood.

17/03/2019 03:41 CAT I jump between Windows 10, Mageia 7 Beta 2, Ubuntu 18.04 and of course my number one distro today Debian Stretch, 9.8. Strange can't get Skype to work for Mama on Windows 10. Mageai Beta 2 is coming along nicely and the cauldron is cooking. We are on kernel 5 now but still a while to go before Mageia 7 is completly stable. The thing that pisses me off about Ubuntu is there is no delay like in Mageia before the OS starts checking for updates, i am sure it can be set somewhere but i don't have time for that. My days of searching for hours on google are over, if something does not work i trash it.

19/03/2019 01:10 CAT Will they cut the electricity at 04:00 today or not. Really disturbs my working time. Apparently this time the excuse is the cyclone in Mocambique.

21/03/2019 06:54 CAT Sometimes the electricity is cut at 02:00 and sometimes at 04:00 for two hours but always at 12:00, lucky for my gas bottle. Jabu unexpectedly Whatsapp me at 12:25 that she is finished work early and she wants to collect her present. I was having a power nap and missed her first message. I woke up as she messaged me the second time and she came for tea and lunch. We had pleasant visit i thought but she said sort of. She could not wear the top Mama had bought her as she needs to wear long arm sleeves due to spots on her arms so Mama said she will keep it and get her something else. The two and one half hours passed quickly before she had to catch her taxi home. We chatted about normal shit and as she was leaving she asked me for fourteen rand for taxi money. So i said one kiss and one hug and she agreed. I need a woman's touch now and again. It's been 17th December 2017 since we separated. Mama of course got in the way. She still likes me but something is holding her back.

26/03/2019 05:50 CAT I bhepa again and cum. WTF. Four times now this year.

27/03/2019 01:32 CAT After two anxious weeks thinking about my visit to G.J. Crookes, i am ready at 06:00, dressed for my lift. We arrive at G.J. Crookes Hospital at 07:22. There is a long que for the files but i have an appointment and get my file and pay in under three minutes. I go down to the psychc clinic and wait my turn. Eric, the male nurse in charge is not so friendly today and pushes another patient in front of me to see the Doctor. I sit chatting on Whatsapp to pass the time and have a few smokes. I am a bit fustrated and angry as i have to spend another five hours the same month waiting for my script. I am now second in line to see my Doctor and i chat with a caucasian girl sitting next to me, my mood changes a bit. It's now my turn to consult with the best Doctor i know of in Scottburgh. unfortunately she cannot give me a script for a penile injection for ED but gives me a script for my rash and boils unlike the Muslim doctor at Pennington clinic and Doctor M. She recons i am stable on the meds i am taking so she only changes my blood pressure pills. I wish all Doctors where like her. I have my bloods taken and the pharmacy is quick quick this time. I am out of there by 12:15. Mama, Mrs M, Miss M and myself pop over to Checkers to do some shopping. Miss M is a weird kettle of fish, she smokes in the car and really gives me the urge to smoke as well. The first time i ask her for a light she gives me a light but the second time she is busy on Whatsapp and will not give me one. So Mrs M lights me up with the car fag lighter. The day ends of very well with Mr L the tenant paying me my rent for the room, the rent goes into a pool between Mama and myself. Even with a tenant it's difficult working out the budget.

28/03/2019 03:34 CAT I sleep late this morning. Zack is coming to visit just before the school holidays end on the 2nd of April, so it will be a short stay as he has to prepare for school. I still have to repair that pull switch in Mama's bedroom, when did i replace it? On Tuesday and it worked fine till one of the wires jumped out, i am loosing my touch. No it turns out to be a faulty switch. Jabu arrives with Zack unexpectantly at 07:20. Jabu has a quick cup of tea and and helps me to hang the washing. She asks me for thirty bucks for data. Zack and i have scrambled eggs with fried polony for breakfast. Zack helps me fit the spare pull switch. After lunch we watch Netflix.

29/03/2019 03:28 CAT Zack is sleeping on the spare mattress. Fast asleep. I wonder what time he watched TV till. I ask Jabu if Zack can stay till Sunday, she says yes then changes her mind and to top it all she says he must return early Saturday morning to pay her funeral service. What a fuck up, Zack was originally supposed to visit till Saturday 15:00. On Friday Zack and i walked to the beach and had some coffee and cold drink. His favourite is Fanta grape. We did some shopping as well. The short weekend turned out well but i was really pissed off that he had to go home early.

Jabu birthday 2019


01/04/2019 04:28 CAT I wake up late and i am off the the dental Clinic at G.J. Crookes at 07:00. Mrs M kindly takes me. I wait for my file and now it's the dreaded dentist. Unlike six months ago the injection for the extraction does not hurt at all. My teeth are cleaned as well. The dentist battled a bit to get my rotten wisdom tooth out. At least he knew what he was doing and i was very happy with him. Even though i was shaking a bit when i got out the dentist's chair.

02/04/2019 07:45 CAT Jabu comes to visit for breakfast. This is the second blouse Mama bought her for her birthday that did not fit. She did not even want to try it on she said it's too big. Oh well maybe next year. We had the usual fried eggs and tomatoe for breakfast. She also brought a blouse she bought from the Hospice which does not fit her and said maybe Mama will want it for forty bucks. Otherwise it was a cold autumns day. Always nice to have visitors especially when they don't ask you for bucks.

03/04/2019 14:00 CAT An unexpectant visit from Jabu, she stays for lunch but is out of here by 15:00 to catch a taxi. Asks me for data, OMG but the problem is i like visitors. So even though her visit cost me twenty nine bucks in data at least i had a visitor for one hour.

04/04/2019 16:15 CAT The wedding draws closer. My sister landed today. All looks good.

22/03/2019 03:01 CAT Can you fucking believe it, if it's not the load shedding now my internet LED on my router is flashing and i have no internet. Fuck this. Happens too often. 28/03/2019 All is well with the internet and it's a relief that the load shedding has stopped. Had a bit of a break from the laptop the other night and watched Netflix all early morning long. 05/04/2019 05:00 no internet again, i don't know whats up with these 05:00 drop outs. No ADSL and landline in the whole of Pennington since Thursday 18/04/2019, today is 29/04/2019.

Zimbali April 2019

12/04/2019 15:20 CAT Friday Mama and i leave via shuttle to Durban. It's my sister's wedding and the child's Christening. With the Christening over we head off to a hotel in Durban North beach for buffet supper. What magnificant food. Lamb as well my favourite. From there we depart to Fairmont Zimbali an estate situated north of Durban. What splendour, we share a tweleve bed house. 18/04/2019 no ADSL again so my spelling is up to shit. I find a place to smoke outside my room where there are many stompies, fag butts. The whole weekend i only smoked sixty fags. Mama has a kingzize bed and i have a queen. My loo is a bit small. I retire around 23:00 after the audious task of checking in through security. It's a fine warm autumns day.

13/04/2019 03:30 CAT Saturday I wake and have a swim in the pool on the verandah. The water is quite cool. The other folks there brought food but i did not drink there coffee and only had my first cup of coffee at 07:00, i did not know they brought food for us as well. Nancy makes breakfast who is there with her husband and two sons. We sit at a twenty sitter table. I have another swim in the cool water a have a nap whilst Mama goes off to the beach with the others. At two we are invited for lunch at my sisters place. She is the one that is getting married. We have another buffet, the girls are working very hard. At 19:00 we return for cocktails. I have a gin and tonic. My sister's child manges to fall in the pool whilst i am having a smoke break outside but no harm done. Master J says you tired to kill my brother, Master J is nine years old and a very loveble kid.

14/04/2019 13:00 CAT Sunday The photographer arrives at the house to take pics. And in the meantime my Cubot Manito crashes. I had to reset it early Sunday morning. No WIFI so i lost a lot of data. There actually was WIFI but we did not know the passphrase. I am very pissed off as neither Linux nor Windows 10 recognises my microSD card and i battled all day with Linux to try recover the data and am almost there once the ADSL s back up. I can see it as /dev/sda2 with an unknown file system. Windows 10 just wants to format it. We arrive at the wedding a bit late with my sister in another car. Mama and i sit at the back at the wedding ceremony, but are told to go sit in front. The ceremony starts and Mama reads a prayer. Usual wedding stuff and afterwards we have drinks. The pastor was quite stern about divorce. Then it's the grand reception and speeches. Buffet dinner with lamb again and starters. There was also curry but so much happened that weekend i don't remember. All i know is i found a smoking pal. Nice Indian chap who is a police man. I treated myself to Peter Stuyvesant Red soft pack the weekend. We danced and the reception ended early around 22:00 as Monday was a work day.

15/04/2019 11:00 CAT Mama and i where packed and we departed via shuttle for Pennington a one and one half hour trip.

19/04/2019 11:00 CAT Good Friday. I had arranged a day or two back for a lift for Mama and i to the Ifafa Catholic Church. Mrs M car was full and could not take us. By 11:30 our lift had not arrived and i Whatapped him. He had forgotten and said he was sure the Lord would forgive him. I got pissed off and said to Mama lets go to the Kiosk by the beach. We where already dressed so we just walked down. I ordered a Cappuccino mug and Mama ordered a sparkling minerial water. I thought what the fuck and ordered a pie as well. We quite enjoyed ourselves sitting under an umbrella in the autumn sun. On the way home we stopped at the shops and bought some groceries. I had a very good Good Friday and cancelled the 04:15 lift on Sunday to Church.

21/04/2019 10:00 CAT Mama prepared a feast with what we had. Chicken in gelatine, Mayo salad and Polish Mazurka cake. With Ham and bread. it was a really good breakfast.

22/04/2019 04:04 CAT I have been in a good mood since yesterday. Jabu came to visit and gave me a few long kisses. It really made me happy that i broke through after all these months. We have a hot and cold relationship so we will see what happens when she comes to visit this morning. It was a good visit, only when her foot is sore is she in a bad mood.

26/04/2019 05:30 CAT Half of Pennington is still without ADSL as of 18/04/2019. Did i mention that on Monday the road caved in due to the rain on the way to the clinic so i am fucked with collecting my meds this Friday. I have been spending most of my early mornings watching TV as 4G data is too expensive.

27/04/2019 13:15 CAT It was Mama's name day yesterday so she decided to treat us for a meal and cold drinks at the Kiosk by the beach today. I was quite hungry so my hamburger and chips went down quite well. Mama had hake, chips and salad. We spent almost three hours by the Kiosk under an umbrella. Just the walk back up is quite taxing for Mama up the hill. I carried some appels and groceries which we purchased at the shop on the way up. We had a great time.

29/04/2019 00:30 CAT Another weekend without ADSL. I am pretty pissed of with Jabu. I asked her if she could give me a haircut for free and she said no and if i pay her later it's one hundred rand instead off seventy rand. After all the data i have given her this year.

07/05/2019 02:35 CAT So it's final there will be no more ADSL IN Pennington due to copper cable theft. Mind boggling.

02/07/2019 04:57 CAT Jabu has not been to visit for what seems like months now. The good Lord provides me with a roof over my head and food whilst Jabu sometimes suffers, I think of her when i shower, she bathes in a basin in these cold winter months. Mama is overseas for the last time to see her sisters and friends. What a heatwave in Warsaw.

02/07/2019 02:58 CAT Downloaded Mageia 7 final in eighteen minutes all 4.1 gigs. Have been using Mageia 7 cauldron for many months now, what a pleasure. My Cubot Manito which i use as a hotspot is rebooting and halting randomly, my sister promised me an iphone 6S, second hand, i will see if i get it as now she is talking about a 5C. These days i only use Windows 10 on patch Tuesday, once a month that is and when there is any other update. I am sure i will use Windows 10 more often when i get my i9 then things should fly as they do now on my Celeron with Mageia, Debian and Ubuntu Linux except virtual box of course. 01:02 08/07/2019 busy upgrading to Debian Buster, took me two hours and twenty minutes to upgrade. But i made a slight faux pas. I altered the sources first to Buster then accidently ran "apt-get upgrade" instead of "apt-get dist-upgrade", i stopped a while through but i think it was too late an my installation was borked. Oh well i just installed Mageia 7 over the Debian Buster partition. Will install buster another time, never liked upgrades personally. An upgrade usually takes longer than a fresh install. I am thinking at this stage i will not be able to reinstall Debian Buster 10 as it needs non free firmware for my 4G to work, so i am a bit stuck. Pity so now i am stuck with my original cauldron Mageia 7, Mageia 7 final, Ubuntu and Windows 10. rkhunter takes almost nine minutes to run on this piece of shit Celeron N3060, i remember the days when rkhunter flew by.

04/07/2019 11:00 CAT exactly, Today i had a break from my hermit lifestyle, Mrs M took me Checkers to do some shopping and i needed a mop as well. They sell mops with plastic handles now and plastic connectors to the stringy bit so i wonder how long it will last. I had an old fashioned wooden mop with steel connector which finally broke. The shit they make these days, not Checkers fault. The travelling, shopping and unpacking takes almost three hours. Lucky i go only once a month and shop in bulk which Mama curses me for.

08/07/2019 090:05 CAT The maid and cook did not arrive for work Friday due to burning of tires and a strike in Malengeni. So i got pissed of and cooked pap, gravy and boerwors myself, was not too bad, i have enough pap and gravy for two days. Jabu is coming tomorrow to do the housework at my place on her free day. I hope it's not a big mistake.

09/07/2019 07:30 CAT Tuesday Jabu arrives at 07:30 exactly. She does not want breakfast straight away as she says she has a lot of work to do. After i throw away the trash and when Jabu has finished with the ironing we have Bacon, Eggs and fried tomato on toast. I leave Jabu to continue with the housework after having a nice chat whilst she was ironing and during breakfast. I am lying on the couch and think wether i should ask Jabu if she wants lunch as she stated earlier that she does not even have time for breakfast. True as fuck, one second later Jabu says she is hungry. We have roast chicken and potatoes for lunch with the gravy i cooked on Monday. Jabu leaves at 15:00 and we had a most pleasant social day together. And i did not come on to her once.

10/07/2019 02:54 CAT Wednesday I have not been sleeping well since Friday night, last night my condition improved from mild mania to stable. I went to sleep at 18:15 and woke around 01:07. We will see if i have the racing thoughts today and if i sleep. I have gone up to smoking 100 grams of tobacco in four days from 100 grams of tobacco in eight days. That is an easy judge of my stress levels. Forgot to mention that Malangeni has been without running water for a month now and tires where burnt on Friday and Monday as a strike protest. Dumb fucks, how can you cut the peoples water supply off especially in winter when it does not rain to fill the water tanks. I fell asleep on the couch at about 20:30 and woke an hour later to go to bed. I am a peoples person even though i lead a hermit lifestyle and i think i am becoming lonely without contact with others.

11/07/2019 03:51 CAT Thursday. Today i will do the laundry in hope that the maid pitches tomorrow. I have to start getting things ready for Mama's return from Europe on the 19th. I am currently sleeping in her bedroom but on my mattress which is a queen extra length. My bedroom/tenants bedroom has a double straight. We are now just poor simple folk after losing our funds in Pennington in 2012/2013. Everything started to go south after the good Lord decided to take my Merc way from me on the 5th December 2012 in that awefull car smash. As of March 2012 Mama and i had enough funds to retire on easily. The funds all went to hell over two years.

13/07/2019 07:48 CAT Saturday Zack arrives for a weekend visit after four months of absense. Usual hand shakes and hugs. I give Zack his 18th April birthday present, a flash drive. We have breakfast, scrambled eggs on toast and Zack goes to the shop for me as i was not fit to drive my bike yesterday. Whilst i am cooking lunch, Zack washes my bike. Rice and chicken livers. After lunch we relax and watch TV. The day flies by. I like this new Coke flavour with less sugar.

14/07/2019 07:45 CAT Sunday I later find out from Jabu that Zack did not sleep well. He stayed up till 23:00 but that had nothing to do with it, Zack said the TV was boring. He misses Netflix. He did watch one movie on my smart phone today. I slept well Saturday night but i went to bed around 19:00 on Sunday night and woke at 22:00.

15/07/2019 03:34 CAT Monday I am still awake. Eventually fall asleep till 07:53.

16/07/2019 01:05 CAT Tuesday Had good nights sleep for a change. Jabu will help me out again today and do the housework if she can get through the burning tires and strike. Eight new councillors where appointed for Umdoni with shinny new cars and smart phones but the people suffer, the pot holes in our road have not been repaired for a year now. Jabu arrives at 07:21. At first she seems to be in a good mood and we have breakfast after she finishes ironing but after my power nap her mood has changed. She puts on her headphones and listens to music and Whatsapp her friends. Last Tuesday she turned off her phone but she did a good job cleaning the house. I cook lunch rice and boerewors but she refuses to eat. So i wait till she leaves at 14:40 to eat. She heads off to the shop and chemist to purchase some pills for her sore foot. Basically we had an unpleasant day together. Eighteen months later after our separation she starts talking about a mug that is hers and a blanket she left behind.

18/07/2019 07:42 CAT Thursday The maid finally pitches up. The house is already spick and span from Jabu's work on Tuesday.

17/07/2019 02:01 CAT Wednesday Fell asleep eventually at 22:00 the previous evening. So i had only four hours sleep and today i am supposed to go shopping in Scottburgh at 11:00. We will see how it goes. Did i mention a semi tame black cat comes into our house sometimes as well as a ginger cat but i have not seen the tame ginger cat for a while now, maybe because i stopped praying for pussy and now pray for ingquaza. Shopping went well as afterwards we had coke on the beach. 23:29 still up can't sleep.

19/07/2019 04:53 CAT Friday Mama lands at King Shaka airport. At 06:00 the airport company phones me to ask me wether someone is going to pick her up. I get hold of the shuttle service and they find her five minutes later. She arrives exhausted and sleeps all day and night. I also get a good nights sleep the first one since the 5th July 2019.

20/07/2019 04:45 CAT Saturday I went to sleep at 19:35 and woke at 04:45. Mama woke up in the afternoon shorty and we watched photo's of Warsaw on flash drive. Hundreds of them.

21/07/2019 02:45 CAT Sunday Had a good five and one half hours sleep last night, Mama has a head cold which she picked up in Warsaw. She has been mostly sleeping since Friday, Durban-London-Warsaw-London-Paris-Warsaw-London-Durban is quite taxing for a seventy eight year old. On top of that the first flight to London from Durban was aborted due to on set of windscreen wipers not working on the plane. Just thinking, the last time i bhepa and came was 15/06/2019, I do however get morning erections which do not last long if i bhepa. I need to cum soon, my balls are bursting. Since my blood pressure pills where changed by the best doctor in town, i have had a slight improvement. I am still suffering from mild mania as of 05/07/2019, too many thoughts and not enough daydreams. Strange end July 2018 i also almost went overboard, when i was moving Mama back from Summerhill Lodge to Pennington. In March 2012 i arrived in Penninton with a 3G dongle with a 3 Gig cap, looks like i will leave Pennington with 4G. Now it's Rain, no more ADSL. I have to drive ten kilometers to go the post office or fifteen as the Pennington post office closed in December 2018 and was one kilometer away. I have been waiting since the 18th of April 2019 for a WIFI landline to be delivered by Telkom.

23/07/2019 04:45 CAT Tuesday I sleep late and notice Mama is awake. I notice her forehead has blood on it and i ask what happened, she says she tripped. It is only at 08:00 that i walk into Mama's bedroom and she informs me that she has a broken arm. I call Mrs M and she takes Mama to Doctor V. Mama goes for x-rays and is admitted to a private hospital for an operation. On the 25/07/2019 she has the op. Her humerus bone was fractured.

25/28/07/2019 15:00 CAT i visit Mama at Hospital with Mrs M who has the transport. My sister refuses to pay for the transport costs. Mama is in a terrible state mentally after the op and it took one and one half hour for the sisters to bring her a jug of water. My sister says if Mama treats people right they will treat her right.

30/07/2019 10:45 CAT Tuesday Mrs M and i leave Pennington to pick u Mama, She is to be discharged today. She was going to stay an extra week at the insistance of my sister but Mama's Doctor changed his mind after i spoke to him whilst he was doing his rounds on 29/07/2019 AM.

30/07/2019 13:01 CAT Tuesday Mama arrives home. Jabu has cooked meals ahead for a couple of days for us.

Addendmun: Whilst Mama was in London (June 2019) for five days she was informed not to touch the children and not to speak the Polish language to them as it is language confusion. Mama does not enjoy violent movies but she had a tiny penknife in her handbag at the airport, there was a big issue about it by the London family.

31/07/2019 02:04 CAT Wednesday Mama is fast asleep from 20:00 last night. I changed her nappy last night and today she gets a shower with the help of Jabu who is coming after work. Jabu wanted to give Mama a bath and i strongly objected. Jabu gave Mama a bed bath instead at my instance. I am not comfortable taking of Mama's sling yet. Jabu changes her nappy. Before all this Jabu cooks pap and gravy for Jabu and myself. Mama has two slices of her favourite toasted bread and jogurt. I was exhausted today as i neither had my morning nor afternoon power nap.

01/08/2019 02:01 CAT Thursday Mama wakes at 03:00 for a pee. I fell much better today after my morning power nap, but my back of my neck is stressed.

02/08/2019 02:03 CAT Friday I wake Mama up for her 03:00 pee, she is in nappies and i have to help her pull them up once she is finished urinating.

03/08/2019 00:01 CAT Saturday Five hours sleep, i will be fucked today. Adjusted Mama's blanket at 02:15 it had fallen of the bed. Jabu has to go to Umzinto today and returns late Sunday. I am still weary of removing Mama's sling. I am a psyhc care giver not a medical one. Today Mama went for a pee by herself again at 03:58, i helped her get back in bed. Lucky in a way that i work the graveyard shift.

04/08/2019 04:37 CAT Sunday

Mama's care at Marek's Private High Care Clinic since Tuesday 30/07/2019, 13:00

  • 03:00-04:00 pee, nappy change
  • 09:00 Pee, nappy change and breakfast
  • Walk around inside the house after breakfast
  • 10:00 Watch TV in her armchair and chat
  • 12:00-13:00 lunch
  • After lunch walk around inside the house
  • 14:00-17:00 rest time in bed
  • 17:00 supper
  • After supper walk around, watch TV and chat
  • 19:00-20:00 bath, nappy change and to retire to bed

Mama is basically alone from around 22:00 till 02:00 when both Jabu and i are here.

05/08/2019 That cow mother in law of mine put shit into Jabu's head over the weekend and now Jabu is not happy with the arrangement we have after the hundreds of thousands Mama spent on us over the last seven years. Jabu did not eat breakfast nor supper with us today.

06/08/2019 04:02 Tuesday CAT Nappy change, Mama has had this bladder problem for a few years but now it seems to be worse, she used to use maxi pads. I am sure she fractured her humerus bone in the first place whilst going to the loo in the dark, before going overseas on holiday she used to have a bowel next to her bed. 09:00 Jabu gets pissed off and packs her bags and leaves even though we have a verbal agreement for five weeks. Mama and i carry on as usual.

07/08/2019 02:45 CAT Wednesday The alarm clock wakes me. Mama has a pee at 03:15, the day passes with Jabu returning at 16:50 from her day job. At 18:50 with much protest from Mama and Jabu, i remove the sling and change Mama's gown. Jabu gives Mama a bed bath. Mama is feeling much better today, she manages to get out and in of bed by herself.

08/08/2019 02:45 CAT Thursday I lie in bed till 02:55. By 19:00 i am really fucked even if i have my power naps. Usual pee at 03:00 by both of us, :-) Mama is going to see the Doctor next week at Toti, i don't know how i am going to pay for the petrol costs, i already owe Mrs M for transport.

08/08/2019 05:21 CAT Thursday I have come to the conclusion that my Cubot Manito smart phone has been hacked the last two months or since my sister's wedding. Since Mama was discharged from Netcare Kingsway hospital, the smart phone no longer halts. That's nine days now without a halt. And only one reboot from me as the camera hangs sometimes which has been going on for a year now. I never received the pre owned iPhone 6S from my sister as promised, she said "next time". I have gone through hell waiting for the iPhone 6S but she is like that, makes deals she does not keep, mainly due to her husband. Mageia 7 KDE Plasma is grafting just fine touch wood and not been hacked at the moment like my Windows 10 installation.

09/08/2019 02:45 CAT Friday My sisters birthday. I will wish her happy birthday. 03:47 Mama goes for a pee. The usual when she is finished, i pull up her nappy and tuck her into bed. So far she is slightly constipated so i had only had to play with her shit twice in the last week. Jabu was not happy with her pay so i had to increase it and she requires food three times a day even when working at her day job. As usual i will serve Mama breakfast, lunch and supper and tea in between.

10/08/2019 02:45 CAT Saturday Usual story, wake up have a smoke and drink my special blend of coffee. Mama is not up yet as of 04:02.

12/08/2019 02:14 CAT Monday Uneventful weekend either that on 11/08/2019 at 14:00 i managed to cum this time, second time this month, Jabu makes me horny. I would really like to fuck her but she wants none of it. Jabu went home Saturday after work, will be back this morning. Again she has us cutting the wedding cake on her profile pic, this woman is crazy. At 11:00 we leave for the Kingsway for a quick check up. The Doctor V II says Mama is doing fine. Mama can have her bandage off now. The Doctor removes two stitches of the thirteen. The morning turns out to be sunny with clouds and cold in the afternoon.

21/08/2019 06:08 CAT Wednesday So time flies buy. Kellogs and joghurt for Mama for breakfast, Jabu cooks me eggs for breakfast and supper for us. She is mostly in a foul mood because of the pain in her foot. Even though yesterday i actually got a few kisses out of her. Never know. Would love a BJ.

28/08/2019 05:00 CAT Wednesday The most exciting life i lead.

11/09/2019 07:00 CAT Wednesday Mrs M took me to G.J. Crookes to have my script renewed. Long wait as usual from 07:00 till 12:00.

03/10/2019 23:17 CAT Thursday Mama is slowly recovering and is out of her sling and Jabu gives her a bath standing up.

07/10/2019 23:00 CAT Monday I retire to bed at 19:00 and wake at 23:00. Maybe i have been sleeping to much these last few months or the financial stress has caught up to me since 31/07/2019, Transport costs to the Kingsway Private Hospital and paying the sleep in caregiver.

07/10/2019 02:00 CAT Monday To top it all my Windows 10 will not update, I have tried almost every fix on youtube and google to no avail. What a poes operating system that costs 2000 ZAR and can fuck out anytime. It's useless to me now as if i refresh it, it will blow away all my Linux partitions. Good riddance. Like i said from 2002 till October 2012 i only used a Linux operating system. Suited my business needs just fine and then Windows 7 made me go half nuts, it's a big leap from Linux OS to a piece of shit. Even though i will miss Window 10 a bit especially the agony of the slowness of the apps opening and then booting back into Linux with high speed response. If i could run a business for so long using only Linux then almost anyone can. Even though rkhunter takes nine minutes and thirty four seconds to run on this piece of shit Celeron. Whats it now a N3060 or some shit like that.

12/10/2019 04:03 CAT Saturday It's a cold vibe these last two months mostly between Jabu and I. She says she is here to sleep over in the same bed as i just to bath Mama and she cooks as well. My cooking is not good enough for her, i suppose she is right as she is an expert chef. We have been separated since 17th December 2017, how time flies with on and off sporadic getting back together episodes. The last time i had a full kiss from Jabu was 08/08/2019, now it's "don't touch me or i will leave". I have developed a stress related pain in the back of my neck this week, the flac seems to come from Jabu as the domestic was here the whole day yesterday and i did not have any tension. About time to get a divorce. I feel sorry for Jabu, she works so hard for peanuts and has Zack to support as Zack's farther is unemployed yet in their household they have DSTV Premium and i am sitting with Access, the second lowest end package. In 2018 i put down 1600 ZAR of my own money towards Zack's school fees which i had saved from the tenants.
Jabu went off to Durban this afternoon to visit her ill sister at hospital. Before she left she bathed and washed Mama's hair as well as cooking chicken livers in a nice gravy with mash. Jabu was in a very good mood for a change today. As the clock strikes midnight ...

13/10/2019 00:00:12 CAT Sunday I woke at 23:25 last night. Four and one half hours sleep instead of seven. Will i go crazy, will i go nuts, only time will tell, these last seven days i have had a lot of stress and little sleep.

14/10/2019 04:52 CAT Monday Like i mentioned before i pray for pussy and mali but instead i have deceided to pray for ingquza instead, the reason being when i prayed for pussy a ginger cat and a semi wild black cat kept coming into our house. According to google it's supposed to bring good luck when a black cat comes into ones house. No such thing, Mama fractured her humerus. I cannot think of a business plan to work from home to make real bucks unlike the AMPPOL IT days in Johannesburg and Pennington up till end 2013? before my Joomla website was hacked.

07/07/2019 01:08 CAT I was just thinking, how wonderful these meds are:

  • Chronic constipation, i only dump every five or seven days with the help of my own special muthi recommended by Doctor L from Scottsburgh in 2013 when i had a medical plan. If the dump does not want to come out i find if i massage my bumhole with my fingers through toilet paper it comes quickly, the size of two banana's
  • Itchy rash on ears and painful rash on back of neck that no Doctor can solve
  • Excruciating cramps in one of my ankles, it alternates, one or two hours after i take Risperdal, i have now stopped taking my morning dose of Risperdal (11/10/2019, a month ago) and only get a cramp after 17:00 instead of the whole morning. 11/10/2019, strange enough G.J. Crookes pharmacy is out of stock of certain of my meds the last two months, excellent for my condition one of them being Risperdal
  • Outbreak of painful boils every few weeks, now the last year on my head and face as well so i can't put my helmet on at times
  • And of course the piece de resistance, erectile dysfunction even though i can now cum once a month even though i can bhepa through seven Hail Mary's and two Our Farther's three or five times a day. Especially at 07:00 and 17:00
  • However i am mostly immune to colds and flu due to these meds i take and the fact that i smoke, last time i had the flu was at Umzimkulu in December 2014

Strange i had none of the above shit till i started to take all these meds but my Doctor says i am stable on these meds so what must i do.

Lisa Mcnally

Doctor Lisa Mcnally has used part of my book without my permission in a court case in London, UK

Amazing what a Centrino Duo and a Celeron can do, the keyboard is mightier than the injection.

To read the next 93 000 words of my book please email me at with "Book" in the subject line, T&C's apply.

Some names have been changed by request

Contact: info at pawinski dot co dot za

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